how to motivate your kid to do homework

Ten Homework Motivation Strategies for Children and Teens

Use these 10 strategies to end the homework wars..

Posted September 6, 2015 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

When it comes to homework, parents get burnt out hearing these hollow and suspicious words: "I did it at school," "They didn't give homework today," "It hardly counts for my grade," "My teacher never looks at my homework anyway," "That assignment was optional." As parents, hearing these words is enough to drive you crazy.

As I write in my book, 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child , parents must not let their emotions get the best of them when their kids are not getting homework done. The strategies below are for helping your child or teen get unstuck:

• Nix the nagging! Pestering creates an adversarial, shaming dynamic that backfires. Instead, try my Calm, Firm, and Non-Controlling approach. Gently empower your child or teen by supportively saying, "I see that you are frustrated. Let's think of ways to help you get back on track with your homework/schoolwork."
• Encourage effort over perfection. Be mindful that kids tend to get intimidated when they have a hard time understanding material. They may get into negative self-talk like, "I can't do this." Even if they're truly thinking this way, parents may instead hear comments like, "I hate this." or "This is stupid." Remind your child or teen that doing his best effort is better than not doing it at all.
• Prioritize. Coach and encourage that the order that homework is done based on urgency, complexity, and workload. At the same time, realize that some students do better by starting with easier tasks and that this can help spark them to tackle more demanding assignments.
• Break it down. Reinforce breaking up homework time into manageable chunks and encourage taking regular breaks. Encourage moving around and walking away for a bit. Remind that an apple really does provide the same effect, and is healthier than an energy drink.
• Think "15 minutes of pain." Have the student set a timer for only 15 minutes. Keep it lighthearted and explain that even if it "hurts" doing the work, she can stop after 15 minutes. Like most things in life, once we push ourselves and get going, it's not so bad.
• Don't be consequence ravenous. Imposing consequences for homework not being done can backfire with defiant behavior. If you use consequences, don't present them with yelling. Keep them reasonable and ask the student to help you be able to move towards rewards (don't go overboard) and minimize consequences. Remember that real, natural consequences are the best motivators.
• Encourage connection. Encourage the student to make or re-establish a connection with his teacher. I have seen hundreds of kids "shoot themselves in the foot" with incomplete homework if they don't have a decent relationship with their teacher.
• Change up the homework/study surroundings. Try putting an inspirational poster by the desk, moving to a different room, or silencing the cell phone. New changes can create more changes.
• Use those study halls. Encourage the use of them as much as possible. Some kids lose sight of that more done at school, means less to do at home.
• Allow for some fun. Notice if your student is racing through the homework just to have fun. Fun time like, TV, phone time, or surfing the web, is welcome, but make sure you put limits on it.

Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D. , is a psychologist and the author of seven books, including 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child.

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How to help your child get motivated in school.

Strategies you can use to help kids work up to their potential

Writer: Danielle Cohen

Clinical Experts: Laura Phillips, PsyD, ABPdN , Ken Schuster, PsyD , Kristin Carothers, PhD

What You'll Learn

• Why do some kids have trouble getting motivated in school?
• How can parents help their children try harder in school?

It’s common for kids to lack motivation in school. Sometimes, this happens because the child has ADHD, anxiety, social challenges, or a learning disability. But other times, kids without a diagnosable problem still have trouble living up to their potential in school. Here are a few ways that parents can encourage kids to put in more effort at school.

Start by showing kids that you care about their schoolwork. Check in with them about how classes are going. Let them know that you’re there if they need homework help. Ask what they’re learning and what they like (and don’t like) about the assignments. With older kids, be sure to give them space, too. If they sense that you’re pressuring them, they might end up feeling resentful and less motivated.

Using positive reinforcement helps. You don’t need to give kids big rewards, but even small ones like a high five or a few extra minutes of screen time can make a difference. It’s also important to praise effort, not results. For example, praise your child for finishing a tough assignment or taking a class that might be hard. Nobody gets top grades all the time, so make sure your child knows you don’t expect perfection.

You can also bring in reinforcements if schoolwork is becoming a source of conflict for you and your child. You could hire an older student at your child’s school or a nearby college to help monitor homework and ease stress on the family. Talking to your child’s teacher can also give you insight into their behavior and help you work as a team to encourage them.

Finally, be sure to keep tabs on your own feelings. If you’re getting very frustrated or angry about your child’s school performance, a therapist or support group can help.

If you have a child who is struggling in school and doesn’t seem to be motivated to make an effort, the first thing you want to do is explore whether there is some obstacle getting in his way. Learning issues , social challenges, attention or emotional problems can all cause kids to disengage academically.

But not all kids who are underperforming in school—clearly not living up to their potential—have a diagnosable problem . And there are a number of things parents can do to help motivate kids to try harder.

Get involved

As a parent, your presence in the academic life of your child is crucial to their commitment to work. Do homework with them, and let them know that you’re available to answer questions. Get in the habit of asking them about what they learned in school, and generally engage them academically. By demonstrating your interest in your child’s school life, you’re showing them school can be exciting and interesting. This is especially effective with young kids who tend to be excited about whatever you’re excited about. Teenagers can bristle if they feel you are asking too many questions, so make sure you are sharing the details of your day, too. A conversation is always better than an interrogation.

Likewise, it’s important to stay involved but give older kids a little more space. If you’re on top of your kid all the time about homework, they may develop resistance and be less motivated to work—not to mention the strain it will put on your relationship.

Use reinforcement

Many parents are nervous about rewarding kids for good work , and it’s true that tangible rewards can turn into a slippery slope. But there are ways to use extrinsic motivation that will eventually be internalized by your kid. “Kids respond really well to social reinforcers like praises, hugs, high fives, and those kinds of things,” says Laura Phillips , PsyD, a neuropsychologist at the Child Mind Institute. “Then they start to achieve because it feels good for them.”

Ken Schuster , PsyD, a neuropsychologist at the Child Mind Institute, encourages parents to use rewarding activities that would have probably occurred either way but placing them after a set amount of time doing homework. He suggests treats that are easy to provide but that your child will enjoy, such as going for ice cream or sharing a candy bar. He also recommends breaking work up into chunks and using small breaks as rewards for getting through each chunk.

Reward effort rather than outcome

The message you want to send is that your respect hard work. Praising kids for following through when things get difficult, for making a sustained effort, and for trying things they’re not sure they can do successfully can all help teach them the pleasure of pushing themselves. Praise for good grades that come easily can make kids feel they shouldn’t have to exert themselves.

Help them see the big picture

For older kids who have developed an understanding of delayed gratification, sometimes simple reminders of their long-term goals can help push them. It can help many high school seniors who slack off after getting into college to remind them that they could lose their acceptance if their grades drop too much, or they might not be prepared for college courses. “Linking school up with their long-term goals can make the work feel more personally fulfilling,” explains Dr. Phillips.

Let them make mistakes

No one can get A’s on every test or perfect score on every assignment. While kids need encouragement, and it’s healthy to push them to try their best, know that setbacks are natural . Sometimes the only way kids learn how to properly prepare for school is by finding out what happens when they’re unprepared.

Get outside help

One way to take a little tension away from your relationship with your child is to find an older student (either at their school or a nearby college) to help them out with work. Most will charge pretty low rates, and the fact that they’re closer to your kid’s age may make it more likely they’ll listen to what they say.

“Homework was a source of conflict for us,” says Elizabeth, whose son Alex has ADHD . Elizabeth hired a few Barnard students to help Alex do his homework on certain nights, she recalls. “He behaved a lot better with them, and it was money well spent for me because I wasn’t fighting, and I wasn’t stressed out.”

Make the teacher your ally

Another one of the most important things you can do for your child is to work with their teacher. The teacher might have additional insight about how to motivate your child or what they might be struggling with. Likewise, you can share any strategies or information that you have.

When her son was in lower school and only had one teacher, Elizabeth would call his teacher before the first day, introducing herself and alerting the teacher that her son had ADHD and that he found it hard to focus. She would give the teacher little tips that she had found were useful with Alex: Writing multi-step directions on the board, tapping him on the shoulder while walking past to make sure he was paying attention and other small tweaks that would be useful to any young child but are especially essential to one with ADHD.

“Make sure that both school and home are of one accord,” stresses Kristin Carothers, PhD, a clinical psychologist. Dr. Carothers often sets up a system she calls the daily report card. With this system, the child gets points from their teacher for things like completing work and following directions the first time they get them. Then they bring those points home, where their parents give them small rewards, such as extra time on the iPad or playing a game together.

Get support for yourself

It can be just as frustrating to watch your child withdraw from school as it can be difficult for the kid themself to focus. Elizabeth says that she often feels judged as a parent for having a son who struggles so much in school.

Some schools have support groups for parents of kids who are less motivated, and if your child’s school doesn’t, Elizabeth encourages setting one up. “It’s very comforting to hear that you’re not alone,” she says. “It’s also helpful to hear people who have gone ahead of you talk about how to navigate the school’s system, find a therapist, and talk to teachers.”

“If you’re feeling yourself getting really angry or frustrated with your kids, take a step back,” Dr. Carothers recommends. “Put things into context.”

It’s also important to keep your goals in perspective: Your child may not become a star student. Make sure to focus on the effort they put in and the commitment they show instead of the outcome. If you expect perfect achievement from a child who struggles in school, you’ll drive yourself crazy.

“I’m not trying to get my child to be someone he’s not,” Elizabeth says about her efforts to help her son. “I just want him to reach his potential.”

Frequently Asked Questions

You can motivate your child to do homework by letting them know you’re available to answer any questions they might have and that you see how hard they’re working. You can also reward them with small treats, like going out for ice cream, after they finish a certain amount of homework.

To motivate a child to do well in school, use positive reinforcement such as hugs and high fives, reward their effort rather than specific outcomes, and help them make the connection between current effort and achieving long-term goals such as getting into college.

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Home / Expert Articles / Child Behavior Problems / Laziness & Motivation

Motivating the Unmotivated Child

By james lehman, msw.

Over the years, many parents have asked me why their kids aren’t motivated and what they can do about it. How can you get your child to be more motivated? To do better in school? To even go to school?

The important thing to remember is this: your child is motivated. They’re just motivated to resist you and others when they do not want to do something. The key is to learn how to turn their negative motivation into a positive one.

Lack of Motivation is a Form of Resistance

When kids won’t get out of bed, won’t do their homework or school assignments, or won’t get involved in activities, it’s important for parents to realize that there is motivation in the child. But the motivation is to resist . The motivation is to do things their way, not yours. The motivation is to retain power.

