when should parents stop helping with homework

Too much help with homework can hinder your child’s learning progress

Clinical psychologist; visiting fellow, Queensland University of Technology

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Judith Locke does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.

Queensland University of Technology provides funding as a member of The Conversation AU.

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Parents are often guilty of helping their child a bit too much with their homework. Sometimes the homework battle can be made that little bit easier if you just tell your child what to do, or simply do it for them . At least it’s been done, you think.

Teachers have spoken of parents writing their children’s assignments, taking on the homework responsibility and emailing teachers out of hours , or, as in one case, turning up at a teacher’s home on the weekend to ask about the homework that was set.

But research shows that giving your child too much help could actually hinder their skills development and lead them to feel incompetent .

Help with homework can be filled with tension or create pressure to succeed for the child.

That’s not to say that parents shouldn’t get involved, as research shows this is an important factor in academic success. But parents need to know when it’s appropriate to do this, and when to step back.

Helicopter parenting

Overparenting has been described as delivering appropriate parenting characteristics to a degree where they cease to be beneficial . This approach can result in anxiety , narcissism , poor resilience and an external locus of control in children.

When parents assume responsibility for making their child always happy and successful, they discourage their child from developing age-appropriate autonomy and encourage the child to expect other adults to protect them from facing any challenge.

One study showed children over the age of nine viewed parental help or monitoring of their homework as a sign of their incompetence. It might be useful to offer this kind of support when a child is younger, but parents need to adjust their approach to homework as the child gets older and help only if specifically requested.

For adolescents, parental help with homework has been posited to be developmentally inappropriate . The child should be self-managing their workload, so this kind of help can limit the adolescent’s development of autonomy and sense of responsibility for their schoolwork, leading to poorer homework performance .

By year 12, parents should step back completely. If they don’t, students can rely on the adults in their lives to take a high level of responsibility for them completing their academic work, which may reduce their motivation in school work.

A recent study of parents from Catholic and independent schools found those who endorse overparenting beliefs tend to take more responsibility for their child doing their homework and also expect their child’s teachers to take more responsibility for it, particularly in the middle and senior school years.

This research may explain why some parents continue to be highly involved in their child’s university work and not grant their child autonomy over their own decisions . These parental actions have been associated with higher rates of depression and reduced life satisfaction among university students

Here’s how to provide the appropriate level of support.

Tips for parents

Show an interest in your child’s schooling but avoid being more interested in their schoolwork than they are – or it risks making it “your thing” and not “their thing”.

Set rules about homework (when and where it should be done), particularly in their younger years.

Try not to offer your help before they ask; let them ask you. This will boost their confidence in completing schoolwork without constant adult help.

Make sure you are coaching and not doing. Don’t fix every mistake or act as an editor. Get older children to ask you specific questions only, like, for example: “Is my conclusion clear?”

In junior school, get homework done before fun things. Then prompt rather than remind them, eg: “What needs to be done before you watch TV?”

Every year, reassess what you do for your child and whether your actions stop them developing important skills, such as responsibility and autonomy. For example, you should start to withdraw your reminders for homework early in their schooling, including gentle reminders such as, “Do you have much homework?”

With this must come the child accepting responsibility for homework and teacher-delivered consequences should they forget to do homework or to bring it to school. Remember these remain a reflection of your child’s current organisation and motivation, not your parenting.

Finally, remember a golden rule – your actions as a parent should not be primarily about making them successful now, but about building the life skills that will enable them to be successful in the future without your help.

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Why you shouldn't help your kids with their homework

It may feel tempting – proper even – to help your child with homework, but parents who get involved this way don’t improve their kids’ test scores or grades, and can hurt their academic achievement, two researchers have found.

“We need to do away with the assumption that anything parents do will help. That assumes that parents have all the answers, and parents do not have all the answers,” Angel L. Harris, one of the scholars, told TODAY Moms.

“Some of the things that they do may actually lead to declines in achievement – inadvertently, of course.”

More From Today: Should Kids Wear School Uniforms?

Harris, a professor of sociology and African and African-American studies at Duke, and Keith Robinson, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of Texas, Austin, are the authors of the book “The Broken Compass: Parental Involvement With Children’s Education.”

They analyzed surveys of American families released in the last three decades by the U.S. Department of Education – surveys that followed the same families over time and collected information such as kids’ achievements, behaviors and their parents’ behaviors.

“We found that when parents from various racial, ethnic and socioeconomic groups regularly helped their child with homework, in most cases, it made no difference for the child’s improvement in their test scores in reading, math, and their grades,” Robinson said.

“Regular help with homework… even compromised achievement in grades for white, black and non-Mexican Hispanic children.”

Could the findings simply reflect the fact that kids struggling with school ask for more homework help, thus making it look as though children who get more help do worse? No, Harris said, because the researchers measured the change in achievement among all kids, including those who performed well in school. The effect of parental homework involvement was the same across the board.

Since the surveys only provided information about how often parents helped with homework , not how they helped, Harris and Robinson can only speculate about the “why” part of the results. The basic message to parents is that being involved will not always result in better grades, Robinson said.

“Parents tend to take the reins of how they’re going to help with homework without consulting the child,” Robinson noted. “So maybe parents could ask kids, ‘Is what I’m doing helping you?’”

"It makes you rethink the assumption that helpers know what they’re doing, that they know how to help," Harris added.

Vicki Davis , a high school teacher at Westwood Schools in Camilla, Ga., said families who are over-involved in their children’s homework can enable helplessness. She’s seen her share of parents doing the assignments for their kids, especially writing papers, or taking charge of high-stakes, big projects.

“As a teacher, you recognize a student’s work. It’s like seeing somebody’s face every day and then all of a sudden, their face looks different,” Davis said.

“I don’t think most parents meant to do it. They just kind of start taking over.”

Davis expects elementary school students to get help from parents because they’re still learning study skills, and she doesn’t mind if older students talk “big picture” with their families about a project. 

But in general, parents should limit their involvement to making sure kids are completing their homework, she advised.

She finds the students who do best in school have parents who hold them accountable and regularly look at their grades. The goal is to create independent, lifelong learners, she said.

Kerry Lyons, a mother of five in Irvington, N.Y., said the research findings are a “huge relief.” Lyons works full time, so when she gets home, her kids – three kindergartners, one second-grader and one fourth-grader – are usually done with homework.

She estimates she helps twice a week, and then sits down with each child during the weekend to discuss what they worked on.

“I beat myself up sometimes because I’m surrounded by parents who are so focused on their kids and so focused on helping them with their school work and helping them succeed, and I simply don’t have the hours in the day to do that,” Lyons, 42, said.

“You worry about setting them up for the best possible start… (but) they’re going to be OK and they might even be better off.”

If helping with homework isn’t a good way for parents to be involved, Harris and Robinson found three ways that do help kids do better in school: Requesting a particular teacher for your child; expecting him or her to go to college, and discussing school activities with your child.

Follow A. Pawlowski on Google+ and Twitter .

Battles Over Homework: Advice For Parents

Guidelines for helping children develop self-discipline with their homework..

Posted September 5, 2012 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma

I would like to offer some advice about one of the most frequent problems presented to me in over 30 years of clinical practice: battles over homework. I have half-jokingly told many parents that if the schools of New York State no longer required homework, our children’s education would suffer (slightly). But, as a child psychologist, I would be out of business.

Many parents accept this conflict with their children as an unavoidable consequence of responsible parenting . These battles, however, rarely result in improved learning or performance in school. More often than not, battles over homework lead to vicious cycles of nagging by parents and avoidance or refusal by children, with no improvement in a child’s school performance. And certainly no progress toward what should be our ultimate goals : helping children enjoy learning and develop age-appropriate discipline and independence with respect to their schoolwork.

Before I present a plan for reducing battles over homework, it is important to begin with this essential reminder:

The solution to the problem of homework always begins with an accurate diagnosis and a recognition of the demands placed on your child. Parents should never assume that a child who resists doing homework is “lazy.”

Every child whose parents or teachers report ongoing resistance to completing schoolwork or homework; every child whose performance in school is below expectations based on his parents’ or teachers’ intuitive assessment of his intellectual potential; and every child who, over an extended period of time, complains that he “hates school” or “hates reading,” should be evaluated for the presence of an attention or learning disorder.

These children are not lazy. Your child may be anxious, frustrated, discouraged, distracted, or angry—but this is not laziness. I frequently explain to parents that, as a psychologist, the word lazy is not in my dictionary. Lazy, at best, is a description, not an explanation.

For children with learning difficulties, doing their homework is like running with a sprained ankle: It is possible, although painful, and he will look for ways to avoid or postpone this painful and discouraging task.

A Homework Plan

Homework, like any constructive activity, involves moments of frustration, discouragement, and anxiety . If you begin with some appreciation of your child’s frustration and discouragement, you will be better able to put in place a structure that helps him learn to work through his frustration—to develop increments of frustration tolerance and self-discipline.

I offer families who struggle with this problem a Homework Plan:

• Set aside a specified, and limited, time for homework. Establish, early in the evening, a homework hour.
• For most children, immediately after school is not the best time for homework. This is a time for sports, for music and drama, and free play.
• During the homework hour, all electronics are turned off—for the entire family.
• Work is done in a communal place, at the kitchen or dining room table. Contrary to older conventional wisdom , most elementary school children are able to work more much effectively in a common area, with an adult and even other children present, than in the “quiet” of their rooms.
• Parents may do their own ”homework” during this time, but they are present and continually available to help, to offer encouragement, and to answer children’s questions. Your goal is to create, to the extent possible, a library atmosphere in your home, again, for a specified and limited period of time. Ideally, therefore, parents should not make or receive telephone calls during this hour. And when homework is done, there is time for play.
• Begin with a reasonable, a doable, amount of time set aside for homework. If your child is unable to work for 20 minutes, begin with 10 minutes. Then try 15 minutes in the next week. Acknowledge every increment of effort, however small.
• Be positive and give frequent encouragement. Make note of every improvement, not every mistake.
• Be generous with your praise. Praise their effort, not their innate ability. But do not be afraid of praise.
• Anticipate setbacks. After a difficult day, reset for the following day.
• Give them time. A child’s difficulty completing homework begins as a problem of frustration and discouragement, but it is then complicated by defiant attitudes and feelings of unfairness. A homework plan will begin to reduce these defiant attitudes, but this will not happen overnight.

