do your own work or help sarah

The Walking Dead: Season Two

Originally posted by mirrorman478 : If you don't touch the door and you help Sarah with the berries, does Carver still kill Reggie? And does Sarita still get bit by his zombie?

Originally posted by MorningLightMountain : Originally posted by mirrorman478 : If you don't touch the door and you help Sarah with the berries, does Carver still kill Reggie? And does Sarita still get bit by his zombie?

Originally posted by mirrorman478 : Ah, thanks for the answers, i hate when it seems like you had more control of such events like this when the same outcome happens no matter what.

Originally posted by Snaquille O'Tmeal : Originally posted by mirrorman478 : Ah, thanks for the answers, i hate when it seems like you had more control of such events like this when the same outcome happens no matter what.

Originally posted by Snaquille O'Tmeal : Originally posted by MorningLightMountain : No as Reggie is the Mark of season two.

Originally posted by MorningLightMountain : Originally posted by Snaquille O'Tmeal : Welcome to Season 2.

Originally posted by Snaquille O'Tmeal : Don't give this episode that much credit. Mark actually had some dialogue and gave us a reason to give a ♥♥♥♥ about him.

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20 Pointless Choices You Make In Telltale's The Walking Dead

You might have thought that these choices would affect the story of Telltale's The Walking Dead in some way, but you'd be wrong.

Telltale's  The Walking Dead  series has stood as a shining example of how player choice can affect storytelling in a game. Faced with four options of dialogue as a time bar slowly shrinks, players experienced the panic of trying to say the right thing at the right moment to achieve a better outcome for their character, be it Lee, Clementine, or, more recently, Javier. In an even more harrowing situation, you are faced with two actions to choose from and each action can lead to a person's death.

But do your choices ultimately matter? Is player agency an illusion that these games trick you into believing? In each episode, we're reminded that this game is about player choice and that our choices will have consequences. But have you ever looked back on your playthroughs (or actually played the game again) and realized that making a different choice led to the same conclusion? We now have three completed seasons of  The Walking Dead  to play through, but the formula has roughly stayed the same: make choices, see the consequences, realize that your choices were meaningless and destiny plays a larger part in these games than we would like to admit.

We're going to examine several choices that players are confronted with in the course of all three seasons. Each of these choices might have filled you with dismay at the thought that your actions would negatively impact the game's outcome. Never fear. Each of these choices, in the end, did not affect your story, whatever you chose.

20 Which One Should You Save?

One of the first choices we're faced with in Season 1, Episode 1, is deciding whether to save Shawn, son of Hershel, or Duck, son of Kenny. Walkers have attacked the two, one grabbing Shawn as he is pinned underneath a tractor and another clutching Duck's shirt as he is perched on top of the tractor.

Lee met Shawn as he was escaping Clementine's house. Shawn good-naturedly offered you a ride to his father's farm, saving you and Clementine. He was a good man who showed no hesitation in helping a fellow human being. Duck was... well, Duck was Duck. If you need more of an explanation on Duck's character check out this list. He was the young son of the family you just met at Hershel's farm, exuberant and playful as all young children should be.

No matter who you decide to help, Shawn will die. If you go to help Duck, Kenny will rush forward to assist you, leaving Shawn to struggle alone. If you help Shawn by trying to move the tractor, a walker still manages to munch on his neck.

19 Leaving Sarah Behind

Clementine makes a "friend" in Season 2, and boy, does this friendship require a lot of work that ends up being pointless. We meet Sarah as Clementine is sneaking inside Luke and company's house, searching for basic medical supplies to treat her dog bite. Sarah immediately comes across as immature for her age, especially given Clementine's maturity level. And when she asks Clementine to be her friend, the wince if you accepted was practically universal.

Sarah ends up in a downward spiral after the death of her father, refusing to carry on without massive amounts of encouragement. It all comes to a head when Clementine, Luke, and Jane are escaping from a walker-surrounded mobile home, and Sarah refuses to stand up and leave with them. You, as Clementine, are faced with the choice of convincing her to join you or abandoning her in the soon-to-be infested mobile home.