When kids feel powerless, they try to feel powerful by withholding. A child or teenager who feels very powerless will stay in bed, not go to school, avoid homework, sit on the couch, and withhold overall involvement because it gives her a sense of being in control.

To the parent, the behavior looks completely out of control. But the child sees it as the only way to have control over what’s going on around him.

You’ll see it when you ask your child a question and he doesn’t answer, but you know he heard you. What’s that all about? That’s a child withholding an answer to feel powerful. When he says, “I don’t have to answer you if I don’t want to,” you see it as a lack of motivation. He sees it as a way to win control over you.

All Kids are Motivated by Something

I want to be clear about this point: everyone is motivated. The question is, motivated to do what? If a child looks like he’s not motivated, you have to look at what he’s accomplishing and assume that this is what he’s motivated to do.

So part of the solution is getting him to be motivated to do something else. To assume that the child is unmotivated is an ineffective way of looking at it. He is motivated. He’s simply motivated to do nothing. In this case, doing nothing means resisting and holding back to exercise control over you.

Kids Resist Because They Lack Problem-Solving Skills

The child who uses resistance as a form of control lacks both social skills and problem-solving skills.

They don’t have the social skills to know how to talk to other people, how to be friendly, and how to feel comfortable with themselves. Also, they don’t have the problem-solving skills to figure out what people want from them, how to deal with other people’s behavior, and how to meet expectations and demands.

These are basic skills we all have to learn in order to be successful as adults.

If continually resisting is how a child tries to solve problems, then parents will have a hard time until they teach the child how to solve problems appropriately.

The first step in teaching kids problem-solving skills is to understand that these kids are not helpless victims. Instead, they’re simply trying to solve problems in an ineffective manner.

Don’t Argue or Fight With Your Child About Motivation

Very often these kids are motivated by the power struggle. They find different ways to have that struggle with their parents. The job of the parents, therefore, is to find other ways for the child to solve the problem that’s causing the power struggle.

But if parents don’t have those other ways then the power struggle continues with no end in sight.

If you’re fighting day after day with a kid who won’t get out of bed, you’re never going to solve that problem. Because even if he gets out of bed then he won’t brush his teeth. And even if he brushes his teeth then he won’t comb his hair. Or he won’t wear clean clothes, or he won’t do his homework.

Understand that when you yell at your child for lack of motivation, you’re giving their resisting behavior power. So don’t yell. Don’t argue. Don’t give their resisting behavior power.

I understand that parents get frustrated—that’s normal. And sometimes you will lose your calm, even when you know better.

The point I want to make here is that yelling and fighting won’t solve the problem. If you’re yelling and fighting over these issues, you’re giving him more power in the struggle, and you don’t want to do that. Here’s what to do instead.

Be Clear, Calm, and Give Consequences for Your Child’s Behavior

Make the situation clear for the child. Use “I” words. Say the following:

“I want you to get up out of bed and get ready for school.”

“I want you to do your homework now.”

Then leave the bedroom. If the kid doesn’t do it, then there should be consequences. There should be accountability.

If your child says, “I don’t care about the consequences,” ignore her. She will tell you she doesn’t care just as a way to feel in control. Or, she may not care now, but as consequences get applied consistently, she will eventually see compliance as a better alternative to consequences.

Therefore, give consequences. And don’t worry if the kid doesn’t like it. You are not your child’s friend, you’re their parent.

Related content: Unmotivated Child? 6 Ways to Get Your Child Going

By the way, if your child doesn’t get out of bed, he shouldn’t be doing anything else. He shouldn’t get to play video games. He shouldn’t spend four hours in front of the TV. If he’s too sick to go to school, he shouldn’t be going out of the house. These rules should be set and enforced consistently.

Give Effective Consequences

Understanding what is and what is not an effective consequence is critical. The right consequences actually motivate your child to good behavior. They put you back in control and teach your child how to problem-solve, giving your child the skills needed to be a successful adult.

Know that effective consequences are not punishments. Indeed, I say all the time that you can’t punish your child into behaving better.

All parents should read my article on how to give kids consequences that work . And take a look at my sample video from The Complete Guide to Consequences .

Let Your Child Experience Natural Consequences

I would always tell parents in my office that you have to have the courage to let her experience the consequences of her behavior. It takes a lot of courage for a parent to step back and say:

“Okay, you’re not going to do your homework, and you’re going to get the grades that reflect that.”

But in these cases, it can help to let the child experience the natural consequences of resistance. You don’t let the kid watch TV. You say:

“Homework time is from six to eight. And if you don’t want to do your homework during that time, that’s fine. But you can’t go on the computer, you can’t play games, and you can’t watch TV. If you choose not to do your homework, that’s your choice. And if you fail, that’s your choice too.”

Remember, natural consequences are an important part of life. That’s why we have speeding tickets. A speeding ticket is a natural consequence. If you go too fast, the policeman stops you and gives you a ticket. He doesn’t follow you home to make sure you don’t speed anymore. He lets you go. It’s your job to stop and take responsibility. If you don’t, you’re going to get another ticket fifteen minutes later.

Natural consequences help people take responsibility, and they can be used to help kids take responsibility for things like going to school, participating in class, and doing homework.

Don’t Forget to Use Rewards

Along with the plan to let her experience the natural consequences of her decisions, build in rewards for success if she does make the right decision.

For example, if my son failed a test, there was no punishment. But if he passed, there was a reward. It was very simple. We rewarded A’s and B’s. We didn’t take anything away for C, we just didn’t reward it.

So my son eventually strived to have A’s all the time. So with kids who resist, it’s important to have a rewards system as well as a consequence system.

Be Patient and Persistent

Calmly and consistently using effective consequences is your fastest and best way to get your child motivated. Just be patient and persistent as consequences do their job and your child begins to learn better problem-solving skills. And know that the vast majority of kids come around and get motivated once they are held accountable in a meaningful way.

Related content: Motivating Underachievers: 9 Steps to Take When Your Child Says “I Don’t Care”

Empowering Parents Podcast: Apple, Spotify

About James Lehman, MSW

James Lehman, who dedicated his life to behaviorally troubled youth, created The Total Transformation® , The Complete Guide to Consequences™ , Getting Through To Your Child™ , and Two Parents One Plan™ , from a place of professional and personal experience. Having had severe behavioral problems himself as a child, he was inspired to focus on behavioral management professionally. Together with his wife, Janet Lehman, he developed an approach to managing children and teens that challenges them to solve their own problems without hiding behind disrespectful, obnoxious or abusive behavior. Empowering Parents now brings this insightful and impactful program directly to homes around the globe.

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I wish it was this easy. It's not that simple I've read what you wrote here and I don't think you have teenager's because it's eazy as you say

Sandra Sometimes the lack of motivation is a sign of something deeper - fear and shame felt because of failing grades - and so the child enters denial and resistance mode.

Emma Same here. I hate that the school requires the use of the laptop. It is nothing but a distraction and you can't take it away because they need it for school. The closest we've come to a solution is parental control software.

Tracy I have the same situation with my son. Ignores homework or any other responsibilities, bedroom is a disaster. Can't babysit all day, I am a single mom and I work full time. He knows how much this upsets me yet he does nothing to fix it. I take xbox, pc More power cords away, NOTHING motivates this kid.

Dad.com The issue with parents right now is that they have the same issue of all assuming their child’s goal is to fight them and be rebellious. A lot of kids who are struggling right now would love to pass and work hard and get good grades, but there are many More factors such as depression, low self-esteem and confidence, and the reaction, the relationship, and the treatment from the parents that greatly effect a child's motivation and perspective. Stop using punishment as a way to help your kid, use positive re-enforcement, and let then understand that what they’re going through isn’t their fault, they didn’t choose to be depressed, stressed, or have little to no motivation. Try and be helpful and realize that they are the ones carrying more emotional baggage then you can imagine.

Hyporeal Agree with some other comments here re consequences - they made difficult situations much much worse. No tv? She turned it on anyway. Confiscated phone/guitar - ransacked the house & took my keys in order to find them. Eventually, at age 24 she was diagnosed with severe ADHD, & More I realised those consequences would have produced anxiety in her worse than the original requests.

This. I'm already late for work every day (I take him to school) I can't sit at home with him all day every day.

He does have underlying issues (depression, anxiety), but 'nothing works' so he won't even try anything anymore - medication, therapy, exercise.

I'm at my wits' end and it's to the point that by the time he gets dropped off, I'm practically in tears, but have to get it together so that I can go to work and do what I need to do.

Emma Certainly it's important to rule out clinical anxiety and depression. But it appears to me that absolutely everything these days is being blamed on anxiety and depression and we are too quick to medicate and relieve children of their responsibilities.

Melissa382 Thank you for this I hope more parents see this.

Emma Agree 100%.

Janelle383 Maybe your child is depressed or something. You never know what really goes on in a teen’s mind.

Thanks for taking the time to put this article together to support parents. This is something I spend a lot of time also doing. I would love to be able to use your work as a reference for the families I come in contact with. The above article leaves me with a question that I feel would come up if I used it; "If the key is to avoid the power struggle, how do I then avoid the power struggle that would ensue from implementing the consequence?" Many of the struggles people have result from the secondary behaviour that follows the logical (as opposed to natural) consequence implementation. I look forward to hearing your strategies for this next step. Kindest Regards

Emma Same question here. And how can natural consequences work when they are not immediate? A 14-year-old has trouble understanding that missing homework assignments, being lazy with schoolwork, and not studying will impact his future. His immediate natural consequence is lower grades, but what if he doesn't care because he can't More see how this affects him in the future?

Txmomma Yes I have the same issue. In response to a consequence he break things, slams stuff, locks me out screams and yells. He doesn’t care if he gets bad grades. He doesn’t care if he fails or has to repeat a grade.

Responses to questions posted on EmpoweringParents.com are not intended to replace qualified medical or mental health assessments. We cannot diagnose disorders or offer recommendations on which treatment plan is best for your family. Please seek the support of local resources as needed. If you need immediate assistance, or if you and your family are in crisis, please contact a qualified mental health provider in your area, or contact your statewide crisis hotline.

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The Homework Struggle: How to Encourage Kids to Do Homework

• September 21, 2017

Most parents have been there—the nightly homework struggle.

Students rarely look forward to completing their homework assignments after the last school bell has rung for the day. However, homework is part of being a student—and one that has an impact on future academic performance. This makes it important to figure out how to encourage kids to do their homework without a nightly quarrel.