Most families have found these suggestions helpful, especially for elementary school children. Establishing a homework hour allows parents to move away from a language of threats (“If you don’t__ you won’t be able to__”) to a language of opportunities (“When” or “As soon as” you have finished__ we’ll have a chance to__”).

Of course, for many hurried families, there are complications and potential glitches in implementing any homework plan. It is often difficult, with children’s many activities, to find a consistent time for homework. Some flexibility, some amendments to the plan, may be required. But we should not use the complications of scheduling or other competing demands as an excuse, a reason not to establish the structure of a reasonable homework routine.

Copyright Ken Barish, Ph.D.

See Pride and Joy: A Guide to Understanding Your Child’s Emotions and Solving Family Problems .

Kenneth Barish, Ph.D. , is a clinical associate professor of Psychology at Weill Medical College, Cornell University.

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Hey, Parents of K–5 Kids: Hands Off the Homework!

If they don’t ask for help, you don’t need to offer..

The beginning of a new school year can be stressful for kids and parents alike. But one thing parents of elementary-school kids shouldn’t have to stress over is supervising homework daily, because we now have evidence that such supervision actually may not have a positive impact on children’s academic achievement.

While there is an ongoing debate among educators whether homework is generally beneficial in elementary school, in my view, it depends on the nature of the work assigned. Developmentally appropriate homework on relevant material that can be done by the child independently (without need of adult supervision) is, I think, contributing to formation of habits that will serve the child well as they move through their education journey. The “10 minutes per grade” rule seems like a reasonable practice (so that a second grader, for example, might be asked to read for 20 minutes a day).

That question of “adult supervision” is where my new research comes in. We know parental help with homework has been long hailed by educators and policymakers as an effective mechanism to help children succeed, but having studied parenting practices as a sociologist of education and childhood for over two decades, I questioned whether data actually supported this widely held claim. As it turns out, my recent research, conducted at Penn State, suggests that parents could be wasting their time.

My study, using two nationally representative datasets that each tracked about 20,000 kids from kindergarten through fifth grade, showed no benefits of parental help with homework. In other words, we found no statistically significant association between parental help with homework, as measured by level of intensity (from everyday help, to less than once a week) and self-reported during parent interviews at each wave of data collection, and subsequent math and reading achievement. While my research cannot prove the mechanisms by which potential benefits of parental help with homework for this age group are outweighed, my team and I suggested three possible explanations: cognitive loss, adverse effects on home emotional climate, and deferred responsibility.

Under pressure to get homework completed, parents might think they’re helping their kids by offering the correct answers. Research by others, however, suggests that this practice deprives students of the main purpose of homework—to sharpen problem-solving and other skills. This parental intervention may also mask a child’s skills or knowledge gap that would have otherwise been discovered by a teacher.

The daily involvement of parents with a child’s homework has also been associated with a negative effect on the emotional climate of the family. Parents can be more critical than teachers, or they may apply too much pressure, or create an overall stressful situation by being too controlling and intrusive. That kind of parental behavior has been linked in other research to lower academic achievement, whereas supportive involvement has a positive effect.

Parents constantly checking a child’s homework for completion and accuracy may also send a message to the child that the responsibility of finishing homework falls on their parents, and not themselves. Developing a sense of responsibility for completing a task is an important behavior that a child can cultivate through homework.

I’m not suggesting that parents shouldn’t be involved at all in their children’s homework. Parents can enhance their children’s learning experience at home by providing a living space conducive to learning (a quiet atmosphere, free from distractions), and conveying a clear message about the importance of education—this is what other researchers have labeled “ stage setting ”. And it’s important for the child to know that if they really struggle, there is an adult who can help. But the help shouldn’t be provided automatically or imposed.

Parents can also redirect the time they would have spent fighting with kids over homework into more beneficial activities that boost kids’ emotional development, which has been shown to positively impact their future academic success, such as calm and positive conversations about school and their friends, what they enjoy in classes, and their academic goals. When parents develop warm, close relationships with their children, conveying the importance of doing well in school becomes a natural part of conversation, without being perceived as putting pressure on the child or “lecturing.”

Parental support is crucially important for children’s developing sense of self, as well as building their confidence to achieve various goals. Equally effective is encouraging your child to put forward their best effort, as opposed to achieving a certain defined outcome, such as being a straight A student.

Parents are misplacing their energy when they help their kids with homework. My research, which controls for the variety of family and parental characteristics, including income and education level of the parent, family structure and the child’s achievement, challenges widely accepted guidance , including some from the U.S. Department of Education, that promotes homework as “an opportunity for families to be involved in their children’s education.” I think it may, instead, be causing unnecessary stress to kids and parents alike.

As your elementary-aged children bring their homework home with them this fall, resist the temptation to get too involved. Allow them space to struggle and work through problems on their own, even if that means they won’t always come to the correct conclusions. Taking a small hit on an insignificant assignment now may set your child up for even greater success in the future.

Homework Help for Reluctant Children

• Posted October 15, 2018
• By Heather Miller

It’s hard to fault the child who resists doing homework. After all, she has already put in a long day at school, probably been involved in afterschool activities, and, as the late afternoon spills into evening, now faces a pile of assignments. Parents feel it, too — it’s no one’s favorite time of day.

But despite its bad rap, homework plays an important role in ensuring that students can execute tasks independently. When it’s thoughtfully assigned, homework provides deeper engagement with material introduced in class. And even when it’s “just” worksheets, homework can build the automatic habits and the basic skills required to tackle more interesting endeavors. Finally, homework is a nightly test of grit. Adult life brings its share of tasks that are both compulsory and unenjoyable. Developing the discipline to fulfill our responsibilities, regardless of whether they thrill us, begins in middle childhood.

So how to help the avoidant child embrace the challenge, rather than resist it?

The first step, especially with kids 13 and under, is to have them do their homework at a communal space, like a dining room or kitchen table. If other children are in the home, they can all do their homework at the same table, and the parent can sit nearby to support the work effort. This alleviates some of the loneliness a reluctant child might associate with assignments. The alternative — doing homework at a bedroom desk — can result in the child guiltily avoiding the work for as long as possible. Like all forms of procrastination, this has the effect of making the entire process take much longer than it needs to.  

When parents turn the homework ritual into a series of conversations about what needs to be done, how, and for how long, children feel less “alone” with their nightly work, they relish the company and support of their parent, and they work better and more efficiently.

Many parents are under the impression that they shouldn’t have anything to do with their children's homework. This comes from schools emphasizing that homework is a child's responsibility, not the parents'. While it is absolutely true that parents should not do their children's homework, there is a role for parents — one that's perhaps best described as “homework project manager.” Parents can be monitoring, organizing, motivating, and praising the homework effort as it gets done. And yes, that means sitting with your child to help them stay focused and on task. Your presence sends the message that homework is important business, not to be taken lightly.

Once you’re sitting down with your child, ask him to unload his school bag and talk you through his various assignments. Maybe he has a school planner with all his homework listed, or a printout from school, or perhaps his work is listed on the classroom website. Many children attend an afterschool program where, in theory, they are doing homework. They’ll often claim that they’ve done all their homework, even though they’ve only done some. Together, make a quick and easy “Done/To Do” list. Writing down what she has finished will give her a sense of satisfaction. Identifying what she still needs to do will help her to focus on the remaining assignments. Over time, this practice will help your child build an understanding that large tasks are completed incrementally.

Next, ask your child to put the assignments in the order he’d like to do them. Encourage him to explain his thinking. Doing this helps a child feel in control of the evening’s tasks and prompts him to reflect on his work style. Discuss the first task of the night together. Ask your child to think about the supplies he is likely to need, and ensure they’re at the ready. This “pre-work” work helps a child think through a task, understand it, and prepare to execute it with gusto.

Last but not least, introduce a timer to the evening’s proceedings. Challenge your child to estimate how long the first assignment will take. Then ask, “Do you want me to set the timer for the full amount of time you think you’ll need, or a smaller amount?” Then, set the timer with the understanding that the child must work without interruption until the timer goes off. Even questions are verboten while the timer runs. The goal here is to enable the child to solve problems independently, through concentration. This not only builds concentration powers, it builds creativity, critical thinking, resilience, and resourcefulness. In my experience, the theatricality of being timed helps relax children who would otherwise feel daunted by a mountain of homework.

As each piece of work gets done, parents can add meaningful positive reinforcement. Exclaiming, “Another assignment done! And done well!” helps your child feel like what they are doing matters.

By turning the homework ritual into a series of conversations about what needs to be done, how, and for how long, children feel less “alone” with their nightly work, they relish the company and support of their parent, and they complete the work much more efficiently and at a higher standard than they might otherwise.

Helping the Homework Resisters

• Have children do their work at a communal table. Stay nearby, to alleviate the loneliness that some kids feel — and to prevent procrastination.
• Ask your child to unload her backpack and talk through assignments.
• Help your child make a "Done/To Do" list.
• Ask your child to put the assignments in the order he’d like to do them. Encourage him to explain his thinking — fostering a sense of control.
• Use a timer. Challenge your child to estimate how long an assignment will take, and ask if she wants to set the timer for that full amount of time, or less. 
• Your role: To monitor, organize, motivate, and praise the homework effort as each piece is done. 