However, if you do make the choice to save her, you find out you were merely prolonging her death. Sarah falls from the observation deck of a Civil War site the group was taking shelter in. She's surrounded by walkers, and gets eaten no matter what steps you take to try and save her.

18 Choose Wisely...

The meaninglessness of this particular choice is blatantly obvious. In Season 3, Javier is forced to choose who should live between Ava and Tripp. Big man Tripp has been plucking your heartstrings with his talk of love for Eleanor, and Ava has been showing time and again that she is one hardcore bada*s. So when Joan, the evil leader behind the New Frontier presents this choice to Javier, you feel that the repercussions of making it will haunt you for a long time.

However, the choice is ripped from your hands, as Joan shoots whoever it is that you chose to spare, all to teach Javier the lesson of "betrayal." We can only watch in horror as our chosen character receives a bullet to the head. This leaves us with a very unhappy survivor.

17 Poor Puppy

This heartrending choice (especially for dog lovers) in Season 2 has no consequence to it besides hurting sensitive players. Separated from her companion Christa, Clementine has to fend for herself alone in the wild. She comes across an abandoned campsite with a disheveled but friendly dog lingering nearby. It's name tag reads "Sam," and it reminds us of a time when pooches and kiddos were not left alone to fend for themselves. As she searches the camp for food, Clementine comments to the dog on their situation and can play a small game of fetch with it as well.

Things go downhill when Clementine finds a can of beans. We can decide to feed the dog or leave it to stare at Clementine as she eats, but either way, hunger prevails and the dog attacks Clementine, desperate for food. Clementine manages to push the dog off of her, but it lands on spare tent poles, impaling it on impact. We are then forced to choose to put it out of its misery or to leave it to die as it is. This choice does nothing for the plot. Its sole purpose seems to be to make us feel bad for either killing it or leaving it to suffer.

16 Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

This is one of your first big choices in Episode 1 of Season 3. Javier and his family come across a seemingly abandoned trailer stocked with--of all things--pudding. It seems like a dream come true for young Gabe and Mariana. Kate, forced into the evil stepmom role once again, insists that it isn't safe to stay and that they should all get back in the van and vamoose. Gabe demands that they stay and enjoy a single night away from the apparently dreaded van. We are faced with the choice of siding with Kate or siding with the kids.

You either make Gabe happy or you make Kate happy. Momentarily. The consequences don't extend beyond that. While Javier finishes siphoning some gas from a car (regardless if you decide to stay the night, he still siphons the gas), he's caught in the act by the New Frontier, who claim that he's stealing their gas. The encounter ends with Javier getting clocked out and separated from his family.

15 Sheltering Clementine (Or Not)

In Season 2, the moment for escaping Carver's domineering community arrives, and you think you will be able to sneak away from the hardware-store-turned-camp without getting caught. Unfortunately, Carver catches your group on their way out. Due to some quick thinking on Clementine's part, Carver is disarmed, and your group has to think on what his fate will be.

Kenny takes matters into his own hands when he shoots Carver in the legs, and when he picks up a crowbar, we all know what he plans to do. Sarita, Kenny's girlfriend, urges Clementine to leave the building so she doesn't have to watch. We get to choose what to do at this moment, and beyond a few comments other characters make to Clementine, there are no repercussions for watching Kenny pound a crowbar into Carver's face.

14 But Who Should You Help?

In an eventually hilarious look at our own values, Season 1 presents us with the choice of helping Omid or Christa onto a moving train. A herd of walkers shambled toward members of the group already on the train, so Lee and Omid, having removed an obstacle from an overpass to clear the way, have to leap onto a moving train. Lee makes it without injury, but Omid lands on the roof of the train at a bad angle and then flops down to the ground. Seeing this, Christa jumps off of the train to help her boyfriend.

Lee then has to choose who to help back onto the train first. No matter who you pull up, the other manages to climb up without you, and whoever you assisted berates you for not helping the other first. It ends up being a choice without consequence. Who needed your help more: the injured man or the woman?