The Importance of Homework

Homework supplements the education that children are getting in the classroom. Its role is to increase comprehension and give students the chance to study, practice, and understand the material. This type of “outside-the-classroom” thinking can help increase the development of positive study habits, improve cognition and memory, and encourage time management.

So, why the resistance?

Students often have trouble seeing the value in homework. After all, they just spent an entire day in school, so why should they sacrifice their valuable free time to do more work? Other factors, from attention and motivation issues to poor time management and organizational skills can also lead to students having trouble completing their homework.

How to motivate kids to do homework

Students who don’t do their homework or continually battle with their parents about it often experience higher levels of stress. This stress can lead to a lack of motivation both inside and outside of the classroom, causing them to fall behind. It’s important for parents to take an active role in making sure students complete their homework so their performance doesn’t suffer.

How can you make homework time a smoother process? Rather than making your child do homework, focus on how you can make homework more a more enjoyable experience for your child. Don’t worry—it’s easier than it sounds!

Follow these tips on how encourage good homework habits in your child.

Create structure

Creating a schedule your child can follow makes it easier to get him or her to sit down and complete homework assignments. Set a time and create a special study space for homework to be completed, making it part of the child’s nightly routine.

Give kids a break after school

Don’t force your child to do homework as soon as he or she gets home. Let him or her have some time after school to give his or her mind a break before starting homework. This break can help improve motivation and focus when it is time for your child to do his or her homework.

Provide motivation

Show encouragement and appreciation of your child’s hard work when he or she has completed his or her homework. Something as small as a high five or words of praise can boost your child’s motivation. You can also offer small rewards, like a trip to the store or a special treat.

Lead by example

While you child does his or her homework, don’t engage in other preferred activities, such as watching TV. Read a book, do some research, or scratch a chore off your to-do list.

Talk about the benefits

Rather than yelling, have a calm discussion with your child about why homework is important. Fighting with your child will increase stress and frustration, leaving him or her unable and unwilling to focus on homework.

No More Homework Arguments!

By encouraging—rather than forcing—your child to complete his or her homework, you can help your child become a more organized, proactive student. This will save you a lot of arguments down the line, letting your child use his or her energy to reach his or her potential rather than avoiding homework.

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Daniel Wong

How to Motivate Your Teenager to Do Better in School: 10 Tips Guaranteed to Work

Updated on March 2, 2023 By Daniel Wong 32 Comments

Do you have trouble motivating your children to study?

It’s a common problem that I see in my coaching work with pre-teens and teens .

I notice that many parents approach this problem in the wrong way.

In this article, I’m going to explain 10 principles for motivating children to do well in school.

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How NOT to motivate your teenager to do better in school

The first five items on the list below might be things you’ve done in the past, but there’s no reason to get down on yourself about them.

They’re simply common parenting habits that are born from good intentions, but ultimately are not effective motivational tools.

You can start today to become a better listener, less controlling, and more accepting. Let’s take a look at what to avoid going forward.

1. Don’t annoy your children

One of the keys to motivating your children to work hard is not to annoy them.

This may seem odd at first, as we’re used to parents getting annoyed with children, not vice versa.

If your children are continually upset with you over things you say or do, they will find it hard to listen to you.

You may have some great wisdom to offer them, but your children won’t be receptive to your advice.

Parents often engage in power struggles with their children. For some of us, these are habits we learned from our own childhoods.

But power struggles with your children consume a lot of energy. And that’s energy that could be spent on something more constructive.

Another habit to avoid is making comments that suggest your child isn’t good enough.

This may be something you’re not aware that you do.

It may be very subtle. For example, take the statement: “You’re improving, but I know you can do better.”

On the surface, it sounds like encouragement. But you’re actually telling your child that he or she isn’t good enough.

Or take a statement that begins: “When I was your age…” These kinds of statements usually involve a comparison that leaves your children feeling bad. So avoid making these types of comments.

Another trap that parents fall into is comparing their children with someone else’s. Parents often hope that these comparisons will inspire their children to do better.

Unfortunately, these comments have the opposite effect.

“I hear that John got A’s in all his subjects the last term” may seem like an innocent remark. But it’s a comparison that leaves your child feeling worse about himself or herself.

This is not the way to motivate your children.

Sometimes, parents try to motivate their children by giving them lectures. But lectures tend to make children feel powerless and resentful.

Instead of lecturing your children, discuss the issue with them and ask them what they think. This is much more effective than lecturing them.

Because it gets them involved, and makes them part of the solution.

2. Don’t use rewards, punishments, or threats

Research has shown this approach doesn’t work in the long term.

There are three reasons in particular that rewards and punishments are to be avoided.

Firstly, rewards and punishments are bad for your relationship with your children.

They teach your children that they’re loved for what they do and not for who they are. Children who grow up unsure that they’re loved for who they are tend to make poor life choices later on.

Secondly, rewards and punishments may get short-term results, but they ignore the underlying issue: Why is your child not motivated?

It’s much better to address the root cause than to use a band-aid approach of rewards and punishments.

Thirdly, rewards and punishments put your children’s focus entirely on outcomes. Your children’s level of motivation is based on the promise of the reward or the threat of the punishment.

Rewards, punishments and threats don’t teach your children how to develop intrinsic motivation. They don’t cultivate in your children a love of learning.

As mentioned earlier in this article, it’s better to focus on the process and not the outcome. This way, your children will develop self-discipline and a sense of responsibility.

So what should you do instead of using rewards and punishments?

Discuss with your children the joy (and benefits) of learning and studying.

Explain to them that most rewarding careers require an investment of time and effort.

But it’s also important to explain to your children that the process itself is rewarding, even though it will involve sacrifices.

Discuss with your children what their hopes and aspirations are.

Help them to dream big and dare to fail – and model for them how you’re doing the same in your own life.

This approach produces the kind of intrinsic motivation and self-discipline that will last a lifetime.

3. Don’t try to control all of their actions

Being motivated comes from knowing that you can shape your future through the actions you take today.

But if children feel as if their parents are in complete (or almost complete) control, they will have little motivation.

Some parents hover over their children. They micromanage every last detail of their children’s lives.

The result is that the children never develop a sense that they’re responsible for their education and their lives.

By empowering your children, they’ll develop a sense of autonomy and responsibility.

Talk to your children regularly about expectations and consequences.

As a parent, I’m sure you have expectations of your children. For example, you may expect them to keep their room tidy – and there may be consequences for not doing that.

Learning to be responsible in one area (keeping their room tidy) encourages them to be responsible in other areas of life, such as studying.

With this approach, you still need to be involved in your children’s lives. The difference is that instead of hovering and micromanaging, you create boundaries around your involvement.

For example, you can make it clear to your children that you’re available to answer homework-related questions every weeknight between 8 pm and 9 pm.

This way, your children will develop the ability to motivate themselves. They’ll know that they alone are responsible for making sure their homework gets done.

In contrast, consider children whose parents nag them every day to do their homework. Those children won’t develop the ability to motivate themselves.

4. Don’t obsess over the results; emphasise the process instead

The writer Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: “Life is a journey, not a destination.”

This principle applies to study skills and tips as much as it does to life in general.

When motivating your children to do well in school, focus on the process and not the results.

If your children are too focused on results, there’s a danger that when they don’t achieve the results they want, they’ll give up.

What’s more, when we focus only on results, the process becomes a “necessary evil”.

The process becomes something we go through grudgingly because we want a certain result.

But this approach doesn’t encourage a love of learning.

And that’s why it’s important to focus on the process, not the results.

Cultivate in your children a love of learning for its own sake, not just as a means to achieve a goal. At the end of the day, achieving goals is a by-product of the systems and processes that we follow.

For example, as a concert pianist, you may have a goal to play Mozart’s Piano Concerto No. 15 in B-flat major without making a single mistake.

The system or process that makes it possible to reach that goal is how often you practise, how you break down and learn difficult cadenzas, and how you incorporate feedback from your music teacher.

When teaching children how to study and how to motivate themselves, it’s vital that you focus on the process and not the outcome.

5. Don’t reduce your child to a problem that needs to be solved

Pre-teens and teens are going through a lot of changes , both physically and mentally.

It’s also a time when they may start displaying problematic behaviours, such as aggression, mood swings, being argumentative , and defying established rules.

As a parent, it’s natural for these kinds of behaviours to become the centre of your attention – they’re problems that you want to solve.

But it’s actually better not to focus on these behaviours.

Instead, try to understand your children’s perspective:

• How do they feel about the situation?
• What opinions do they have?

To understand your children better, you’ll need to practise active listening.

Active listening occurs when we give our full attention to what someone is saying.

This means that you aren’t multitasking while your children are talking to you. It means that you aren’t checking your phone or writing a list of things to do.

You can show your children that you’re giving them your full attention by saying things like “go on” and “tell me more”.

Now and again, summarise your understanding of what your children have been saying.

For example, you could say: “It sounds as if there’s a ‘cool’ group of kids in your class, and that you’re feeling excluded by them.”

This indicates to your child that you’re actively listening. It’s also a way of checking that you understand what he or she is saying.

Some parents think that if only they could make their children understand some fundamental principle, the whole problem would disappear.

But often what pre-teens and teens need most is not to understand ; they need to feel understood .

When they don’t feel understood, they become defiant .

On the other hand, when they feel understood, it creates a space where they feel safe. And that, in turn, creates an environment where they’re open to looking at the problem in a new light.

How to motivate your teenager to do better in school

Now it’s time to focus on positive behaviour that helps your child feel understood, supported, and encouraged.

Use these strategies to strengthen your connection with your child and teach him or her crucial organisational and planning skills. These healthy habits will help your child in school and beyond.

6. Develop routines and structure

Having established routines in family life eliminates a majority of conflicts.

Take homework, for example.

Let’s say you have an established routine that your children do their homework every weeknight between 7 pm and 9 pm.

There won’t be conflicts related to homework, because it’s simply “the way we do things in this family”.

But in a family without routines, ensuring that your children do their homework becomes a daily battle.

Of course, even established routines sometimes need to be reinforced or modified.

For example, now and again you may need to say something like: “When you’ve completed your homework, you can go to Melissa’s house.”

To create a homework routine, it’s a good idea to set up a small part of the house as a study area.

Having a study area that’s free of distractions will help your children develop a homework routine.

It may also help your children if you also devote that period of time to doing your own “homework”. This could be paying bills online, taking an online course, or reading a book to learn about a new topic.

7. Equip your children with planning and organisational skills

As parents, we (hopefully) have planning and organisational skills that we’ve developed over the years.