Additional Resource

• More about Heather Miller's work to help parents create healthy routines on weeknights

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Don’t Help Your Kids With Homework

Focus on prioritization and process, not the assignment itself.

So much of the homework advice parents are given is theory-based, and therefore not entirely helpful in the chaos of day-to-day life. People are told that students should have “ grit .” They should “ learn from failure .” But it’s hard to know how to implement these ideas when what you really need is to support a kid who has a chemistry test and two papers due in the next 48 hours but seems to be focused only on Instagram.

Some parents manage to guide their kids through these moments with relative ease. Others hire tutors. The large majority of us, however, are stuck at home alone, trying to stave off our own breakdowns in the face of our children’s.

While reprimanding your child for not having started her homework earlier may be your natural instinct, in the midst of stress, it will only make her shut down or lash out. In our experience as teachers, tutors, and parents, the students who feel terrible about procrastinating are more likely to have anxiety and negative feelings that will only fuel their continued procrastination. So instead of admonishing your procrastinator, take a deep breath and try to figure out how she’s going to manage the tasks at hand. Help her make a realistic plan to manage her time. Try to model understanding, even when you’re upset.

Having tolerance for challenges will allow her to approach future frustrations from a more positive perspective. Easier said than done, to be sure, but try to work with your child to identify not only how but why her homework habits are suffering. This understanding will be crucial to helping her transform these habits into more effective ones.

Read: The cult of homework

Because most of us are programmed to focus on present rather than future fulfillment, it’s easy to put off something we dread. Kids who procrastinate almost always do so because they have negative associations with or feelings about a particular task. Unfortunately, avoiding assignments usually lowers students’ self-esteem and makes them dislike the topic that much more, resulting in a vicious cycle of procrastination. Therefore, it’s important both to address why students are procrastinating—what’s upsetting them about the work at hand—and to give them practical tools to manage their time and set priorities.

If you’re worried that your child is the only one in her class who takes ages to get started on her homework, fear not. Students in our classes—and our own kids too, just like many of us adults—have found every which way to put off sitting down to tackle the one thing they know they need to get done. There are all kinds of reasons kids avoid doing their homework. Maybe they’re concerned about what a teacher will think, or that their work won’t measure up to a friend’s. Maybe they’re distracted by something that happened in school that day.

Whatever the case may be, the first step here is determining out what’s stressing your child out in the first place.

If your child fears what her teacher will think if she makes mistakes: She should start off by independently reviewing the material that she feels unsure of, and then reach out to her teacher for further help if she needs it. Assure her that asking questions and making an effort are important to her teacher. Take it from us: Teachers see questions as a sign of an engaged, conscientious, and curious student. No matter the teacher’s temperament or reputation, she will respond positively to your child coming to her with sincere questions and hard work.

If your child fears parental judgment due to bad grades: Remember that although high marks may be important to you, focusing on process and effort is key to your child’s success, not to mention that putting too much pressure on her can lead to resentment. Help your child create a process she can rely on for her work. Better effort will help your child engage with the material and yield better results in the long run.

If your child fears her best friend’s judgment: Start by encouraging your child not to discuss grades with her friends. Middle schoolers in particular tend to share their marks with one another, and it usually just makes kids feel lousy. The “What did you get?” question is tough for all students, especially in the middle grades, when they are looking for affirmation from their peers. Your child’s grades are no one else’s business. While her best friend may do well in history, he may have more trouble with math than your child does. Or maybe he seems great at everything now, but he actually struggles in art class, and in the future he’ll be a terrible driver or have an awkward first date. In other words, we all have subjects—or areas of our lives—that come more or less easily than others. Challenges are inevitable. What matters most is how we approach them.

If your child fears she isn’t capable: First acknowledge how painful this feeling must be. Then reassure her that she is capable and give concrete anecdotes so she doesn’t roll her eyes. Share with her a moment when you thought you couldn’t do something, but you learned to conquer the task. And be honest! Your kid will know that you didn’t really wrestle that champion alligator. Emphasize the importance of determination, effort, and persistence in whichever example of your successes you choose to share.

If your child is exhausted: Prioritize only what’s really essential. Try to help your child go to bed earlier. She can always wake up early to complete smaller assignments if need be. Getting major work done while exhausted is a losing battle for everyone. Help her plan ahead. Create a schedule for completing small portions of a larger assignment over the course of several days or weeks to make overwhelming work seem more manageable.

Read: My daughter’s homework is killing me

Once you figure out what’s driving your child’s procrastination, you can strategize with her about logistics. Start by removing temptation when possible. Of course she’d rather see where her friends went this afternoon than stare at a blinking cursor, and if all it takes is a simple click or swipe for your child to access social media, it’s going to take her eons to finish an assignment. It will be almost impossible for her to develop an argument that flows if she’s tempted by her phone. So all possible impediments to success should be removed. Disabling social-media and messaging apps and having a conversation about the purpose of setting technology limits is an important first step. Putting her phone aside will also help her compartmentalize time so that she can get her work done more thoroughly and then have free time afterward. Technological boundaries may lead to major pushback—especially now, when kids rely on technology for most forms of socializing—but this temporary misery is undoubtedly worth it in the long run.

And emphasize that short-term pleasure equals long-term pain. Empathize with children who do not want to do something that’s hard. Then remind them that the immediate instinct to procrastinate and play video games will make life miserable later. While they may resist and grumble, helping establish rules will ultimately prevent suffering tonight, tomorrow, and next week. Kids thrive in the comfort, reliability, and safety of a structured, focused work environment. It’s never easy, but on evenings when you want to tear your hair out because your child won’t sit down to work, reinforce the message that short-term gratification will only get in the way of long-term goals.

Finally, explain the relevance of the assignment. If kids don’t understand why they’re doing the work, they’re more likely to be frustrated. For example, your child might ask, “Why do I need to know algebra? I’ll never use it when I’m older.” You can tell the truth: “You probably won’t need to know about variables in everyday life, but learning algebra will give you a framework for understanding how to break down and solve complex tasks down the road.”

Learning to work independently, without a teacher’s direct counsel, is key to building academic and personal autonomy. So when your child is overwhelmed, help her figure out why, and then model strategies that foster independence, confidence, and well-being.

This piece is adapted from Freireich and Platzer’s new book, Taking the Stress out of Homework . Every Tuesday, they answer education-related questions . Have one? Email them at [email protected].

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In early 2020, around the onset of Covid-19 lockdowns, Jessica Mungekar noticed her seventh grade honor student, Layla, retreat. “I knew that she felt really uncomfortable and she wanted to fall into the background,” Mungekar says. “She didn’t want to be noticed and I didn’t quite understand it.”

Meanwhile, Layla was keeping the source of her pain secret from her mother: She was being bullied and was struggling with her identity as a biracial teen in a predominantly white town. Layla feared if she told her mom about the extent of the bullying, Jessica would have called the school, making the problem even worse.

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Things came to a head the summer before Layla’s first year of high school when she shared with her mom details of a traumatic event. Layla urged her mother not to make decisions on her behalf in the aftermath. Instead, Jessica went into what she calls “mama bear mode” and made demands of her daughter: Cut off contact with these friends, join these extracurricular activities, you are only allowed out of the house during these hours. Layla felt like her autonomy was being taken away.

Over the course of a few months, mother and daughter worked to repair their relationship and communication. Now, Jessica says she is sure to listen to Layla instead of immediately offering advice, validates her daughter’s feelings, and gives her freedom to express herself. For her part, Layla confides in her mother all the time, even about her dating life. Her friends often seek out Jessica for counsel, too. “She’s become a safe place where people go to get advice,” Layla, now 16, says. “She’s joyous and doesn’t pass judgment.”

Students are faced with a daily barrage of potential stressors: a demanding course load, tricky social dynamics, managing both their time and emotions. In a four-year study designed to estimate the prevalence of mental disorders in kindergarteners through 12th graders, findings showed one in six students exhibited enough symptoms to meet the criteria for one or more childhood mental disorders, such as anxiety disorders and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. According to a 2019 Pew Research Center report, 61 percent of teens said they felt a lot of pressure to get good grades. About 22 percent of 12- to 18-year-old students reported being bullied during the school year in 2019, per a National Center for Education Statistics survey . None of these statistics takes into account the toll of the pandemic, which set students back academically and had negative effects on their mental health .

Once kids leave the house, parents and other adults in their lives have little influence on their students’ school days. Unable to witness or guide children through the difficulties in and out of the classroom, parents often get piecemeal or incomplete views of how their kids spent the last hours, especially if the child is young and can’t adequately verbalize their struggles or frustrations. Signs that a student may be experiencing hardship at school include increased irritability, difficulty sleeping or lack of sleep, and changes in appetite, says Jessica Kendorski , the chair of the school psychology department and professor at the Philadelphia College of Osteopathic Medicine. They may also say they feel sick in order to stay home, when in reality they may be stressed or anxious about school, Kendorski says.

Another indicator of a struggling child includes extreme people-pleasing, says Meredith Draughn , the school counselor at B. Everett Jordan Elementary School in Graham, NC, and the 2023 American School Counselor Association Counselor of the Year. High school students may also exhibit a “freeze” response, Draughn says. “It’s like well, that kid just doesn’t care, right? That kid’s super apathetic,” she says. “What we find when we dig into it more is they’re so overwhelmed by everything that’s happening that they just choose to do nothing because they don’t know how to address it.”

What, then, is the right way to support the students in your life? The tactics will vary based on the age of your child and the issues they’re facing. Regardless of your approach, experts say to always keep your kids in the loop of any decisions you’re making about their emotional and academic success.