13 Join Me For Dinner

When Clementine and her new group meet up with old friend Kenny, it is a very touching reunion. Players had thought Kenny dead in Season 1, and to see him alive was an unforgettable moment of Season 2. However, the meeting of two sets of people, especially in the environment of  The Walking Dead , is always fraught with tension. Kenny and his group don't know if they can trust Luke and his group and vice versa. With assurances from Clementine, we see the two groups sitting down to dinner together.

Almost as if Clementine is in a clique-filled high school cafeteria, she has to choose who she sits next to for the meal, Kenny or Luke. The decision, while made awkward by the hurt looks the grown adults inexplicably throw at Clementine if she does not sit with them, does not affect the plot in any way.

12 To Keep The Arm, Or Not Keep The Arm

Some will argue that the decision to chop off Lee's arm after getting bitten by a walker in Season 1 does indeed affect the outcome of the story. Depending largely on who Lee is able to convince to come along with him to rescue Clementine at the end of Episode 4, the act of cutting Lee's arm off can fall to several persons. If Lee is by himself, he will have the opportunity to cut his limb off all on his lonesome.

If you chop it off, Lee is less likely to have those fainting spells that he suffers from if you leave it attached to your body. However, the hope that Lee will not turn into a walker if you chop it off is a false hope. No matter what you do with that appendage, Lee is set to die by the end of the game.

11 Who Needs The Medicine More?

When Clementine and Jane scope out the observation deck at the Civil War site known as Parker's Run, a young man carrying a bag of medical supplies limps towards them. This is Arvo. Jane and Clementine surprise him and are able to take a look into his bag. With a very pregnant Rebecca desperately needing medicine, when we are given the choice to steal the supplies from Arvo, it is sorely tempting.

Some of us may have taken the high road and allowed him to leave without lifting the medicine from him. At the end of the episode, we find that our magnanimity didn't matter in the slightest. After leaving Parker's Run, Clementine and her group run into Arvo and his. A stand-off takes place, guns pointed at everyone. Whether you stole from him or not, Arvo does not attempt to stop the fighting. Nope. He seems to have forgotten that you let him take his medicine and doesn't do squat to help you when the shooting starts.

10 A Junkyard Buddy

When Clementine takes Javier to the small town of Prescott in Season 3, there is nothing that Javier wants more than to return to the junkyard and find his family. Once there though, whether you got thrown in jail with Clementine or not, Javier is faced with the choice of checking out the junkyard in the morning with Tripp or sneaking out at night with Eleanor to get there more quickly.

The only consequence of this choice is who gets to go with you. The same events occur no matter who you choose to go with or when you choose to go. Mariana still dies, Kate still gets shot, and whoever you chose to leave at Prescott (Tripp or Eleanor) does not hold you leaving without them against you.

9 But First, Let Me Take A Selfie

Oh, Sarah. When Clementine is left alone at the house with Sarah in Episode 2 of Season 2, we have the opportunity to discover that selfies did in fact survive the zombie apocalypse. While "having fun" with Sarah, she shows you an instant camera and asks if you want to take a picture of her. You can oblige her or you can watch as she takes a gratuitous selfie. Either way, the picture is taken, which means trouble later on, when Carver enters the house looking for his lost group. He finds the picture and can easily deduce that the group has been in the house at some point.

Later on, when the adults return, Sarah admits that Carver saw the picture of her. Clementine can take the blame for it, blame Sarah, blame her dad, or remain silent. This changes nothing. The group panics and decides to bolt either way.

8 Quenching His Thirst

Towards the end of the first episode of Season 2, Clementine finds one of the injured bandits who attacked her and Christa earlier. Desperate for information on her missing friend, Clementine asks the man what happened to Christa. The man mumbles for water, and we have the choice to deny him water or to share with him from Clementine's own bottle.