But we often take these skills for granted, and forget that our children don’t yet have those skills.

Pre-teens and teens can feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and stressed because of the demands they face at school. In response, many of them give up and turn to videos and games as a form of escape.

Some pre-teens and teens might even say they hate school .

But if they have planning and organisational skills, their attitude toward school and academics will be different.

One organisational skill you can teach your children is to break down big tasks into smaller tasks.

Some people call this “chunking down”. This technique makes any task more manageable and doable.

Another skill you can teach your children is list-making. Lists are at the heart of all organisational skills, so this is a great place to start.

You could teach your children how to use a list to pack their bag for a school camp or a school outing.

Planning is another organisational skill that will reduce your children’s stress related to school and exams .

Planning involves placing lists of tasks to be completed within a certain timeframe. This way, your children will learn to complete tasks one by one instead of leaving them until it’s so late that they feel overwhelmed.

For example, if your children have exams coming up, you could teach them how to:

• Break down their revision material into a series of tasks
• Use a calendar to plan how they’re going to complete those tasks within a set timeframe

8. Create a family culture where it’s OK to make mistakes

Thomas Edison made an extraordinary number of unsuccessful attempts at inventing the electric light bulb.

When a reporter asked him how it felt to fail 1,000 times, Edison replied: “I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.”

Unfortunately, we live in an age that places enormous emphasis on instant success.

Failure isn’t tolerated. Parents correct their children’s homework to improve their grades . They argue with teachers who try to point out areas where their children need to improve.

Yet making mistakes is an essential part of learning.

We must learn from our mistakes and correct them, much like a ship that frequently adjusts its course to stay on the correct bearing.

If you want to motivate your children to study hard and do well in school, one of the best things you can do is create a family culture where it’s OK to make mistakes.

One way to do this is to share with your children your own mistakes and what you learned from them.

For example, maybe you went to university to study one field and ended up switching to a different field when you started work. By sharing that experience with your children, you’re showing them that they don’t have to get it “right” the first time.

If you want to teach your children to love learning, one thing you should avoid at all costs is focusing too much on their failures.

Instead of criticising them for their failures, help them to identify what they’ve learned from their mistakes.

A study by Stanford University has shown that children who are praised for their effort work harder and give up less easily.

On the other hand, children who are afraid of failure are more likely to become discouraged when they make mistakes. Instead of learning from their mistakes and moving on, they’re likely to give up altogether.

9. Show an interest in all aspects of your children’s lives

If your only concern is how your children are doing in school, they may begin to feel as if they’re being treated as a project instead of as a person.

This can lead to them feeling resentful. And resentment will result in resistance to anything related to studying.

Treat your child as a whole person, not as a project or problem.

Listen to your children when they talk about their interests. Encourage them to get involved in non-school activities, like dance or drama or athletics.

How pre-teens and teens spend their time is crucial to their overall development.

An approach that focuses entirely on studying won’t help your children to develop in a balanced way.

Learning a musical instrument, playing a team sport, and taking an online course on entrepreneurship are all activities that will help your children to develop holistically.

These non-academic activities will give your children a much-needed break from their studies, and will help them to do better as they pursue their long-term academic goals .

10. Help your children to find a mentor

According to research by North Carolina State University , children who have mentors are more likely to become successful.

A mentor is an adult who acts as a role model for your children.

One of the benefits of your children having a mentor is that they will understand a perspective on life from someone who isn’t their parent.

The mentor’s values and attitudes may be similar to yours. It’s much easier to teach values to your children when they’re also modelled by someone outside the family.

One reason for this is that children inevitably become accustomed to their parents’ viewpoints and begin to tune their parents out.

A mentor can be particularly helpful when there’s an ongoing conflict between parents and children.

In this kind of situation, your children can benefit from having a neutral third party they can turn to. The mentor may help your children to see the issues from a new perspective.

So where can you find a mentor for your children?

A mentor could be:

• A sports coach, art teacher or music teacher
• A neighbour or family friend
• One of your co-workers
• Someone who runs a coaching/mentoring programme (I’m not ashamed to say that I fall into this category of people, because it’s extremely rewarding work)

These ten principles will help you to build in your child a deeper motivation to work hard.

Some of these principles, like establishing routines and structure, may take a while to implement. But other tips and principles you can put into practice right away.

For example, you can start practising active listening today.

I’m confident you’ll start seeing positive results.

(Here’s a link where you can explore more tips on how to motivate a teenager .)

Wishing you all the best on this challenging but meaningful journey!

Like this article? Please share it with your friends.

May 14, 2019 at 7:49 am

Very good article indeed.

May 14, 2019 at 8:04 am

I’m glad you like it!

May 15, 2019 at 11:13 am

Great article! I think you are doing a wonderful job with the kids and their parents. Keep up the good work!

May 15, 2019 at 11:14 am

May 15, 2019 at 1:16 pm

I needed this. Great article!

May 15, 2019 at 1:41 pm

Hope it helps!

May 18, 2019 at 12:33 pm

Hi Daniel, your article comes at the right time and reminded me to look at the process and not result when my girl did not do well in her studies. Thanks

May 18, 2019 at 1:23 pm

You’re welcome, Joanne.

May 26, 2019 at 12:38 pm

Great articles. Had shared it with my daughter-in-law as she is having problems with her son.

June 29, 2019 at 10:39 am

Hi Daniel,the article is really good.wish I had read this article when my child was in her teens.

October 6, 2019 at 6:58 pm

My daughter age 7 yrs has lack of interest in studying and in school..she is far behind from other her classmates..I am worried about her development ..

October 25, 2019 at 1:01 pm

Thanks for sharing this good article.

November 8, 2019 at 3:28 pm

What if we do all these things to a T and the child still doesn’t want to study or doesn’t seem to care about grades at all?

November 9, 2019 at 8:27 am

Then I would recommend that you check out this guide that I’ve written ( https://www.daniel-wong.com/resolving-conflicts-guide/ ), because I’m confident that it will help.

November 26, 2019 at 12:01 am

Thanks. Very useful tips.

December 4, 2019 at 1:42 am

I really needed advice!

January 22, 2020 at 3:01 pm

Amazing article. Loved it

January 22, 2020 at 7:55 pm

Parents can motivate their children to perform better academically with these tips.

To add, parents should always remind their children of the fruit of hardwork. This will push them to aim higher.

Daniel, thank you for sharing this great piece

February 26, 2020 at 7:53 am

Thank you so much I’ve recently started work as a guidance counsellor in a college . and have quickly realised that counselling tools alone don’t cut it . I am looking at ways to adjust my work and came across your article . I am very appreciative that you have shared your tools and insights . and can add them in my own toolbelt . Thank you for helping me to help others . Blessings

June 18, 2020 at 6:36 pm

Powerful elements. Thank you very much.

July 30, 2020 at 3:16 pm

Parents can really use these tips to motivate their child. Great principles, thanks for sharing!

August 6, 2020 at 11:36 pm

Great artical very helpful for parents.thanks

August 9, 2020 at 6:32 pm

Thanks Daniel im going to use this in my orientation to the parents in our school… I will acknowledge you in my talk… God bless!

August 21, 2020 at 6:57 am

Good i can see things change

October 24, 2020 at 12:22 pm

Having raised 2 valedictorians both having graduated with over 600 students, these suggestions are a little weak. Better suggestions include:

1. As soon as they are old enough to understand, encourage your kids to assume ownership of their education as the result is information power & increased future opportunities. 2. Instruct the kids to expect social pressure from classmates to not excel thereby making classmates to look less capable i.e. don’t slow down. 3. The objective is subject mastery; not grades. Mastery facilitates future learning. 4. If you don’t understand something, keep asking for help from different sources until you understand the subject. 5. Ignore teachers who deemphasize rote memorization. That is terrible advice. 6. Learn to teach yourself as that will be your situation sooner or later. 7. Instruct the kids, if people think you are smart, don’t disagree because they will never understand the work you did to master a subject. Keep your mouth shut & don’t announce you test grades or class rank. 8. Ignore people who tell you a subject if difficult to master.

T. Edison once said genius is 1% inspiration & 99% perspiration. Hard work is often mistaken for being smart.

November 25, 2020 at 7:42 pm

So, everything I have done has been wrong.

January 16, 2021 at 4:22 pm

Great article, very helpful for parents. I read it at the correct time. Thank you.

June 25, 2021 at 6:16 pm

Great article I hope to apply some of the theories. I am already applying some on the article. There are more for me to learn and apply.

Many thanks

April 24, 2022 at 11:15 pm

Hellow Daniel Is this article similar to your 16-keys book?

April 25, 2022 at 9:52 am

Hi Nasima, there is some overlap but the details and content are significantly different.

March 17, 2023 at 4:05 pm

Delightfully nice, realistic and practical. Tnx…

May 10, 2024 at 4:21 pm

Great, very amazing Useful Content . Thanks for sharring.

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Greater Good Science Center • Magazine • In Action • In Education

How to Motivate Kids to Practice Hard Things

According to a recent survey by the Society of Human Resource Management, 97 percent of employers say that reliability is a very or extremely important qualification for an entry-level job; it’s at the top of nearly everyone’s list. How do parents help their kids learn to be reliable—people whom others can trust to consistently do their best work?

One place to start is to teach kids the importance of practice. Kids practice to reach all kinds of goals—writing their names, dribbling a basketball, playing a song on the guitar. But they aren’t always motivated to practice, and they don’t always practice in the right way.

A highly effective and well-researched technique called deliberate practice allows you to repeatedly work on a mental or physical skill with the aim of getting better in the future. Research suggests that children as young as five can start to understand deliberate practice, and children and adolescents who engage in it make gains in school achievement and motor skills .

By encouraging them to engage in deliberate practice as they get older, we can help our kids achieve their goals.

What is deliberate practice?

According to researcher Lauren Eskreis-Winkler and her colleagues , shallow practice is how most people study—they practice what they already know while they are only partly focused, which is not particularly effective. In contrast, they explain, deliberate practice has four principles:

• Working on weaknesses: Rather than doing things that you already do well, deliberate practice focuses on the things that are hard for you. For example, you might replay the part of your trumpet solo with the hard high notes that you’ve been having trouble with, rather than the parts that you know well.
• Full concentration: Deliberate practice is difficult when you face distractions that make it hard to stay on task, like noise, social media, or people nearby. Instead of writing an essay with your phone beside you while hanging out with your friends, you might go to a quiet library and tuck your phone in your backpack.
• Feedback: Deliberate practice involves finding out what you got right and where you made mistakes by asking a teacher or coach or checking your work. For example, if you made mistakes on your long-division homework, you might review your work again and talk to your teacher about how you can solve those problems correctly in the future.
• Repetition until mastery: Deliberate practice requires you to keep working on your weaknesses, stay on task, and get feedback until you master your specific goal.