Encourage growth mindset tactics for academic achievement

From homework to challenging classes, students experience a number of academic hurdles. Sometimes, they may fail a test or drop the ball on a project. While some students may criticize themselves (“I’m not smart enough”) or claim the material was too difficult, parents should promote a growth mindset : the ability to learn from setbacks, implement new processes, and improve. “You want to praise the effort and the strategies that they used,” Kendorski says. “If they fail something, you want to talk through ‘Why did you fail this? Let’s talk about what you can do to be successful next time.’”

A fixed mindset is one where people believe their skills are set in stone and they have no possibility of improving. When students in his classroom share fixed mindset sentiments like “I can’t do this,” elementary school teacher Josh Monroe is quick to amend the statement: “You can’t do this yet .” The power of yet helps students “understand that you don’t have to know it all right now — and it’s important that you don’t, that’s how you grow,” he says.

While it’s crucial to encourage a growth mindset with students who use negative self-talk, like “I’ll never learn this” or “I’m not good enough,” a fixed mindset can also backfire if you constantly tell a student “You’re so smart,” Kendorski says. “When things start to get really difficult, you might find kids that don’t want to take chances,” she says, “because they think that if I fail, I’m going to lose that ‘I’m so smart’ title.” Instead, she says, focus on accomplishments based on effort and strategies: “I’m really proud of you for organizing a study group with your friends.”

To help ensure your kids get their homework done and prepare for tests, Kendorski encourages a routine: dedicating a time and a place for schoolwork. If your student retains information more effectively if they study for a little bit each day instead of cramming, offer that as an option.

When the kid in your life asks for help with homework and you’re a little rusty on, say, algebra, don’t feel ashamed to admit you don’t know how to solve the problem, Draughn says. Monroe recommends the online educational tool Khan Academy , which features videos that guide both parents and students through all levels of educational concepts and lessons. For additional academic resources, reach out to your student’s teacher who will know about after-school tutoring sessions or extra guidance, Draughn says. “Going to teachers early and often, when help is needed, is the most crucial part of it,” she says, “because there are those programs, but they do fill up pretty quickly.”

Empower students to navigate difficult social situations with confidence

School can be a social minefield, with kids learning how to independently interact with peers and regulate their emotions. If your child shares that they’re being picked on or ostracized in school, Draughn suggests that you first validate their experience and never downplay their emotions. Ask them what level of support they want: Do they think it would be helpful to talk to a school counselor or a teacher? Or do they prefer you to reach out to the teacher directly? In Layla Mungekar’s experience, she would have opted for her mother to not interfere with her social life. “Letting them lead the way on that is important,” Draughn says. “They may say, I feel like I have the tools to handle this — and that’s great. Then you check in. But doing nothing and just not mentioning it again is not going to help anything.”

You might also start counseling your kid on self-advocacy and assertiveness at home, too, Draughn says, helping them identify moments where they should speak out against bad behavior and pointing out trustworthy adults to whom they can report issues, regardless of whether they are on the receiving end or have witnessed another student being bullied. “If someone is making you feel socially or physically unsafe, that’s the time to speak up,” says Tracee Perryman , the author of Elevating Futures: A Model For Empowering Black Elementary Student Success . Again, only reach out to the school yourself after talking it over with your kid.

However, your child may simply be shy and reserved, not the victim of bullying. Perryman says to help build confidence with the kids in your life by reminding them that what they have to say is important and they have valuable interests and insights worth sharing with others.

When it comes to social media, Jessica Mungekar discovered teens will “do what they’re going to do, whether you want them to or not,” she says. It’s better to listen if your child is involved with social media-related conflict, remind them they are not in trouble, and support them as you work to create a plan together. “I think it’s important in this day and age for kids to have social media because otherwise they get [alienated] by their peers,” Layla Mungekar says. “But it’s a lot safer when parents have those conversations, like yeah, this is going to happen and when it does happen, you should feel safe to come to me and not be blamed for that.”

Experts emphasize the transitory nature of school. While it’s crucial for students to apply themselves academically and make strides socially, remind them that one speed bump, fight with a friend, blunder, or bad grade will not drastically alter the trajectory of their lives. “It’s better that I make those mistakes now,” Layla says, “while I have someone there to help me.”

Promote balance to minimize stress

Just like adults, kids can get stressed due to the demands of school and extracurriculars, as well as conflicts with friends and family. If kids are sleeping very late on weekends or too tired to do activities they typically enjoy, like spending time with friends, they might need more balance in their schedules, Perryman says.

Ask your kid directly: “Are you playing T-ball three nights a week because you like it or you feel like you have to?” or “You had three extracurriculars last semester and it was really overwhelming for you. Do you want to pick two for this coming semester?” Draughn suggests. Remind your kid that just because they step away from a hobby now doesn’t mean they can’t come back to it in the future. Make sure students have one weeknight and one weekend day solely devoted to downtime, too, Draughn says. However, don’t discount the fact that sports and other activities can be rejuvenating for kids, even if they’re not resting.

Parents and supportive adults are quick to problem-solve for the kids in their lives, but Kendorski stresses the importance of asking, “Do you want me to listen? Or do you want me to help?” Your child might just want to vent about a tough baseball practice. When Layla wants validation and a hug from her mom, she asks her “to be a waterfall.” When she’s feeling less emotionally charged, then Layla and her mom can problem-solve.

For high-achieving students who may be stressed about grades and college applications, Kendorski suggests asking your kids what story they’re telling themselves about success. For example, they might worry that a bad test grade means they’ll never get into their dream college. Help them map more realistic outcomes by thinking about the absolute worst-case scenario and alternative paths. For example, the worst that could happen if they fail a single test is maybe they get a C for the quarter. But reinforce how if they study and complete all their homework, the likelihood of failing is minimized.

Remember not to make your stress their stress. Children are intuitive and can pick up on how the adults in their lives are feeling, Kendorski says. Instead of turning away from uncomfortable emotions, encourage open communication. If you’re disappointed in a mediocre grade, try saying, “I’m feeling a little bummed about the C on that test, but that’s my issue. I know you work hard and with some more practice, I know you’ll do better next time.”

Parents should always validate their child’s struggles and encourage caring for their mental health. Whether they’re seeking support from a trusted teacher or you think they’d benefit from speaking with a therapist — ask them how they’d feel about chatting with a professional before scheduling an appointment — remind them that “mental health is health,” Draughn says. That matters more than any test score.

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When Should Children Begin Handling Homework Independently?

6 minutes reading time

• 01. The Importance Of Homework
• 02. Why It's Necessary
• 03. Parent's Involvement With Homework
• 04. What To Avoid While Helping With Homework
• 05. Homework Time Made Easy

Educators have heavily questioned the merit of homework since the late 19 th century. Moreover, it is still a hot topic within the academic community.

Since the 80's the amount of homework assigned has increased significantly.

In the 21 st century, students of kindergarten to fifth grades spend an average of 2.9 hours on homework per week.

As students move up a grade, their homework load increases. Sixth to eighth-graders spend 3.2 hours on homework per subject, and ninth to twelfth graders invest 3.5 hours per subject on their assignments.

If a high school student has five subjects, he is spending 17.5 hours on homework every week!

The Importance Of Homework

'Practice makes perfect.' We have all heard this saying. And, it is true, to a certain extent.

According to a new study from Princeton University, Michigan State University, and Rice University, practice does not make you perfect. However, it usually makes you better at what you are practicing.

So, why should students have homework? Well, homework is an efficient way to revise the lessons taught in class.

Students usually retain 50% of what the teacher says. So, when the students do homework, it helps them remember what they learned.

Moreover, practicing on their own helps them grasp the information better, improve their memory and critical thinking skills. Also, homework is linked to a student's academic achievement.

Research showed that pupils spending 31 – 90 minutes daily on homework achieved 40 points higher on the SAT-Mathematics subtest than those who did not.

Also, homework helps parents be more active in supporting their children academically. During the process, a stronger bond can be formed as both parties share their school life experiences.

If you are still wondering why is homework important:

• It allows you to better understand topics learned in class
• Helps in developing essential skills
• Improves your ability to learn
• Instills discipline
• Allows you to be independent

Why It's Necessary

The teachers should rethink homework policies. Work should not be assigned just for the sake of it, but it should be given so it benefits the student; as the saying goes: quality over quantity.

Ever walked inside a room and forgotten why you came there in the first place? The new environment kind of takes you back, and you start to wonder, 'why am I here?'

The same happens with students; after one period ends, a new one begins right after, resulting in the previous class's information taking a bit of a backseat.

Students need to assess information in different environments, so they get a better grip on the subject. Revising what they learned at school helps them remember and practice their skills in a different setup.

Education researcher, Professor John Hattie, told BBC in 2014, "The worst thing you can do with homework is give kids projects; the best thing you can do is reinforce something you've already learned."

Back to the question, is homework necessary? Research conducted amongst 4,300 students by Stanford Graduate School of Education stated that over 56% considered it stressful.

Others reported an increase in anxiety followed by sleep deprivation, weight loss, and exhaustion. Creating a homework guide for students may help alleviate some of the mental pressure.

Parent's Involvement With Homework

Too much of anything can become overwhelming. For example, too much sugar can spoil a dessert. Similarly, parents should be interested in their kid's school life, but not more than them.

Help them when it comes to their homework but do not do their work for them.

Keep a check on it and guide them, but don't do their entire work for them. According to research, this leads to dependency, which will negatively impact the child's development skills.

A parent should be their child's well-wisher but should not spoon-feed them in any way.

Research done by Eva M. Pomerantz and Missa Murry Eaton, University of Illinois, concluded that children perceived parents helping them with homework at an older age as a sign of incompetence.

As a parent, one wants to build their child up and not bring them down; hence involvement in homework and school is good but to a limit. When the boundary is crossed, it takes a toll in ways one cannot even imagine.

A study done by Pomerantz and Murry shows that after the age of 9, a student perceives their guardian's help in homework as more of an interference. This perspective can damage a child's self-esteem severely.

When the child turns 12, parents should take a step back and let the kid be on their own unless they seek their assistance.