Infuriatingly, if you decide to give him water, he gulps it down gratefully enough, but dies anyways before he can tell you anything about Christa or what happened to her. If you withhold the water, he squirms in pain before passing on as well.

7 Leaving Lilly Behind

Lilly is a wonderful example of how nuanced a character can be in a Telltale series. She is smart, driven, and responsible. In Season 1, she is one of the people struggling to take leadership in the fractured group. She becomes aware that there is a spy within the group that has been dealing with the bandits that have been plaguing them. She is relentless in her pursuit of whoever that spy is, even enlisting Lee to help her solve this mystery.

The bandits attack the group before they can figure out who the insider is. After the group escapes in the RV, Lilly confronts scaredy-cat Ben about being the mole. He stutters and denies it. Depending on who you saved at the pharmacy in Episode 1, either Carley or Doug will step up to defend Ben. For their trouble, they will end up with a bullet to the brain, courtesy of Lilly.

Lee disarms Lilly in one rapid motion, and then we have to decide whether we take her with us as a sort of prisoner or we leave her at the side of the road. The choice is irrelevant because she leaves your group either way. If you take her with you, she steals off with the RV the first chance she gets. If you abandon her on the side of the road, the last you see is her small figure standing alone in the fading light, a walker ambling closer to her.

6 Helping Sarah Out

Sarah has popped up on this list a grand total of three times. This is no coincidence. As one of  The Walking Dead 's most helpless characters, Clementine must often make decisions for Sarah's welfare if we want to see Sarah get as far as she can in the game. During their stay at the hardware store, under Carver's strict community rules and Reggie's friendly supervision, Clementine and Sarah are assigned the task of clipping leaves from potted plants. It seems simple enough, but after receiving a slap from her father (under duress from Carver), Sarah appears unable to do her own work.

If you help her, your work will remain unfinished. If you do nothing, Sarah's work will be shoddily done. Either way, Carver is still unhappy when he comes in to check how things are coming along. And he is still going to blame poor Reggie for the screw-up. And he is still going to toss poor Reggie from the rooftop.

5 Give Up The Gun

Remember that woman at the motor inn that you meet in Episode 1 of Season 1? That was probably the first time you realized your choices don't have as much weight as you might have thought originally. Lee, Glenn, and Carley encounter Irene after she's barricaded herself in a motel room, hiding from the walkers lurking outside. Once Lee dispatches these walkers, she emerges, only to reveal that she has already been bitten.

She asks if she can borrow Carley's gun so that she can do away with herself. It does not matter if you refuse her. She forcibly takes the gun from Carley if you say no, and shoots herself anyways. If you give it to her, Lee stays with her so that at the very least she's not alone when she does the deed.

4 Surrendering To The New Frontier

The New Frontier finds its way to Prescott in Episode 2 of Season 3. Using Francine, a likable, tough woman Javier met when he first came to Prescott, as a hostage, the New Frontier try to force Javier to leave the safety of Prescott's gates and come down to join them.

If you choose to fight, you fire on them from above, and Francine will get shot trying to run back into Prescott. If you surrender, Javier finds that the New Frontier wants him dead, so Clementine fires first before you're executed. Francine is shot in the back in the ensuing scuffle. If you try to negotiate, Francine will be shot in the head. Surrendering or fighting, Francine gets killed either way and Prescott gets destroyed either way. Sometimes jerks want to be jerks no matter what.

3 How Do You Solve A Problem Like AJ?

When the shoot out between Clementine's and Arvo's groups begins in the last episode of Season 2, Clementine is given the chance to rescue Rebecca's baby as she makes a dash for cover. If you don't make the choice to save the baby, Luke will notice it on the ground himself, rush to pick him up, and then get shot in the leg.

Before you feel bad about that choice, here's what happens if you do rescue the baby. You'll take him into cover with you, and Luke will comment that he hadn't noticed the baby there.  He'll then ask you to cover him as he tries to shoot one of Arvo's group. You can cover him as well as the game will allow you, and Luke will still end up getting shot in the leg. Luke was clearly destined to get shot in the leg.