How to motivate kids toward deliberate practice

How do you motivate kids to engage in deliberate practice, which tends to be more demanding than shallow practice?

In multiple experiments, Eskreis-Winkler and her colleagues studied American middle schoolers between fifth and seventh grade, as well as college undergraduates. They randomly assigned adolescents from multiple schools to two groups: One group learned typical study skills, and the other group learned the difference between shallow practice and deliberate practice using animated videos, prompts for reflection, and short writing activities.

In some of the videos, people shared their experiences with how hard deliberate practice is and some tips on how to handle the challenge:

• Expect and be OK with failure: Famous people talked about how failure is a normal part of learning. They described having failed many times before they became successful and framed mistakes as a necessary part of deliberate practice that led them to their achievements.
• Tolerate feeling frustrated and confused: A student told his life story, from growing up poor and having trouble learning in elementary school to graduating from MIT. He shared that you make a lot of mistakes as you work on your weaknesses, which can be frustrating and confusing, but it means you’re in the “stretch zone.” Rather than thinking it’s a bad sign and time to give up, this is actually the time to keep going. People can learn to tolerate their frustration more and more with practice.
• Question your beliefs about talent: An actor, an athlete, and a musician talked about how practice led them to be successful in their different life goals—and none of them mentioned talent. People mistakenly think that talent is the most important factor because they don’t see all the hours of practice that go into people’s final performances—like an actor taking days to memorize lines, a swimmer waking up at dawn for months to practice the butterfly stroke, or a novelist writing for years to complete a manuscript.


 To solidify this lesson, the researchers showed adolescents anonymous quotes from other students that described their practice habits and preferences. For example, one quote said, “I thought the kids who were good at fractions were just smarter than me. But in the past couple of months, I realized that by doing deep practice, I could get just as many fraction problems right as they could. When I work hard and do deep practice on my fractions homework, I come to class being able to answer just as many problems as the other kids.”

Finally, the researchers asked the adolescents to write a short letter to other students who didn’t know about deliberate practice to communicate the significance of what they had learned. (The researchers explain that “one of the most effective ways to persuade a participant of a message is to have the participant advocate the message to others.” Research shows that this “saying-is-believing” effect influences their later memory and impression of the topic.)


The researchers found that these brief lessons motivated adolescents to engage in deliberate practice on math problems and improved their achievement in math, course grades, and GPA after one academic quarter.

If you want your kids to tap into these benefits, tell and show them how much you practice to work on goals, how you experience failure on an everyday basis, and how you tolerate frustration and confusion. Remind your kids about how their favorite soccer players or swimmers work with their coaches to get feedback. Encourage your children to talk to their siblings, cousins, or friends about how they use deliberate practice to prepare for their tap dance performance so that they can reap the benefits of the “saying-is-believing” effect.

“When I work hard and do deep practice on my fractions homework, I come to class being able to answer just as many problems as the other kids.”

Besides helping kids cope with how hard deliberate practice feels in the present, another way to motivate them is to encourage good feelings about their desired future—according to a study on how deliberate practice develops in children.

Melissa Brinums and her colleagues studied 120 Australian four to seven year olds. First, the researchers showed the children three games that they could play: golf, ring toss, or cup-and-ball. Then, they were told that they would later be tested on a target game (say, golf) and could win one sticker each time they scored.

The researchers randomly assigned the children to two groups. Before leaving the room for a few minutes, they told one group, “If you like, you can use this time to prepare for the test.” They told the other group, “If you like, you can use this time to play with any of the games.” When they returned, they asked the children which game they played the most, why, and what they could do to get better at the games.

The researchers measured how much deliberate practice children engaged in based on which game they chose to play first and how long they played the target game. They also used the children’s replies to their questions to gauge their understanding of practice. The kids earned a higher score if they talked about practicing, improving, or being persistent than if they talked about fun or luck or couldn’t answer the questions.

The results? Six and seven year olds both understood deliberate practice and engaged in it without being cued. Five year olds showed some understanding and sometimes deliberately practiced. Four year olds did not understand deliberate practice yet.

“These increases in understanding of and engagement in deliberate practice may be due to age-related improvements in cognitive capacities,” explain Brinums and her colleagues. Episodic foresight—the capacity to imagine the future and act accordingly—begins to develop in the preschool years and improves throughout childhood. Episodic foresight allows us to predict how the future might make us feel . Compared to the younger children, the older children were likely more motivated to practice because they were better able to envision being tested and feeling happy about earning stickers for scoring in the game.

Although preschoolers may not be able to forecast the future yet, parents can encourage their school-age kids—who aren’t eager to practice piano, for example—to imagine how being well-prepared will make them feel during an upcoming recital.

Ultimately, parents can support kids as they learn to value practice, whether it’s in school, at their first summer job, or within their family and community. Deliberate practice may not guarantee them a gold medal at the Olympics, but it can improve their performance so they do their personal best. And that will help them grow up to be someone others can depend on.

About the Author

Maryam Abdullah

Uc berkeley.

Maryam Abdullah, Ph.D., is the Parenting Program Director of the Greater Good Science Center. She is a developmental psychologist with expertise in parent-child relationships and children’s development of prosocial behaviors.

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Intrinsic & extrinsic motivation: how to best encourage your kids.

Most parents know that getting kids to do things on their own—be it homework, chores, or helping around the house—might be a struggle. You might even be asking yourself, Ugh, how do I motivate them to do anything? on a regular basis. This constant battle is no fun for anyone. 

So, finding a way to authentically motivate kids becomes paramount. However, "Motivation is complicated and has many influences," Aliza Pressman, Ph.D. , co-founding director and director of clinical programming for the Mount Sinai Parenting Center tells us. And it turns out that there are technically two types of motivation: intrinsic and extrinsic.

What do these mean, how can they help kids get the job done, and is there a style that's more effective? Well, we spoke to an expert to find out.

What is extrinsic motivation?

Extrinsic motivation is being encouraged to do something because of outside (extrinsic) forces. Said motivation could be positive or negative, meaning they can be encouraged to do something to receive a benefit or praise or discouraged to do something out of fear of consequences. 

Examples of extrinsic motivation: 

• Playing a sport in order to win a prize.
• Finishing schoolwork to be able to watch TV. 
• Helping around the house so they can go play with friends. 

Why you use extrinsic motivation.

Of course, there are valid reasons that you may encourage kids by dangling a prize in front of them—and, of course, actions have consequences, so often you may need to discipline them when they misbehave. Not to mention, rewards can offer a signal to your kid that they did a good job and you are proud of them, which is a good thing, no? 

"When you do not care if the child internalizes the motivation for doing something, for example, you just really want them to go to bed and stay in bed because you are so tired! You can set up a rewards system if you are OK that they aren't going to care about actually doing something," says Pressman. "Also if there is no concern that in the long run, they will be stuck needing extrinsic rewards in order to do something."

The problems with extrinsic motivation. 

However, the problem comes up when the motivation ends there. Kids, and people in general, can only operate so well if their validation comes solely from the outside. This, too, is backed up by research: In one study, toddlers were given rewards after playing with a toy—a toy they previously expressed interest in. After they were given said reward, they became less interested in the toy that they were previously interested in.

Not only that, but if you continually offer external rewards for positive behavior, you may be sending the wrong signal to your kids as they grow up: that good behavior always gets you an award—and that's simply not the way life works. This is why experts encourage you to help build intrinsic motivation when you can. 

What is intrinsic motivation?

Intrinsic motivation is what happens when kids act accordingly because it feels rewarding to do so. You are doing something because you want to do it, not because you're being forced to or because you are craving praise. "Intrinsic motivation means that for reasons inside of you, you are motivated to do or learn something," says Pressman. "When someone has the internal drive to do something, they feel better and have more agency over their life."

Examples of intrinsic motivation:

• Practicing at a sport diligently because they enjoy the activity and they feel happy when they get better. 
• Completing homework on time because it makes them feel proud when they complete their tasks. 
• Understanding that housework helps other members of the family, and so they make sure to get their chores done. 

How to develop intrinsic motivation.

So the problem is it's challenging to develop intrinsic motivation. Few people naturally enjoy tidying up, no? So how can you get kids to feel internal validation when said task isn't always appealing?

"Motivation comes from a set of neurochemical networks that develop over time, as a result of the experiences we have," says Pressman, noting that you can develop motivation through these experiences. "The best way to sustain motivation is to support internal drivers with the right kind of external feedback: not a lot of it, focused on process, and remember that if a child is fully internally motivated, don't interrupt it much with your external commentary or they might lose sight of their internal drive."

Her tips for developing internal motivation in kids: 

• Help them choose achievable goals and challenge children just enough.
• Focus the planning process, encourage kids to identify something specific that they want to accomplish. Most important is that the goals are meaningful to your child and not established by others. 
• Remind kids to periodically monitor their behavior and consider whether they are doing the things they planned and whether these plans are achieving the goals they identified.
• Give children agency —if they are capable of doing something themselves, let them. If they are almost capable, help them a little.
• Give incentives/rewards only when necessary to start a new habit that is hard to motivate internally and that you aren't concerned will have long-term implications.
• Praise process, not outcome: You want kids to be motivated for working hard and sticking with it, not for getting to the end goal.
• Maintain a close connection , particularly with adolescents.
• Pay attention to language—when you or a child say, "I'm not good at xyz" shift it to "I'm not good at this yet." Be open to the possibility that practice makes you smarter.
• Monitor your own behavior: Think about how you fail in front of your kids. (We know all about being a role model for success, but what about being a good *failure* role model?) 

The takeaway.

Encouraging kids to develop intrinsic motivation will ultimately help them in the long run find joy, value, and reward in their tasks. Of course, there is a time and place for extrinsic motivation, but it shouldn't be used as your sole incentive.

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How to Motivate your Child to do Homework: 5 Simple Ideas that work

For a lot of parents, the scariest thing would probably be their beloved school going child coming to their room with a bunch of undone home work sheets the night before their submission date. The second most scary thing would possibly be a ghost or something. After all, what could cause an adrenaline rush better? If your otherwise naughty child gives you puppy-dog eyes and comes with a giant smile plastered on their face, you don’t need any amusement park ride for an adventure; you know you’re in for an all-nighter or a hurried homework completion session.