This helps build the child's confidence and gives them a taste of adulthood as they learn how to work independently and face the consequences of their actions.

The feeling of independence at a young age makes the children more responsible and helps them make wiser decisions as they are held accountable for their actions.

What To Avoid While Helping With Homework

When it comes to helping a child with their homework, there are several challenges that parents face, such as:

Doing The Homework

The majority of the parents do this without realizing that they are not helping their children. Doing the homework for your child is unethical and doesn't do any good.

Homework is given for a reason, so the child learns to do it on their own. But, unfortunately, when the parent takes over, they aren't nurturing their child's learning abilities.

Moreover, the teacher thinks that the child is doing the work, so their concepts are clear. But, unfortunately, this sends the wrong message to the child that as long as the work is done, it doesn't matter how you did it.

As a result, the child will also not appreciate the effort and time it takes to complete homework and may struggle academically in the future due to this.

Often, children enjoy doing homework, especially if it is related to their favorite subject. Depriving the child of that little joy can impact their mood negatively.

Complaining About The Homework

Kids learn from watching. So, if a child witnesses their parent complaining about their homework, they will start disliking homework. Therefore, one cannot keep protecting their children and give excuses for their shortcomings.

If a parent feels the homework given is unfair or too much , they should talk to the teacher and school administration directly instead of ingraining this in their head.

Don't turn "homework time" into "argument time." On the contrary, the child should be looking forward to sitting with their parents, assisting him as he does his work.

Make it a way to bond with them instead of getting mad at the young kid for not knowing any better when it comes to schoolwork.

Not Being Present

Nobody likes feeling left behind. The same applies when it comes to helping the child with homework. You have to be present!

Being present does not solely mean just physically, but also mentally. Make sure the child knows they have your undivided attention.

This makes it easier for them to reach out for help, and they won't like they are burdening you with their queries.

Zero Communication With Teachers

Teachers are people your child spends half the day with; knowing about them is crucial!

Not just that, the teachers need to know their students' parents. Moreover, if the child requires special care and attention, then they need to be informed.

Moreover, regular communication with teachers also helps parents keep a tab on their child's school life.

Inconsistency And No Designated Place

Imagine cutting nails on your work desk; It sounds inappropriate, right? But, unfortunately, the same is the case when it comes to your child's homework.

Pick a place, time, and setup. First, of course, the child should know when the time for homework is. So, without you having to check them down, they know when homework time is.

This maintains the decorum and shows that you mean business.

Also, when you take out the time for something and stress its importance, the child will subconsciously start making the same association in their mind. Thus, they will begin giving homework the relevance it requires.

Homework Time Made Easy

When your child needs help, they will come to you, but only if you allow them to believe they can.

Coach, but don't do it for them. Have you ever seen a coach running in the race? No, right? Get the child prepped but do not run the final race for them.

Why is it important to do your homework? If you are still struggling with this question, head to Superprof and get this query answered by one of their esteemed homework help tutors.

Enjoyed this article? Leave a rating.

Ian Haynes is a digital marketing specialist and has successfully deployed over 500 pages of content as a ghostwriter for businesses of all sizes. He believes that for people to truly value your business and perceive it as a brand, your content needs to do much more than just inform, it needs to talk, engage, and convert. Outside of his work, Ian likes exploring Brooklyn with his Labrador.

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Thank you about the guideline I will practise this with my daughter.

Home / Expert Articles / Child Behavior Problems / School & Homework

7 Ways to Stop the Parent-Child Power Struggle Over Homework

By debbie pincus, ms lmhc.

Do you find yourself in full-on homework battles most nights of the week? It’s no surprise that most children and teens will dig in their heels when it comes to doing schoolwork. Think of it this way: How many kids want to do something that isn’t particularly exciting or pleasant? Most would prefer to be playing video games, riding their bikes or driving around with friends, especially after a long day of school and activities.

As long as you believe you are accountable (or to blame) for your child’s outcome, you are under her control.

The underlying truth here is that you and your child might already be caught in a power struggle over this. Like most parents, you probably want your children to do well and be responsible. Maybe you worry about your child’s future. After all, doing homework and chores are your child’s prime responsibilities, right? Let’s face it, it’s easy to get anxious when your kids are not doing what they’re supposed to be doing—and when you know how important doing schoolwork is. And when you believe you are ultimately responsible for the choices your child makes (and many of us do, consciously and unconsciously), the ante is upped and the tug of war begins.

Nagging, Lecturing and Yelling—But Nothing Changes?

If you’re in the habit of threatening, lecturing, questioning your child, nagging or even screaming at them “do the work!” (and trust me, we’ve all been there), you probably feel like you’re doing whatever it takes to get your kids on track. But when you’re in your child’s head, there’s no room for him to think for himself. And unfortunately, the more anxious you are, the more you’ll hold on in an attempt to control him and push him toward the task at hand. What happens then? Your child will resist by pushing back. That’s when the power struggle ensues. Your child, in essence, is saying, “I own my own life—stay out!” Now the battle for autonomy is getting played out around homework and chores, and exactly what you feared and hoped to avoid gets created.

This is very aggravating for parents to say the least. Many of us get trapped into thinking we are responsible for our child’s choices in life. As long as you believe you are accountable (or to blame) for your child’s outcome, you are under their control. This is because you will need your child to make those good choices—do the work—so you will feel that you’re doing a good job. Your child’s behavior becomes a reflection of you. You are now at your child’s mercy as you trying to get him to do what you want him to do so you can feel validated as a good parent. Your child does not want to be taking care of your emotional well-being, so he will naturally resist.

When kids are not following through on their responsibilities, it can easily trigger a number of feelings in parents. Note that your child did not cause these feelings, but rather triggered feelings that already belong to you. You might be triggered by a feeling of anger because you feel ineffective or fear that your child will never amount to anything. Or you might feel guilt about not doing a good enough job as a parent. Here’s the truth:  You have to be careful not to let these triggered feelings cause you to push your kids harder so that you can feel better. One of the toughest things parents have to do is learn how to soothe their own difficult feelings rather than ask their children to do that for them. This is the first step in avoiding power struggles.

Why are power struggles important to avoid? They inadvertently create just what you’ve feared. Your child is living his life in reaction to you rather than making his own independent choices. Learning how to make those choices is a necessary skill that develops self-motivation.  How can you avoid ending up in these battles? Here are 7 tips that can really help.

1. You are not responsible for your child’s choices

Understand that you are not responsible for the choices your child makes in his life. It’s impossible to take on that burden without a battle for control over another human being. Measure your success as a parent by how you behave — not by what your child chooses to do or not do. Doing a good job as a parent means that you have done all that you can do as a responsible person. It does not mean that you have raised a perfect person who has made all the right choices. Once you really get this, you won’t be so anxious about your child’s behaviors, actions, and decisions. You will be able to see your child from objective, not subjective, lenses and therefore be able to guide their behavior, because you’ll have seen what he actually needs.

2. You cannot make someone care—but you can influence them

You cannot get a person to do or care about what they don’t want to do or care about. Our kids have their own genetics, roles, and ultimately their own free will. So focusing on getting your child to change or getting something from her will not work long-term and will most often turn into a power struggle. What you can do is try to influence your child using only what is in your own hands. For example, when it comes to homework, you can structure the environment to create the greatest probability that the work will get done.

3. Think about the “fences” you’d like to create for your child

Take charge of your own best thinking and decisions rather than trying to control your child’s. Pause, think and decide what fences you want to create for your child. What are your bottom lines? Know what you can and can’t do as a parent. Recognize that what will make the biggest difference to your child (and helping him become a responsible kid who makes good choices) will be learning how to inspire him, not control him. Building a positive relationship with your kids is your best parenting strategy. Children want to please the people in their lives that they have loving feelings toward. You cannot ultimately make them accept your values, but you can inspire them to do so. Getting a child to listen to you is primarily about setting up the conditions under which they choose to do so. In order to do this, make a conscious effort to sprinkle your relationship with more positive interactions than negative ones. Hug, show affection, laugh together, and spend time with one another. Point out your appreciations most instead of constantly correcting, instructing, teaching, yelling, complaining, or reprimanding.  Don’t get me wrong, you need to correct and reprimand as a parent. But make a conscious effort so that every time you do this, you will follow it with many positive interactions. The human brain remembers the negatives much more than the positives. Most kids will be happy to listen and be guided by the people in their lives who they like and respect.

4. Should you give consequences when kids don’t do homework?

Parents always ask whether or not they should give consequences to kids if they don’t do their homework—or instead just let the chips fall where they may.  I think you can give consequences, and that might work temporarily—maybe even for a while. Perhaps your child will learn to be more responsible or to use anxiety about the consequences to motivate themselves. You can’t change someone else, but consequences might help them get some homework done. You can’t “program” your child to care about their work, but you can create a work environment that promotes a good work ethic. Kids who regularly get their homework done and study do better throughout school and overall in life.

5. How structuring the environment can encourage studying

Again, you can’t make a child do anything that he doesn’t feel like doing, but you can structure his environment to create the greatest probability that the work will get done. When your child’s grades slip, or you find that he’s not getting his work in on time, you are automatically “invited in” to supervise and help him get on track. You can make sure that for certain periods of time, he will not be able to do anything other than schoolwork. The rule is during that time, no electronics are allowed—just homework and studying. By doing this, you are providing a structure to do what your child probably can’t do yet for himself. The hour and a half that you set aside should be a time when you will be around to enforce the rules that you have set. Give a fixed amount of time and once that time is up, your child is free to go elsewhere, homework done or not. Stay consistent with this plan, even if he fights you on it. This plan will accomplish the possibility that your child will get some homework done and maybe over time, create some better work habits. That’s all. This plan should be in place, whether or not he has homework. He can read, review or study if he doesn’t have any during that time. Let him know that these rules will change when his grades begin to reflect his potential and when you are not getting negative reports from teachers about missing homework. When he accomplishes this, tell him you will be happy to have him be fully in charge of his own homework.