2 Dealing With Rebecca

During the last seconds of Episode 4 of Season 2, only Clementine has noticed that Rebecca has died sitting in the snow cradling her baby. Everyone else is pointing their guns at the threat that is Arvo's group. The situation goes from bad to worse when Rebecca starts to stir, her eyes open, and we all see the milky gray of a walker's eyes.

Clementine then has to choose between shooting Rebecca herself (and maybe causing an all-out shoot-out to commence), doing nothing (which endangers the helpless infant in Rebecca's arms), or calling out for someone to help her. All of these options mean absolutely zip because the same thing happens for each: Rebecca gets shot. You can call for Kenny, and he can assess the situation and shoot Rebecca himself. You can do nothing; Kenny still sees what's going on and shoots Rebecca. Or you can have Clementine shoot Rebecca.

And the shoot-out begins regardless.

1 Ending It For Lee, Maybe

This is the most harrowing of all the meaningless choices you will make in this game, even out of all the seasons. Lee has been bitten and has reached his body's limit. He now has to choose whether to have Clementine shoot him to prevent him from turning or to have her leave him to turn alone.

This choice is inconsequential to the plot because, no matter what, the man we knew as Lee will be gone. The meaning that Telltale imbues this choice with is found solely within the player as they contemplate how they want Lee to part with Clementine. Do you want him to have sheltered her to the very end? Or do you want him to prepare her for the harsh realities she will have to face in a world without him?

The choice is ours, and, either way, it hurts.

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Sarah (Telltale)

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Sarah is a main character and a survivor of the outbreak in Telltale 's The Walking Dead . She is a member of the Cabin Group , along with her father Carlos . Despite being kindhearted, innocent, and liked by others, Sarah's anxiety problems and lack of knowledge of the outside world often puts her in danger. Furthermore, due to the fact that Sarah spent the majority of her time in the apocalypse in the safety of Howe's Hardware (run by William Carver ), she had very little experience dealing with walkers and lacked the practical skills for surviving in the outside world.

• 2.1 Location Unknown
• 3.1 Howe's Hardware
• 3.2.1 "All That Remains"
• 3.2.2 "A House Divided"
• 3.2.3 "In Harm's Way"
• 3.2.4 "Amid The Ruins"
• 4.1 Leave Sarah
• 4.2 Slap Sarah
• 5 Killed Victims
• 6.2 Enemies
• 7.1 Season Two
• 8 Appearances

Overview [ ]

Sarah does not have bad intentions, but often puts others in danger due to her lack of awareness for the world's current state. But her ignorance is not entirely her fault. Her dad Carlos shelters her from seeing or knowing any gruesome or troubling events, causing her to completely rely on her father. She is very kind-hearted and will help those around if given the chance. She has expressed a great interest in books, and even offered Clem a book to read in the cabin.

Her sheltered life leads to her not being as well-adapted to the apocalypse as other children her age. In " All That Remains ", Carlos says, "If she ever knew how bad the world is... what it's really like out there... she would cease to function", which ironically enough, resulted her death later on. However, it is also implied throughout the season that Sarah is stronger and less ignorant than her dad gives her credit for. This is supported by Sarah's determination to learn how to use a weapon ( Determinant ), her knowledge of wind turbines and its uses, and standing up to Carver when he strikes Clementine across the face ( Determinant ). It is mainly assumed that she has some kind of anxiety disorder. This mental disorder is further evidenced during " Amid The Ruins " when she, if Clementine saved her at the house, will remark that she is waiting for her dad to return; this implies she is either unaware of the fact that he died, or that she was actively in denial over his death.

Pre-Apocalypse [ ]

Location unknown [ ].

Nothing is known about Sarah's life prior to or as the outbreak began, except she was born in 1990. However, Sarah's overall attitude and her father 's rigid sheltering of her, along with the comment that if Sarah knew of the outside world in-depth she would "cease to function", implies that Sarah possibly lived a highly sheltered life before the outbreak.