If you’re a parent whose child often turns their back on homework and comes to you at the eleventh hour and barely manages to complete it, you’re not alone. Whether one likes to do it or not, homework constitutes an important part of one’s academic life. If your child is not the super rare, highly punctual, organised and academically high-spirited sort, you would know about the qualms associated with homework and the conflict it begets in families. So, how does one really inspire one’s child to get to successfully do their homework? To address the elephant in the room, we must first take a look at the ideas kids with different temperaments and personalities have towards homework and why they don’t find it worth completing.

A few of the reasons why children aren’t motivated to do their homework are:

• They are usual procrastinators who don’t want to know why it is given and how they would be benefited by it in the long term.
• They simply forget that they have been given homework.
• They are finding the space at home to be not so conducive for doing their homework and also think they lack the necessary technological support to aid them.
• They are overly attached to gadgets or playing video games because of which they don’t devote as much time to studying and completing the home work.
• They are more inclined towards activities outside of school, such as karate, yoga, music and painting classes or have a demanding schedule because of those pursuits.

The truth is, there is no ideal way of luring or tricking kids into doing their homework with temporary rewards like increased screen-time, gifting their expensively favourite video games or toys, or even the promise of buying them a swanky new bicycle. You most probably will see them going back to square one and ditching their homework as and when they’ve exhausted your captivating rewards.

As a concerned parent, the best thing that one can do is identify what’s causing kids to make faces when it comes down to home work. This is especially true in the context of maths homework. Given the fact that mathematics needs to be studied almost every day for students to be able to learn the sheer variety of concepts that it has, practice and timely homework are a must.

By dealing with the crux of kids’ aversion towards homework, parents can come up with a solution that permanently fixes the problem and motivates them to do their homework not just once, but consistently, without any crutches or attachment to rewards.

Tips to Motivate Your Child to do Homework

The following remedies might prove to be of great help if you’re a parent wanting to sweeten your child’s bitter relationship with homework.

Explaining to them the rationale behind regularly doing homework and its upside:

Most kids would think of homework as an unnecessary and painstaking activity. Parents can change this perception if they successfully show their kids that homework is meant for their greater good. Putting things on hold and lazing around is a natural human tendency, but becomes a source of tension when one keeps on postponing tasks. When kids persistently solve their homework maths problems every day, they’re hardwiring whatever they learn through doing their homework into their brain. By doing this, students won’t feel nearly as helpless or stressed on the day before their maths exam as they would otherwise, by finding themselves toppling with the weight of pending math homework. After all, it’s better to do the math little by little and then take the exam and have a fruitful aftermath!

Setting daily reminders for checking homework:

Let us admit. The best of us forgets to do things. While some kids may be masters of mischief and have an otherwise strong memory when it comes down to their monkey business, they may display a newly weakened memory when asked about their homework. It almost is like magic, and a great spell that can work to counteract this magic is reminders. Whether they are in the form of sticky notes pasted at spots where kids can see them or digital reminders found in your smartphones, you can use them to remind children about their homework. Even if your child is one that devotedly does his or her homework and genuinely forgets about it once in a while, reminders can and do help. If they are successful able to finish their homework, they’re eligible for a hearty praise that would further motivate them to do it in the future as well by giving them a sense of accomplishment.

Creating a tranquil atmosphere at home for kids to be able to study and approach you very easily:

A great deal of parents are completely aware of and keep a track of their child’s activities and progress in school. Sailing through a lot of personal, familial, professional and social obligations can be a task for anyone, but a responsible parent must pay heed to their little ones’ learning needs through it all. Let your kids relax for a while once they come back home from school. If you nag them and ask them to take to doing their homework while they’re still reeling from their schoolwork, it is going to backfire. Let them take a break and then you could talk to them about their homework.

Familial conflicts and halfhearted parenthood can create an environment in the house that is nowhere conducive to a child’s mental health, and could distract them from studying. A lot of mental calculation goes into doing maths homework, and parents must ensure a calm atmosphere in the house. Maybe your child is a shy one and maybe he or she needs more attention. Since kids won’t always tell you or talk to you about what’s bothering them or what they need, you need to pay attention to the little things such as the presence of ample of stationery items and geometric tools and calculators. Parents must take time out of their schedule and sit with their children and help them in their homework. They can and should try and explain to them basic concepts in the subject, if they ever need help at all. This would give two benefits. One would be of a bettered bonding between the parents and children and the other would be an increased interest in doing homework. ( Also Read: Understanding the Teenage Brain: What’s going on inside? .)

Limit their screen time to a healthy quantity:

The homes of a lot of people on the face of the earth today are laden with gadgets of different sorts. While it is understandable that kids in the present day revel and deserve to revel in entertainment that gaming consoles or smartphones and tablets provide, they must be taught well to exploit the functions of those devices that can enrich them in educational knowledge as well.

If kids continue to have unrestrained access to such devices, they will most likely be immersed in them irredeemably. This will most likely prevent them from doing their homework. Hence, parents must ensure that kids have a healthy amount of screen time and know when to intervene.

Even if a child is fond of playing outdoors with friends and takes little interest in studies, he/ she must be explained how physical activity is indeed a great thing, but one must devote their time to home work and studying as well. Knowing when to intervene in their kids’ activities and knowing how to do it softly yet triumphantly is one skill that the parents must conjure.

Create a well turned out timetable for managing kids’ extracurricular to create a balance between their school life and the life beyond school:

Parents almost always feel proud when their children take to learning things. It is commendable when one’s child excels at school, and parents find their hearts swelling with pride when he or she blooms even in the activities that they undertake while they’re not studying. One can learn to paint, to play the guitar or the piano, to learn to ride a horse, learn singing or even learn martial arts and a parent would only be proud. It does become a problem though when kids find themselves stretched in between and entangled in two things. To prevent kids from having a tiring schedule and to enable them to do their homework calmly, a carefully designed timetable will only help. Parents can sit with their kids and address the issue of time management. By making a time table, kids can devote the correct amount of time to whatever they are pursuing, while ensuring their homework and studying doesn’t take a hit.

Often, the strife created by incomplete homework pushes kids to be on the brink of tears. It also frustrates parents and at times leads to a face-off between the two parties. Realising that a child can be motivated to do their homework with steady and continual efforts is imperative for the parents. As a parent, if you feel your child is genuinely overwhelmed with homework even after having a shot at it, you know it’s time to talk to the teacher and see if the quantity of homework that he or she is giving in the school is the pink of their mental and physical health or is plainly excessive.

A robust quantity of homework is essential for your child, and he or she can be encouraged to do it with channeled efforts of yours sooner or later. Hold their hand whenever they need it, and you probably wouldn’t be too far from marveling at their academic transformation with regular homework.

7 Creative Ways to Motivate Your Kids to Do Their Homework

It's hard to get kids excited about things they don't want to do, like going to sleep, eating their veggies, and, yes, doing their homework . While some children are natural overachievers who enjoy school and relish in homework time, many children will rebel. And usually, once your child has it in their mind that they don't want to do something, it can be difficult to convince them otherwise. To help with this, we've come up with seven creative solutions to help get them excited about doing their homework (and doing it well!).

1. Make a Colorful Workstation

Any adult who has a desk knows that having a colorful, inspiring workspace can really help you with creativity and productivity. The same can be said for a child's workstation! Whether they have their own desk in their room or have a workspace in a common area of your home, decorate it with things they are inspired by (colored pencils, a fun eraser, etc.) so that homework time is more fun.

2. Give Them a Reward

Rewarding your child for doing their homework can be a little controversial, but when done right, it's very effective. Some parents choose to reward their children with food or toys, but the reward can even be as simple as an hour of TV time or a creative, fun activity. Whatever your child's natural instincts, abilities, and interests, choose a reward that will motivate them to finish their homework.

3. Praise Your Child

Rewards don't necessarily have to be tangible objects. If you're uncomfortable with physical rewards, consider using praise as a reward. Children are often concerned with pleasing their parents, so if you establish that completing homework results in praise, they may be more willing to do their homework on a regular basis.

4. Establish a Homework Routine

Most children work better when a routine is established, so consider setting aside a certain time for homework every day after school. You can also let them have an hour or so after they get home to watch TV or have a snack first.

5. Let Your Child Decide When Homework Time Is

It can be hard to make children do something they don't want to do, so letting them have some level of agency and choice when it comes to their homework can really help motivate them. Instead of telling them when homework time is, sit them down and let them choose what works best for them. Maybe your child prefers to do their homework immediately when they get home from school, whereas some children need a break beforehand.

6. Encourage Using Technology

There are likely many ways your child uses an iPad or computer that are not homework-related, but instead of telling them to put down their devices during homework time, see if there are ways they can use technology to help them. The internet can be a powerful tool for studying and research, and there are lots of apps available that can help your child with spelling, math, and other subjects.

7. Make Homework Their Responsibility

Homework is a great way to teach your children responsibility . Ultimately, the only person who is impacted by whether or not they complete their homework is your child. Make sure they understand the implications of not doing their homework and, if necessary, let them find out the hard way. Making homework your child's responsibility will help them to see the direct results of their actions.

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Nudge, Don’t Nag: 9 Ways to Motivate Your Child to Do Well

Nine ways to get your child with adhd to the starting line — and to finally cross over the finish line of assignments, goals, and day-to-day tasks..

“She could do it if she only tried” or “He’s just lazy.” How often have you heard people say this about your child, or thought it yourself? Your child seems capable, yet getting him to do assignments or homework is like having to move mountains.

Attention deficit disorder ( ADHD or ADD ) has been called a disorder of motivation . Some experts believe that ADHD affects motivation more than attention.

The reason children and teens with ADHD have difficulty getting started and completing tasks is neurologically based. ADHD usually involves executive function deficits — not being able to organize one’s thoughts or getting started, for example. In addition, those with ADHD have lower dopamine levels than their neurotypical peers. Dopamine allows us to regulate emotional responses and take action to achieve specific rewards. It’s responsible for feelings of pleasure and reward. With ADHD , dopamine is not transmitted efficiently, so a child doesn’t have the motivation to complete tasks.

What can you as a parent do to motivate your child to start assignments, finish homework, and just get stuff done? Here are some simple solutions that have worked for me, as a mom and a teacher:

• Monitor your child’s medication. Medication for ADHD improves neurotransmitter function. Check in with your child’s doctor to be sure the dosage is optimal. Also make sure that the medication is active during times when she needs it for homework and other schoolwork.
• Elevate your child to a decision-maker. We are less motivated when someone else tells us what to do. No one likes to be nagged to start a chore or an assignment. Giving your child a sense of control will encourage him to start and finish a task. Ask your child how long she thinks a task will take, and have her compare the actual time with her prediction. Encourage her to come up with solutions for getting started sooner.