6. Parents of Defiant kids

 Extremely defiant kids who don’t seem to care about consequences really try their parents. Some of these kids suffer from ADHD, ODD, learning disabilities, emotional issues and many other issues. Defiance has become a way for them to try and solve their problems. With defiant kids, parents need to be very cognizant of working to develop positive relationships, no matter how difficult. Above all, work to avoid getting pulled into a power struggle. Your child will need many more learning opportunities and more rewards and negative consequences—and more time to learn these lessons than less defiant child. And if nothing changes, and your child continues to be defiant, you must continue to work on your own patience and be thoughtful about your own bottom line. Most important, continue to love your child and keep showing up.

7. Your simple message to your child

Be clear, concise and direct. Your simple message to your kids, which does not require lectures or big sit down conversations is, “Your job is to take care of your responsibilities, which includes getting your homework done and helping out in the house. That’s my expectation for you. Once you’ve done that each day, you are welcome to do what you’d like.” Remember, as a parent your job is to essentially help your child do her job.

Related content: What to Do When Your Child or Teen is Suspended or Expelled from School “My Child Refuses to Do Homework” — How to Stop the Nightly Struggle Over School Work

About Debbie Pincus, MS LMHC

For more than 25 years, Debbie has offered compassionate and effective therapy and coaching, helping individuals, couples and parents to heal themselves and their relationships. Debbie is the creator of the Calm Parent AM & PM™ program and is also the author of numerous books for young people on interpersonal relations.

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Frustrated mom This is by far the very worst parenting advice I have ever heard. Can it be anymore vague and general? There’s literally nothing in this article that deals with actually doing homework! In fact it is more so a guide on things that most parents already know and should More be doing! The other part of this article is basically saying that you should allow your child to be their own authority. Do kids not need to learn to obey rules in today’s world? A lesson in life is that your children aren’t always going to be given a choice and when they are given a choice, it doesn’t mean they’re going to like any of the possible outcomes. Allowing them to think they have a choice in order to circumvent basic responsibilities is completely and utterly counter productive! I had to do homework when I was a kid whether I liked it or not! I knew this even as a small child. Children historically do not make the best decisions on their own. There’s a reason we have an age where it’s considered by society that you’re officially an adult. Until children reach that age, they don’t have a choice!

I am a special education preschool educator. Yes, I do send homework home for the following reasons:1. It starts good habits relating to reinforcing skills taught at school.

2. It allows me to educate and inform parents on what skills children need to be learning.

3. Some skills need more effort to be learned- such as name writing.

4. I want my kiddos to have a headstart and school is important! Homework is a way of getting kids ahead.

Hands down- my kiddos who learn skills at home- for example "economics homework" are more likely to master this skill when taught at school AND at home! It helps! Trust me! and all kiddos undergo assessments when entering kindergarten and often it is considered a predictor in success for the year!

georgeesmith Very methodical, can give a try to make it possible :)

lisakelper9 Sounds good but very hard to implement in reality. But still its a good attempt.

JackRusso1 I disagree with this as a whole. This person has no idea what children are really like. Children are stressed a lot, nagging them won't help. They don't want to talk about homework at home because then the parent asks irritating questions. It's not that they don't care, it's that More they need to do things on their own. When a parent is constantly on their backs the child gets stressed out. In my eyes, few parents understand this. Believe it or not...I'm 13 and I can do better then you. This isn't a helpful list of tips, it's a list of how to make the situation worse!

Oh my goodness!   This all sounds very charming but has no real application!  

Let me give you my scenario of raising a "Defiant" child:

Our homework structure is that she work at her well organized desk...quite charming in fact.  

She is expected to work 15 minutes per subject which is a grand total of an hour and 30 min.

No tech unless all work is complete and no matter what, no tech before 6:30 pm.

Down time for reading (which she loves) is after homework and her home chore is done.

we have a rewards currency.  We have a consequence system.  

Guess what?  It is not that simple.  She will waste her time "studying" so we require her to log notes on what she is reading so does not just sit and stare at her books for an hour and a half (which she will do).  We periodically check her log as she is working and help review info.  Again...quite charming.

She is failing most of her subjects because she does not bring ANY assigned work home.  None.  And then she lies about the work that we track down.  

She is not internally nor externally motivated. 

Sometimes a child is not emotionally mature enough to handle things like this and their brains are unable to really connect action and consequence.  Sometimes you need to let your child fail.  I hear from her teachers "I have no idea what to do with _________"  My response is....there is nothing YOU can do.  Only what ______ can do and she chooses not to.

A child who is unable to focus on learning is focusing on something else instead.  For my daughter it is the undying need for acceptance....peer acceptance.  So how to retrain the brain is tough.  Wish me luck because THERE IS NO ANSWER!  THERE IS NO FIX!

I often wonder about the value of homework. While I appreciate the article and noted some key takeaways here that will be very helpful to me, such as "Learn how to inspire, not control" and "Measure your success as a parent by how you behave"...I often find myself yelling at my seven year old angel because she just doesn't have an interest in learning..and then I spend the rest of the night disgusted with myself for being angry with her. She is the sweetest, most lovable little girl filled with street smarts. But she's behind in school, slow with reading, and fights me constantly with her homework.

I stepped up over the summer and had assignments all summer long so she could hopefully catch up. But little has changed. She continues to have no interest, which I interpret as lazy. She would much rather watch Netflix or play; something I try to balance. I wasn't a great student in school but I did love homework. I hated the "institution" and rebelled against control. But I've managed to make a good life for myself because I've been highly motivated, driven and disciplined. My concern is she doesn't seem to have those traits...yet. It might still be too soon. However, I struggle to push too hard (contrary to how it sounds) because I'm a big advocate of work-life balance.

She is busy all day with school and activities and the idea of having her do more when she gets home before she rests, plays or unwinds, seems like corporal punishment. Yes. And I'm not dramatic. But really? I get the importance of establishing a good work ethic. However,  I work all day. When I get home, I'm tired. I take a break before I tend to house chores. Nothing gets neglected but I pace myself. I also take home work but that's done later in the evening, after I've tended to my family AND had some down time. Don't kids deserve down time too?

I hate putting this pressure on my child, yet I know the pressure she feels being a slower reader, struggling with phonetics, etc. is as great if not worse. I can see her as a very successful person later on because she has very strong social skills and a kindness that far surpasses most of the other kids I've seen. But I struggle with finding that balance between pushing academics and just letting time prove itself. I am a big advocate of moderation and balance, yet I really struggle with applying that value in today's academic world which starts as young as kindergarten!

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Whether you study at school, college, or university, it’s more likely you have to do your homework after classes. Most teachers believe that out-of-class studies help kids get a deeper understanding of the subject, turn theoretical knowledge into practical skills, and improve academic achievement.

However, most children are overwhelmed with the number of homework projects they have to complete. Once school students get too much homework , they turn to their parents to ask for help with their studies: Whether they need to complete school assignments, college projects , or university coursework. Why? Not only do parents know the material better than their kids, but they also help to manage time wisely which means working on homework faster without sacrificing the quality.

But a logical question appears: Should parents help with homework ?

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The question is controversial: Although some researchers believe that parents should gradually reduce homework help as their children grow older, other people claim that parental involvement cultivates positive learning behaviors.

First, we’ll discuss what role a parent plays in the kids’ education. Next, let’s find out the pros and cons of helping youngsters with homework.

The Role of Parents in the Educational Process

It’s in parents’ nature to feel responsibility for their kids’ academic performance. More often than not, they want to take part in their children’s education , engage in learning, and help their kids prepare for learning and set priorities.

Researchers have found that parental involvement in learning has many benefits for children : When parents help their school students with studies, it helps to improve student performance, reduce absenteeism, get higher grades and test scores, and improve social skills.

For a variety of reasons, parental involvement has many benefits for family relationships if a parent avoids trying to control the process and completes homework assignments for kids. Thus, it’s important to find out the pros and cons of this involvement.

Let’s dive in.

The Pros and Cons of Parental Involvement in Homework Preparation

• Help to understand the material better: Most students seek out homework assistance at school if they lack knowledge or don’t understand the task and/or the material even if they study well at school. In most cases, it’s difficult for children to understand the principles of calculus so they ask parents for help. Since parents have more experience and knowledge, they can find alternative ways to explain the subject to their kids.
• Improve parent-child relationships: When parents and kids spend time together on doing kids’ homework, it helps them turn quantity time into quality time which means they can improve parent-child relationships.
• Stay organized and beat procrastination: Most parents are more focused and organized and they know how to set priorities, so their assistance helps children manage their time and work on assignments faster. Plus, being organized helps students spend time with friends or enjoy their hobbies.
• Cultivate positive learning behaviors: When parents help their kids and gradually reduce homework help when their children get older, it helps school students follow an example their parents give and stick to positive learning behaviors. Plus, children stop bothering about the homework ban .
• Motivate children for education: It’s no secret that parents have their tips and tricks on motivating kids for education that work well for their offspring. Some parents promise their kids to allow them to spend time with friends while other moms and dads give expensive gifts. No matter what motivates your kid , if your child is interested in the learning process, it’s more likely he or she will keep on studying even if you stop motivating them.
• Add stress by parental expectations: If children ask a highly educated parent for homework assistance after school, it’s no wonder that these moms and dads have high expectations to children even if they have to deal with biostatistics homework . Thus, they expect their kids to complete assignments faster without losing the quality. But if kids can’t meet their parents expectations, it leads to additional stress, anxiety, and headaches.
• Lead to misunderstanding between a parent and a kid: Although involved parents are aimed at helping their kids improve academic performance, adults and kids may have different attitudes toward the learning process. For example, some parents may believe that children should study and complete their philosophy assignments after classes while their kids need to relax after in-class activities so they want to do their homework later in the evening. All in all, it can lead to misunderstanding between them and family.
• Discourage independent learning and self-management: When parents put much effort into helping children with homework assignments and they control the process from A to Z, it discourage children to stay responsible for their homework routine. Why? They know that parents will remind them about the workload and help them complete their tasks on a good level. All in all, it discourages independent learning and self-management.
• Result in lower test scores: It’s no wonder that most parents want to raise their kids smart and successful, so it can lead to the temptation to complete assignments for their kids when it comes to helping children with homework. As a result, children get high grades for out-of-class activities, but they can’t set priorities and implement these skills during tests.