Post-Apocalypse [ ]

Howe's hardware [ ].

Sarah was a member of Carver's community at Howe's Hardware along with her dad Carlos, Rebecca , Alvin , Luke , Nick , Pete , Reggie , and Nick's Mother . She followed her dad as the group decided to leave the community as it was an unsafe living environment, due to the continuous conflict between Carver and other members of the group.

It is implied that Becca knew about Sarah's issues if Shel went with Tavia at the end of " 400 Days ". Becca was shown in " In Harm's Way " to have a dislike for Sarah.

Season Two [ ]

" all that remains " [ ].

Sarah is first seen inquiring about the ensuing chaos outside the cabin surrounding a mysterious bitten girl, Clementine , who was found in the forest. Her father strictly tells her to return to the inside of the house, to which she does.

Sarah's next appearance is after she is discovered by Clementine, who had been searching the house for hydrogen peroxide to disinfect her dog bite. After Clementine enters her bedroom, Sarah is initially reluctant to offer the medication at the risk of getting in trouble from her father. Despite this, she complies to Clementine's request after seeing a chance of friendship in Clementine.

She is not seen after that, though her father does warn Clementine not to interact with her at the expense of exposing Sarah to the harsh environment of the outside world.

" A House Divided " [ ]

Clementine is left alone to watch over Sarah and "keep her busy" while the rest of the group searches for missing members. The player has several choices they can make when interacting with Sarah at the start of the episode, choosing whether or not to humor Sarah about taking her picture and whether to "train" Sarah on how to use an empty handgun she managed to find. Should Clementine refuse for the latter, Sarah will point the gun at Clementine and ask if she's using it right, causing Clementine to duck and scold her, sending Sarah into a temporary panic.

Regardless, Sarah points out that there is a man outside. When he enters, Sarah goes into hiding to avoid being found. Later, she inquires her father about Carver. Upon realizing they are being stalked, the group decides to head north into the mountains to elude Carver.

Sarah has a minimal role for the rest of the chapter until the discovery of the survivors at the Ski Lodge . There, she helps to decorate a Christmas tree with Sarita and has dinner with the rest of the survivors. Later that night though, Carver and his followers find the survivors and take the majority of them hostage. Angered that Rebecca will not show herself, Carver begins to viciously beat Sarah's father Carlos, forcing her to watch as she pleads for mercy.

Sarah, along with the rest of the survivors, is hauled off to Carver's camp at the episode's conclusion.

" In Harm's Way " [ ]

The episode begins with Clementine and Sarah going to the bathroom near a tree, supervised by Troy . Troy then loads them back on the truck with Kenny , Sarita, Carlos, Rebecca, Alvin (Determinant) and Nick (Determinant) . During a verbal argument between Kenny and the cabin survivors, Sarah breaks down in tears, with Rebecca comforting her. The truck then arrives at Howe's Hardware . Walking to their confinement, Carlos is taken by one of Carver's guards to help wounded survivors, making Sarah become uneasy, stating that she needs her father.

After the first night during Carver's briefing, Sarah talks to Clementine and Carver becomes angry, forcing Carlos to "discipline" her by slapping her mouth in front of all the survivors. He does so, although roughly, knocking Sarah to the ground. She is later seen hiding in the greenhouse, sobbing once more, prompting Clementine to comfort her. After comforting her, Reggie shows up to show them their job: to cut berries from the plants growing. Clementine is willing to do her job, but Sarah only holds her shears anxiously, scared that she will make a mistake. Clementine can either comfort Sarah and help her do her job, or Clementine can leave her alone, in which case she gets her job done but Sarah does not. Either choice will result in one of the girl's not doing their job, causing Carver to get angry and murder Reggie by pushing him off the roof.

At the end of the episode, she reluctantly allows Carlos and Clementine to smear walker entrails on her to escape through the herd alongside them. As she follows behind her father, she begins to go into a panic, with Carlos asking Clementine to say something to her. Before she is able to, Carlos gets fatally shot in the neck, stumbles over, and is grabbed by a walker and bitten. "Ceasing to function", Sarah becomes hysterical and begins to scream and she runs away and disappears.