[ Free Webinar Replay: Tips and Tools to Help Your Child Start — and Finish — Homework ]

• Set goals. Research shows that setting goals makes it more likely that they will be achieved. Have your child create a “vision board” at the beginning of the school year. She can cut out pictures from magazines or print photos from websites, and make a collage showing where she wants to go and what she wants to be at the end of that grade or beyond. Ask her to write down one specific observable goal that relates to that vision. The goal should be time-limited—like read 10 pages in a book in one week. Agree on a time for her to report on her progress, so you don’t have to nag her.
• Use “if… then.” There are two types of motivation: intrinsic and extrinsic. We all want our children with ADHD to do something because they are interested in doing it, not just to earn a reward. But until they internalize the pleasure of accomplishment, students with ADHD may get more done with external motivation — namely, rewards. Research has shown that giving material rewards works best with short-term activities, not long-term achievements. Instead of rewarding your child for a good report card, reward him for completing assignments due the next day.
• Make it into a game. Have your child choose his favorite tune, and ask him to practice all of his spelling words before the tune is over.
• Connect uninteresting activities to areas of interest. When my son was in third grade, his teacher told me, “He’s just not interested in learning!” I had observed him since birth and knew that the little boy who tamed butterflies was curious and loved to learn. The subject needed to be interesting to him. If your child is interested in baseball, relate math to sports activities, such as calculating a batting average. If he likes cooking, show him how to use fractions to measure ingredients for a favorite recipe.

[ Free Resource: Transform Your Teen’s Apathy Into Engagement ]

• Keep him moving. Allow your child to stand while working. Punctuate school assignments or other quiet tasks with short movement activities, such as yoga poses or “musical chairs.”
• Be realistic. When your child experiences success, he will want to repeat that experience. Determine how much your child can complete in a given time, and ask him to take that on. When my son was a young teen, I had a list of chores for him to complete that never seemed to get done. I nagged him. Finally, I took a close look at what he could realistically get done. We talked things over and he chose one chore he was willing to do — the laundry. Apparently, that held more intrinsic interest to him than taking out the garbage. Once we determined how often the laundry needed to be done, he took charge. I still had to wash the dishes and take out the trash, but he finally experienced a sense of accomplishment from doing his own laundry, and that translated into future success in school.
• Praise effort over ability. Studies show that students do best when they believe that improvement is due to putting in lots of effort rather than to fixed intelligence or innate ability. When a parent praises a child for doing a task, she is underscoring a child’s control over the task.

SHARI GENT, M.S., NCED, works at Mind Matters Educational Therapy and is an educational therapist in private practice in Fremont, California. You can reach Shari here.

[ How to Motivate (Not De-Moralize) a Student with ADHD ]

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How to Motivate Kids

Last Updated: July 1, 2023 References

This article was co-authored by Wits End Parenting . Wits End Parenting is a parent-coaching practice based in Berkeley, California specializing in strong-willed, “spirited” children with impulsivity, emotional volatility, difficulty “listening,” defiance, and aggression. Wits End Parenting's counselors incorporate positive discipline that is tailored to each child’s temperament while also providing long-term results, freeing parents from the need to continually re-invent their discipline strategies. There are 14 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been viewed 58,474 times.

Kids are curious creatures, so you may think that they can motivate themselves. Sometimes, though, kids need a helping hand to stay motivated and focused on things that are important. Learning how to motivate your kids can help you keep them on track to a fulfilling and meaningful childhood.

Finding Motivational Strategies That Work

• Be absolutely clear with what you want your child to accomplish.
• Use specific means of measurement, like getting a B or higher on a test or finishing all of their homework or chores by a certain time.
• Set clear consequences that will take effect if your child doesn't do what's expected of them. For example, you might take away TV and/or internet privileges or suspend your child's allowance for the week.
• Enforce the rules with your children. If they don't do what's expected of them, they will need to learn that there will be consequences.
• Your child will come to realize that getting things done feels good while not doing them leads to feeling bad, and your child will eventually learn to motivate themself.
• It's important to recognize when you're putting too much pressure or any unreasonable pressure on your child. If you show any kind of disappointment when they fail, for example, you're probably pushing your children too hard and making them feel tremendous pressure.
• If you offer rewards as an incentive, make sure you're not offering physical prizes/treats. Instead, offer your child quality time together (perhaps through a day spent together at the park) or additional time at something they already have (like extra TV time).

• Rewards only work for as long as the rewards keep coming, or as long as a parent/guardian is in the room to see the kid working.
• Positive reinforcement, like earning time to play video games or go out with friends, is more successful as a motivator than simple bribery. [4] X Research source
• If you want to offer healthy, meaningful rewards, try offering quality time spent with one or both parents as a way to motivate your child. [5] X Research source This type of positive reinforcement can help motivate your child while also avoiding a "bribe"-based reward system.

• Value induction has been proven to produce lasting effects in kids.
• Once a child has learned a value system, that kid will be more likely to take up some or all of that value system and act out of real motivation.
• Values can be as simple as, "Education is the most important thing. Without an education, you won't be able to accomplish your dreams when you grow up."
• You can help your kid develop their own motivational value system by asking what that child wants to be when they grow up. You can then remind the child, "If you want to be a(n) ______, you need to finish your homework. That way you can go to college and learn everything you need to know about your job."

• Many kids idolize adults. If your child sees you doing chores and you tell them how satisfying it is to have a clean house, they are more likely to help out.
• If you're trying to lead by example with school work, take an active interest in your kid's education. You can also try taking a class at your local community college in something that interests you so that your kid will see you prioritizing education.

Motivating Kids for School

• Ask your child from time to time what they are most interested in. Try to get beyond cartoons or toys to find out what subjects and ideas they find most intriguing.
• Explore your child's areas of interest together by visiting museums, planetariums, and/or wilderness areas.
• Show interest and enthusiasm in the things your child gets excited about. For example, if your child is interested in stars, learn as much as you can about stars and buy your child a telescope or astronomy books geared towards kids.
• If your child is interested in art, take trips to your local art galleries and buy your child drawing or painting supplies. This can get your child excited about existing art while giving your child the tools to make their own art.

• Give your child as many books, magazines, and reading supplements as they can read.
• Spend time reading, either together or separately in the same room. If your child is still struggling with reading on their own, help out and read a book together.
• Help your child engage with different learning styles. For example, playing with blocks can help kids with sorting, sequencing, and problem solving, especially kids who have a more tactile learning style.
• Be enthusiastic about the new things that you learn, and show your child that it's good to be excited about learning new things.

• Talk to your child about how you expect them to do well in school. Expecting your kids to perform well can help them succeed, while expecting them to perform poorly can lead a child to stop trying.
• Ask your child for honest input on what subjects they feel come easiest in school, then ask about which subjects are the most difficult for your child.
• Focus your greatest expectations on the subjects your child does well in, and give your child extra attention and study/homework help on the subjects your child struggles with. [13] X Research source
• Sit down with your child to reassess their strengths and weaknesses every two to three months, and adjust your areas of expectation accordingly as your child's interests and strengths develop.

• Help your child with homework every night, but be on the lookout for things that your child is struggling with more than others. Those subjects and activities will need the most guidance and instruction.
• If your child isn't good at something, help out and provide instruction/guidance.
• Kids might say they find something boring or dumb when they don't know how to do that activity. If your child says something along the lines of, "Our homework assignment was dumb," you may need to offer extra help and guidance.

• Praise can help keep kids motivated, but if your child is struggling in school they may not get good grades.
• Rather than discouraging your kid for trying and failing, celebrate their efforts while also motivating your child to do better next time. Treat failure as a learning opportunity rather than a mistake or pitfall.
• Take more of an active role if your child is struggling in school. Offer support and help your child work through difficult assignments.

Getting Kids Excited About Music, Sports, and Other Hobbies

• Some kids will want to take up musical instruments, while others may want to play sports. Some kids will want both, and some won't want either.
• Find out what your child is interested in and encourage them to explore that interest.
• If your child shows an interest in something, sign them up for lessons/classes, or (in the case of sports) try to enroll your child in a youth league for beginners.
• You should also try to enjoy the things your child enjoys. Watch sports matches together, listen to music together, and go see live performances.

• Goals with specific outcomes can be more challenging (and therefore more engaging) than just general goals like practice times.
• For example, instead of having your child practice a musical scale a certain number of times, give your child a concrete and challenging goal like practicing until they can play the first four or eight measures of a song without error.

• Physical activity helps build strong muscles and bones while managing/preventing weight gain. These are results that your child can see and feel good about.
• Most kids will get active if they're given the right tools. Take your child to the park or a playground, give them equipment to play ball with, and make it a fun activity that you can join in on (if your kid wants you to). [17] X Research source
• Encourage your child to get active with their friends. Take them to the park to play ball together, run obstacles through the playground, etc.
• Teach your child to ride a bike, using training wheels at first and gradually riding without them. This is a great form of exercise and can allow your child to ride to/from friends' houses and the park (as long as it's safe to ride a bike in your neighborhood).
• Always have your child wear a helmet whenever riding a bike, and teach your child basic safety measures like wearing visible colors, staying out of traffic, and using hand signals to let others know when your child is stopping or turning.

• Don't discourage your child from exploring new interests, and don't force your child to keep participating in a hobby or sport they don't enjoy any longer.
• It may be frustrating, especially if you spent a lot of money on instruments or equipment. For this reason, it may be best to rent equipment and instruments until your child knows it's something worth sticking with (especially with equipment, which your child will outgrow).
• Remember that forcing your child to keep doing something they no longer enjoy will discourage your child from exploring interests and may make hobbies feel unfulfilling.

Encouraging Kids to Help With Household Chores

• Chores can help your child have a sense of purpose at home.
• Chores can also let your kid feel like they are contributing to something bigger. Kids think of parents as running the household. Many kids love to play house, and chores let them actually help manage the home.

• Chore charts can help your child see the tasks you expect to be completed on a list, rather than just thinking about them in their mind.
• As your child works through each task on the chore chart, have your child check them off or mark them complete with a sticker.
• Checking off items on a list can bring a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment, which is vital to your child's motivation in helping with chores.