The Bottom Line

If you still wonder whether should parents help with homework or not, you’d better pay attention to your child’s individual learning needs and his or her academic performance.

Plus, it’s a good idea to consult teachers and other school staff on how to make the most out of your homework engagement so that your children can improve academic performance, achieve better results, and obtain in-depth knowledge.

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Age Parents Should Stop Helping With Homework: Pros and Cons 

• by Joseph Kenas
• February 6, 2024

As much as students need to do their homework, sometimes parents must offer substantial help. Parents need to guide their children to handle their assignments in the best way possible.

Even though help to children is beneficial, some parents tend to go overboard. They deny children the ability to be independent and do their assignments on their own. 

Anxiety and fear of failure are some of the greatest contributors to parents helping their children with homework. Though it is obvious that parents want their children to pass their exams, some go to the extent of doing homework on behalf of their young ones.

Nonetheless, such an approach can negatively impact the academic journey of children. Students will develop the tendency to depend more on their parents.

At What Age Parents Should Stop Helping With Homework

There is a limit to how parents oversee their students’ academic journey. At a certain age, a parent must stop helping their child with homework.

You must foster a culture of independence in your kid. At the age of 12 years, children will be ready to do their homework by themselves . 

When the child is of age to do his or her assignment alone, you should not quit helping where necessary.

That is why monitoring your child’s homework is important. But as you do so, you need to instill in your child the needed study habit and skills of hard work.

And that means you do not have to do their assignments. Yours should be to offer insight so that the child stays on the right track.

Reasons Why Parents Need to Monitor Children’s Homework

1. improve children’s social skills.

Monitoring your child’s homework gives you the chance to interact with them. As you do so, their social skills are bound to become better. Your child will know how to interact with other students while at school. Through interactions, your child can take advantage of teamwork or group discussions to perform well in their studies. 

2. Give Guidelines

Students need to know the guidelines that encompass answering questions. Such guidelines can either come from tutors, teachers, or parents.

As a parent, you must monitor your children’s homework to ensure they are following the right guidelines. Where they need help, be willing to offer the necessary assistance but do not overdo it. 

3. Know their Strength and Weaknesses

Understanding the strength and weaknesses of your child enables you to engage their teacher on where the problem is. That is why you need to monitor their homework. You can easily tell where your child is struggling.

Once you identify their weaknesses, share them with their teacher or tutor. The teacher should take the necessary mitigation measures to enhance the performance of your child in the subject they are struggling in.

Reasons Why Parents Should Help Kids With Homework

1. enhance self-confidence.

Students who perform poorly in their academics can experience low self-confidence. Obviously, this will have a negative impact on their self-esteem.

As a parent to such a student, you need to be willing to offer the necessary help.

You can start by helping your kid with homework. Get to know which subjects they are struggling in, and help them answer assignment questions. 

2. Improve Creativity

Right from home, parents must help students in their academic journey. By helping them unravel some tough assignment questions, students become more creative and are motivated to do homework .

They learn the various ways to solve various quizzes. In this way, they can become critical thinkers. At school, the teacher will be able to nurture and accelerate their creativity and critical thinking. Therefore, parents have no otherwise but to be at the forefront in helping kids with homework.

3. Become Good Organizers

Kids tend to be very careless while doing their assignments. They are prone to falling prey to distractors which rob them of the concentration to do neat work.

And that is why parents need to take the initiative of helping their children with their homework. You can instill in them the culture of being good organizers. It is possible through enlightening them on how best to organize their homework and the benefits of submitting neat work.

4. Time to Bond With Your Child

As you help your kid with homework, you also get time to bond with them. You get to know more about your child and how best you can assist him or her academically.

It is crucial since you also improve their social skills. By giving examples, your child gets to know how to solve somehow hard questions. And that will boost their academic performance.

 Dos And Don’ts Of Helping Kids With Homework

There are some factors to consider as you take the initiative to help your kid with homework. They are rules that guide how best to help your kid. Besides, there are some things you should not do.

1. Work Closely with Educators

You get to know how best you can assist your child with their assignment.

It prevents over parenting and the over-reliance of students on parents to do their homework.

2. Reviews your Child’s Assignment

You can identify some of the mistakes your child is making. You can then help them correct in advance.

3. Be your Child’s Greatest Fan

Give your child the support necessary to help him work on their assignments. Provide the reading materials that offer knowledge and answers to the questions in their assignments.

Don’ts

1. do not allow frustration to take the better side of you.

Even if your child provides a wrong answer, do not show them your frustration. Instead, work towards helping them to realize their mistake to correct it.

2. Do not be Too Hard on Your Children

Remember, your children need time to relax after school. Do not just force them into doing their homework right away.

3. Do not Do the Assignment on their Behalf

Your kid needs to learn to be independent. Even when they can’t do homework ,as you help them with their assignment, ensure they can answer the questions by themselves.

Parents need to help their children with homework. However, there is always a catch. There is a specific age when children need to start doing their assignments on their own. When the age is right, you only have to play the role of an overseer. Provide guidance, but do not play the role of a teacher.

Joseph is a freelance journalist and a part-time writer with a particular interest in the gig economy. He writes about schooling, college life, and changing trends in education. When not writing, Joseph is hiking or playing chess.

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The Value of Parents Helping with Homework

Dr. selena kiser.

• September 2, 2020

The importance of parents helping with homework is invaluable. Helping with homework is an important responsibility as a parent and directly supports the learning process. Parents’ experience and expertise is priceless. One of the best predictors of success in school is learning at home and being involved in children’s education. Parental involvement with homework helps develop self-confidence and motivation in the classroom. Parents helping students with homework has a multitude of benefits including spending individual time with children, enlightening strengths and weaknesses, making learning more meaningful, and having higher aspirations.

How Parental Involvement with Homework Impacts Students

Parental involvement with homework impacts students in a positive way. One of the most important reasons for parental involvement is that it helps alleviate stress and anxiety if the students are facing challenges with specific skills or topics. Parents have experience and expertise with a variety of subject matter and life experiences to help increase relevance. Parents help their children understand content and make it more meaningful, while also helping them understand things more clearly.

Also, their involvement increases skill and subject retention. Parents get into more depth about content and allow students to take skills to a greater level. Many children will always remember the times spent together working on homework or classroom projects. Parental involvement with homework and engagement in their child’s education are related to higher academic performance, better social skills and behavior, and increased self-confidence.

Parents helping with homework allows more time to expand upon subjects or skills since learning can be accelerated in the classroom. This is especially true in today’s classrooms. The curricula in many classrooms is enhanced and requires teaching a lot of content in a small amount of time. Homework is when parents and children can spend extra time on skills and subject matter. Parents provide relatable reasons for learning skills, and children retain information in greater depth.

Parental involvement increases creativity and induces critical-thinking skills in children. This creates a positive learning environment at home and transfers into the classroom setting. Parents have perspective on their children, and this allows them to support their weaknesses while expanding upon their strengths. The time together enlightens parents as to exactly what their child’s strengths and weaknesses are.

Virtual learning is now utilized nationwide, and parents are directly involved with their child’s schoolwork and homework. Their involvement is more vital now than ever. Fostering a positive homework environment is critical in virtual learning and assists children with technological and academic material.

Strategies for Including Parents in Homework

An essential strategy for including parents in homework is sharing a responsibility to help children meet educational goals. Parents’ commitment to prioritizing their child’s educational goals, and participating in homework supports a larger objective. Teachers and parents are specific about the goals and work directly with the child with classwork and homework. Teachers and parents collaboratively working together on children’s goals have larger and more long-lasting success. This also allows parents to be strategic with homework assistance.

A few other great examples of how to involve parents in homework are conducting experiments, assignments, or project-based learning activities that parents play an active role in. Interviewing parents is a fantastic way to be directly involved in homework and allows the project to be enjoyable. Parents are honored to be interviewed, and these activities create a bond between parents and children. Students will remember these assignments for the rest of their lives.

Project-based learning activities examples are family tree projects, leaf collections, research papers, and a myriad of other hands-on learning assignments. Children love working with their parents on these assignments as they are enjoyable and fun. This type of learning and engagement also fosters other interests. Conducting research is another way parents directly impact their child’s homework. This can be a subject the child is interested in or something they are unfamiliar with. Children and parents look forward to these types of homework activities.

Parents helping students with homework has a multitude of benefits. Parental involvement and engagement have lifelong benefits and creates a pathway for success. Parents provide autonomy and support, while modeling successful homework study habits.

• #homework , #ParentalInvolvement

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How Much Should I Help My Child With Their Homework?

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• Pre-K and Kindergarten
• School-Aged Children
• Middle and High School

What If My Child Never Asks for Help?

• What to Do If You Have Concerns

It's fairly normal for homework to be a task dreaded by most kids. But when you become a parent, you might find that you dread homework just as much as your children do! Simply getting kids to sit down and work can be a struggle, and fitting homework into a family’s busy schedule can also be challenging. Not only that, but it can be really hard to watch a child wrestle with the material.

As such, most parents want to intervene in some way. Yet many end up feeling confused about their role when it comes to homework. How much should you push a child who is having trouble applying themselves to the task? How much help should you offer? And what if your child doesn’t seem to need your help with homework at all?