• Listening to music while you cook or clean together can turn chores into a fun dance party.
• You and your child can pretend to be robots while you do certain chores, or reenact scenes from your child's favorite movies.
• Using cleaning tools like a feather duster, spray bottle, or vacuum cleaner can be fun for kids because these tools are so foreign yet familiar (largely from cartoons and movies). [22] X Research source

• Don't expect a perfect, sparkling home. Your children are still kids, not professional cleaners, and there are limits to what they're capable of.
• Break chore time into smaller, more manageable chunks. Instead of having a consecutive hour of cleaning, for example, you might set a timer for 15 minutes of cleaning and take little breaks together between each chunk of time.

• Switching out tasks between multiple kids or between one kid and one parent can keep things interesting. If your child has to do the same chores every week it might get repetitive and stop being fun.
• One way to switch out chores if you have more than one child would be to have each kid clean their sibling's room instead of their own. This may make older kids uncomfortable (especially if they value privacy), but for younger kids it can help change things up.
• Don't be afraid to give kids some more difficult tasks. Many kids find these tasks fun, while easier chores are sometimes seen as being boring. [25] X Research source

• Praise your kids when they finish their chores, and thank them for their work.
• Let your child feel like part of the household by saying something like, "Thank you for all your hard work. We're a good team, and I couldn't have done it without your help." [28] X Research source
• Do something fun with your kids when they finish all their chores.
• You might try taking them out to see a movie, or going out for ice cream sundaes.
• If your child hasn't finished the chores he or she was given, wait until those chores are completed. Don't let your child go to their room or play until the chore is complete, and withhold celebrations that week since your child didn't stay motivated.

Expert Q&A

You Might Also Like

• ↑ Wits End Parenting. Parenting Specialists. Expert Interview. 5 March 2020.
• ↑ http://www.webmd.com/parenting/raising-fit-kids/mood/slideshow-motivate-your-kids
• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/old-school-parenting-modern-day-families/201505/what-really-motivates-kids
• ↑ http://www.scholastic.com/parents/resources/article/motivate-school-success/10-ways-to-motivate-your-child-to-learn
• ↑ http://www.iowanationalguard.com/Family%20and%20Services/Youth%20Programs/Documents/Youth_Documents/7%20Ways%20to%20Motivate%20Children%20in%20School.pdf
• ↑ http://www2.ed.gov/parents/academic/help/adolescence/partx4.html
• ↑ http://kidshealth.org/en/parents/active-kids.html
• ↑ http://kidshealth.org/en/parents/active-kids.html#
• ↑ http://www.parents.com/kids/development/social/motivate-kids-to-do-chores/#page=7
• ↑ http://www.parents.com/kids/discipline/rewards/downloadable-chore-charts/
• ↑ http://www.parents.com/kids/development/social/motivate-kids-to-do-chores/#page=3
• ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/growing-friendships/201303/chores-and-children
• ↑ http://www.parents.com/kids/development/social/motivate-kids-to-do-chores/#page=6
• ↑ http://www.parents.com/kids/development/social/motivate-kids-to-do-chores/#page=4

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Reader Success Stories

Shyma Nazeer

Nov 11, 2016

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How I feel about GPT-4o helping my kid learn math

• ChatGPT-4o can solve math problems from images, providing step-by-step hints for understanding solutions.
• Parents can benefit from ChatGPT as a learning tool, relieving pressure to know math and offering guidance for kids.
• Risk of kids cheating using ChatGPT exists, but parents can implement strategies to ensure understanding and avoid cheating.

In its spring update, OpenAI showed off its newest model: GPT-4o . This model brings a lot of the power of GPT-4 to the free version of ChatGPT, allowing those who don't have a paid subscription to access some of the more powerful features that ChatGPT can offer, such as the ability to generate art with readable text rather than nonsense.

This obviously has consequences for parents, both good and bad.

5 new GPT-4o features making ChatGPT better than ever

The update showcased the impressive conversational ChatGPT-4o 's capabilities, and also demonstrated how you can use ChatGPT-4o to help you solve a math equation by taking an image of the equation and asking for hints on how to find a solution. This obviously has consequences for parents, both good and bad.

Kids are already using ChatGPT to complete written assignments for them, with various levels of success, so what will happen now that solving a math assignment is as simple as snapping a photo? As a parent, here's how I feel about ChatGPT-4o being able to help my kids learn math.

What can GPT-4o do?

Solving math problems from images.

In its spring update demonstration, ChatGPT was shown the equation 3x+1=4 written down on a sheet of paper. The chatbot was then asked what equation was written down, and the correct equation was extracted from the image .

ChatGPT was then asked what the first step would be to try to solve this equation. The response was to get all the terms with x on one side, and all the constants on the other side. It then asks: What do you think we should do with that +1?

The host subtracted one from both sides to leave 3x=3 . ChatGPT then gave another hint: You have 3x, and you want to find the value of x. Think about what operation would undo multiplication. After incorrectly guessing subtraction, ChatGPT gave another hint: Think of the opposite of multiplication. The host was then able to complete the solution by dividing both sides by 3.

With GPT-4o, ChatGPT can generate art with text thats actually readable

Why gpt-4o's math abilities are good for parents, chatgpt knows math, so you don't have to.

They can ask ChatGPT for help with what to do next, without being spoon-fed the answer.

Solving written equations isn't something completely new . But as you could see from the demonstration, ChatGPT-4o wasn't just able to provide a solution for a math question. It was able to provide hints that could help to figure out what to try next. When the host gave an incorrect suggestion (to subtract instead of divide), ChatGPT broke the question down even further. At no point did ChatPGT tell the host what to do until he'd made the correct suggestion himself.

As a learning tool for kids , this is great. When they're working through a question, they can ask ChatGPT for help with what to do next, without being spoon-fed the answer. It means that they get an understanding of what they're doing, rather than simply copying down a solution from a screen without knowing why those steps are required.

Even for parents with a math background, there may be some challenging math questions from your older kids that you just don't remember how to solve.

I'm good at math, so helping my children with this type of question wouldn't be a problem, but many parents will have hated math at school, or simply not remember enough of it to confidently help their kids with this type of question. In these situations, having ChatGPT lend a helping hand is great for the kids and great for the parents. Even for parents with a math background, there may be some challenging math questions from your older kids that you just don't remember how to solve.

ChatGPT has the potential to be a really useful learning tool and can certainly take the pressure off parents having to know enough math to be able to do their kids' homework.

I tried NotebookLM with Gemini 1.5 Pro and its nothing like ChatGPT

Why gpt-4o's math could be bad for parents, cheating has never been easier.

Well, let's start with the obvious. Unless you physically stand watch over your child while they're doing their math assignments, you have no way of knowing if their work is all their own, if they had help from ChatGPT, or whether they got ChatGPT or any other AI to do the whole thing. There is the risk that your child will get AI to do all of their assignments for them and never learn a thing. Unfortunately, when it comes to examinations, ChatGPT isn't going to be allowed.

Another big issue that didn't come up in the demonstration is that ChatGPT can still get stuff wrong. I had a play around with the new ChatGPT-4o and asked it to solve a differential calculus problem. It was able to reach the correct solution, but to do so it had to use the product rule. The definition it gave for the product rule was completely wrong and would have led to a completely different solution. There's a clear danger that apps like ChatGPT could actively teach our kids the wrong things, or at best leave them severely confused.

Did Google sneak a pair of A/R glasses into its I/O demo?

What do educators think, great in theory, but needs to pass the kid test.

I spoke to Pocket-lint's resident educator and librarian, Kenzie Davison , who has recently spent time in an elementary classroom helping students practice for their fifth-grade state exams. Davison had a very interesting take on the ChatGPT-4o demonstration.

Her first concern was that although the chat seemed to emulate a typical tutoring session, we were actually watching an adult with a math background and a wealth of experience using ChatGPT . It's unlikely that the conversation would have gone as smoothly with your typical kid.

Her second point was that children learn by asking questions, and they often don't ask the 'right' question the first, second, or even third time. You need an understanding of the topic before you know what the right questions to ask are, and many kids may not know where to begin.

The host does interrupt ChatGPT when things go awry here and there during the demo to remind ChatGPT of context or clarify what was actually being asked. But from her experience, the interruptions with kids would come more frequently and a touch less elegantly when actually tutoring. She wonders if ChatGPT holds up to that kind of feedback and still gives helpful suggestions? Or does it tend to fall apart?

Ultimately, despite it being very helpful and interesting, she wants to see a live demo with a fifth-grade student or a group of students before she jumps on board.

Overall, she felt that while it was an impressive display, in its current form it would likely cause more frustration than a real tutoring session, as it lacks the contextual awareness that teachers bring. Ultimately, despite it being very helpful and interesting, she wants to see a live demo with a fifth-grade student or a group of students before she jumps on board.

Gemini will make searching your overwhelming Google Photos library suddenly easy

What can parents do to stop cheating with ai, don't dismantle their phone just yet.

This risk of kids using tech to cheat on their assignments isn't anything new. Websites such as Wolfram Alpha have been able to provide step-by-step solutions to math problems for years and are easily accessible on any phone. There's nothing inherent in ChatGPT-4o that allows your child to cheat any better than they could before. Even before smartphones, kids could copy someone else's work without ever having to understand it.

The big difference is that using ChatGPT can actually help your child work through a problem without being given the entire solution at once, which could be genuinely useful for some children. It can offer hints and tips even when you can't.

However, the risk of cheating is still there. There are some strategies that can help, such as asking your child to explain their solution to you. If they can't, it's highly likely it's not their own work. Do this a few times, and they may begin to give up on trying to cheat.

Using ChatGPT can actually help your child work through a problem without being given the entire solution at once, which could be genuinely useful for some children. It can offer hints and tips even when you can't.

If they can explain it to you, however, then even better. Teaching someone else how to solve a problem is one of the best ways to reinforce learning, and it can really encourage your kids if they think they're teaching you something you don't already know, because who doesn't like to get one up on their parents?

Google is bringing homework help and a multimodal Gemini Nano to Android

This is just the beginning, ai ain't going away.

The rise of generative AI has been explosive, to say the least, and it doesn't show any sign of slowing down. Models are only going to get more powerful and more accessible, so trying to fight against the use of AI by your kids is only going to end one way.

I believe ChatGPT-4o and whatever comes next can potentially help rather than hinder your kids' education.

Ultimately, if you're honest with your kids about how it can be used to cheat, but can also be used to help you learn, and you make it clear that you're going to be getting them to explain their work occasionally, then I believe ChatGPT-4o and whatever comes next can potentially help rather than hinder your kids' education.