Here, we’ll connect with experts regarding the best approach to helping your child with their homework, broken down by age.

How Much Homework Help Should My Pre-K Child or Kindergartener Need?

Above all else, the work of a pre-K or kindergarten-aged kid should be to engage in play, says Bibi Pirayesh, Ed.D., founder and educational therapist at OneOfOneKids.org . “It's also important to do activities that support motor functions, sound-letter correspondence, and informal math,” she says. “But what parents should really encourage is children’s natural sense of wonder and wanting to initiate challenge and learning, not perfection.”

Still, sometimes children this age are assigned homework, though most of the time the workload is light, and children are given leeway in terms of what they are expected to accomplish. When it comes to learning outside of school at these ages, Katelyn Rigg, M.Ed., a literacy and reading specialist, says that your job as a parent is to be a “coach” for your child, working to reinforce the concepts they're already studying at school.

“For example, if the students are learning the letter B, parents can take the opportunity to talk about the letter, go on a scavenger hunt for things around the house that start with the 'B' sound, and practice letter formation using kinesthetic experiences like playdough,” Rigg suggests.

Above all else, don’t push your young child when it comes to homework. “The most important goal of this stage should be to associate school and learning with positive emotions,” Dr. Pirayesh says. The aim is to encourage children to branch out, try things on their own, and support their efforts.

How Much Homework Help Should My School-Aged Child Need?

Homework becomes more of a “thing” as your child gets a little older, though it tends to be light in early elementary school, increasing in amount as the years pass. Typically by third grade , kids receive up to three assignments per week, and homework can take up to 20 minutes. Fourth and fifth graders may get daily homework, lasting about 30 minutes or sometimes more.

In elementary school, homework focuses on concepts children are studying in class, and its purpose is to practice and reinforce what’s already been learned, says Brianna Leonhard, certified teacher, board certified behavior analyst (BCBA), and founder of Third Row Adventures . As such, children should be able to do the vast majority of their homework on their own, without much help.

Still, many children want or need a bit of help with their homework in elementary school, and that’s perfectly normal, says Rigg. She suggests trying an “I do / We do / You do” model for doing homework together with your child.

“A parent may do the first question, then they complete the second question with their child, and finally, the child completes the final question on their own,” Rigg describes. This idea can be adapted to whatever homework or academic skills your child is working on. “It allows parents to be involved and supportive of their child's education, but also leads children to develop independence.”

How Much Homework Help Should My Tween or Teen Need?

Homework will become more of an independent task for your child as they age. However, they may need some hand-holding as they make the transition from elementary school to middle school, where they are suddenly getting homework from multiple teachers instead of just one.

During the tween and early teen years, kids are still developing their executive functioning skills—tools that help them plan and execute tasks, says Dr. Pirayesh. You can support them by implementing "scaffolding," which involves helping them break up tasks into smaller, more manageable chunks, and setting up clear daily goals.

Homework during high school should still be mostly about practicing skills already taught and is not meant to teach new material, says Leonhard. So if a parent is having to spend time teaching their tween or teen the material covered on the homework, they should reach out to the child’s teacher in the event they're having trouble grasping what's being studied in class.

That said, homework in high school can be challenging, and your child might be struggling because of the increasing difficulty in topics. If your child can mostly complete the task at hand, but needs a little additional help from you from time to time, that’s typically not a problem, she adds.

Students with learning disabilities such as ADHD may need more parental assistance with homework, says Riggs. That’s also typical and okay. “Teachers may not be able to find the time to provide this added support for students, so parents may have to provide it at home,” she explains. “Parents can also support teenagers who may need assistance with studying and organizational skills, while helping find strategies that work for their children to prepare them for adulthood.”

Some kids never seem to need help with homework, and that can be just as confusing for parents as kids who need endless help. If your child is getting by without help, there’s no need to intervene.

“As long as a parent knows that the child is completing the required homework, meeting the grade-level expectations, and understanding the content, then this is perfectly fine,” Riggs says. “Parents should make sure they are asking their independent children about what they're learning, what their homework is, and offering help if they need it.”

What to Do If You Have Concerns About Your Child’s Homework

When your child is struggling with homework or seems to need a greater than average amount of assistance, you might be wondering what you should do. First of all, you shouldn’t assume that incredibly challenging homework is something that is typical, says Dr. Pirayesh.

“I think many parents assume that homework being a nightmare is normal,” she explains. "But it can be a sign that something deeper is going on.” Your child could potentially have a learning disability, she says, or they just may need more effective daily routines around completing assignments.

Whatever the case, don’t blame your child for the difficulty—your best bet is to connect with your child’s teacher sooner than later, Dr. Pirayesh offers. Talk to the school about what is going on during homework time, and discuss what options might be available to make it more manageable for your child.

Riggs agrees that building an effective partnership with your child’s teacher is imperative. “As a teacher, I am so grateful when a parent asks about their child's learning and wants to be an active participant in helping their child be successful,” she says.

Of course, if you have concerns about your child's learning, it's also a good idea to speak with their pediatrician or healthcare provider.

A Word From Verywell

There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to how involved a parent should be during homework time. The goal is for your child to become more independent as they get older. For the most part, it makes sense to go with your instincts in terms of how much to assist or when to pull back. At the same time, homework should not be a nightly struggle, and if that's the case for your family, you shouldn’t hesitate to reach out to your child’s teacher for help.

National Education Association. The Power of Play in Kindergarten .

Learning Disabilities Association of America. How Much Time Should Be Spent on Homework?

Harvard University Center on the Developing Child. Executive Function & Self-Regulation .

National Institute of Child Health and Human Development. What are some signs of learning disabilities?

By Wendy Wisner Wendy Wisner is a lactation consultant and writer covering maternal/child health, parenting, general health and wellness, and mental health. She has worked with breastfeeding parents for over a decade, and is a mom to two boys.

Parents and Homework: Should Parents Help with Homework?

Homework—like yellow buses and lockers—is a hallmark of the American school system. On average, teachers assign third graders 30 minutes and seventh graders 70 minutes of homework every night . Parents who help their kids with their school assignments may save them some time and ensure they’re doing the work. But do moms and dads help or hinder their child’s progress at school if they offer too much help?

Parents—Put Those Pens Down!

Most parents want to do all they can to prime their kids for future success. Researchers from University of Texas at Austin and Duke University, however, discovered that once children start middle school, parental help with homework might lower test scores . The reason: parents might have forgotten about the topics their kids learn in school—or never really understood them in the first place.

“Parents tend to take the reins of how they’re going to help with homework without consulting the child,” says Keith Robinson , assistant professor of sociology at the University of Texas and one of the researchers of the study. “So maybe parents could ask kids, ‘Is what I’m doing helping you?'”

On the other hand, some educators believe that children should complete their homework themselves. They say this will give children more independence , reduce homework-related arguments, and provide parents with more free time.

When Parental Help with Homework Is Helpful

There are still benefits for kids whose parents provide homework help. “It can, for example, provide opportunities for parents to see what their children are learning in school and help families communicate with their children and school staff,” according to The Department of Education . Parents can also set a regular time and place for assignments, limit distractions, take an interest in what their child is learning, and provide resources and supplies.

Other research suggests that kids spend more time on their homework when they receive help from their parents , particularly when it comes to math and social studies. Moreover, children consistently complete their homework when their parents are involved in their education.

How Much Help Is Too Much?

How parents help their children with homework is important. “Don’t complete your child’s assignments for them; ask them to think critically about how they can solve their problems,” says Project Appleseed , an organization that promotes public school improvement. “Feel free to re-explain concepts that they might have learned recently in school, but also encourage your children to look up information in their textbooks or solve a problem themselves.”

So, how involved should parents get? Should parents tell their kids the answer to a problem? Or let them work it out themselves? “Too much help can mean, in the short term, that the day’s lesson is not reinforced, which is the point of homework,” says Laureen Miles Brunelli , writing for The Spruce . “In the long term, if parents are overseeing homework too much, kids won’t learn the organizational skills they need. They can become disconnected from understanding their responsibilities when it comes to homework.” Still, a British study found that one in four parents actually do all of their child’s homework for them, believing that they simply have too much homework to handle.

Calling all parents! Do you help your child with their homework? Do you think parental help with homework influences test scores? Leave a comment below and share your views!

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Mommy Minute: Tips for helping kids with homework

Homework can be stressful not only for kids but for parents as well.

To start off on a positive note, parents should check in with their child after school before getting out the nightly assignments.

“Kids are tired at the end of the day, so you want to make sure your child’s basic needs are met before beginning their homework. Are they hungry, thirsty or do they simply need a brain break,” explained Emily Mudd, PhD, a child psychologist at Cleveland Clinic Children’s. “Then, determine the best time of day for your child to do their homework, and keep in mind it may be different for each of your children.” 

Dr. Mudd said kids thrive when they have a set structure and routine, so it’s important to encourage them to start their homework at the same time every day.

It’s also helpful to have a dedicated space where your child can work and be productive.

Dr. Mudd said it’s best for kids to set aside cell phones and other devices when working on assignments.

Parents can use screen time as a reward after everything is completed for the night.

When it comes to intervening with your child’s homework, Dr. Mudd said parents can help with different assignments but should refrain from doing all the work.

“You really want your child to develop confidence and autonomy in being able to do their own work. Parents should wait until their child reaches out to them to say they need help with a certain problem,” Dr. Mudd said. “You want to create that relationship where your kids know you’re available during their homework time to help them when they need it.” 

Although helping your kids with homework can be stressful, it’s important for parents to demonstrate positive coping skills as a model for their children.

Dr. Mudd said parents can openly express that they need to take a break when they’re overwhelmed, engage in a relaxation activity with their child and then return to the assignment.

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