" Amid The Ruins " [ ]

After she fled from the herd, Luke and Nick (if alive) pursue her. Clementine and Jane follow them to mobile home park , finding Sarah's glasses discarded beneath a dead walker. Jane believes her dead and apologizes to Clementine for her loss, but they suddenly hear Sarah screaming from nearby.

The two of them enter the park, finding a herd of walkers trying to break into a trailer with Luke's voice emanating from within, apparently trying to calm Sarah down. Clementine and Jane temporarily distract the herd from Sarah and Luke and join them inside the trailer when the herd follows them back, knocking over a piece of furniture to barricade the door. Luke greets them, saying that he needed their help with Sarah. Sarah is found hiding and shivering on the floor in shock, Luke unable to get her to move on her own and incapable of forcing her to go with him due to his broken ribs. Luke suggests Clementine speak to her to see if she could get through to her. Clementine has the option of trying to get her to face reality or reassure her that she could survive like she had. If Clementine does the latter, she hands Sarah back her lost glasses after she had dropped them outside the park.

Regardless of whether or not Clementine had managed to get through to her, she immediately shells up again when the walkers nearly get inside. Luke and Jane rush to keep the walkers at bay while Clementine searches for an alternate way out, opting to use the furniture blocking the door to boost them up to the skylight above Sarah even though it would let the walkers into the trailer. The three of them get the furniture back to Sarah and lock the door behind them, needing to move quickly to escape before the herd got through that door as well. Luke gets out first when Jane boosts him out, but Sarah still will not move. Jane urges Clementine to leave her behind if she will not save herself.

Leave Sarah: Clementine ultimately cannot convince Sarah to get up, sadly allowing Jane to boost her out of the trailer. Sarah watches Clementine leave her in confusion, but her confusion quickly turns into terror as the walkers break into the room. Jane escapes the trailer with Luke's help, leaving Sarah alone to be devoured. Sarah calls out for Clementine in a panic as the walkers tear her apart, then screams out for her father before she dies. Luke- shocked that they had just left her- assures Clementine that they had no choice before the three survivors leave the park.

Slap Sarah: Clementine refuses to leave her behind, going back to get her up. Sarah still cannot move, but Clementine slaps her across her face, stunning her and making her focus. Clementine orders her to move, which she finally does, joining Jane on top of the furniture as the walkers break down the door. The three of them all manage to escape through the skylight, though Sarah appears to not be fully aware of her surroundings as Jane leads them out of the trailer park. If Clementine had not gotten through to Sarah before the walkers had breached the door, she returns Sarah's glasses to her now, letting Sarah see around herself more clearly before they follow Jane and Luke off the other side of the trailer.

Sarah is still not in her right mind, walking very slowly with them back to Parker's Run . Clementine can try to speak to her to get her to feel better, but is ultimately unsuccessful. Luke is uncertain about how they were going to deal with her in the future now that Carlos was no longer with them, Clementine responding that they wouldn't let anything happen to her. (Determinant)

Upon returning to Parker's Run, Rebecca is glad to see Sarah alive. Sarah steps up to her, but pulls back when Rebecca tries to embrace her. Understanding, Rebecca lets Sarah go, saying that she would be there for her when she was ready.

Sarah remains isolated afterward, not joining Clementine or any of the others when they leave in search of supplies. If Clementine speaks to her after returning from her first supply run, Clementine is disturbed by Sarah's apparent detachment from reality when she remarks that she is waiting for her father to return. Clementine can try to gently remind her that her father was dead, but Sarah does not respond, stuck in her trance like she had been at the trailer park.

After both supply runs have concluded and Clementine returns to Rebecca, she finds the others except for Luke and Jane to be huddled around Rebecca, who is entering the final stages of labor with Kenny to help her through it. Sarah is the first to notice a herd of walkers emerging from the woods, hyperventilating out a call for Clementine. Rebecca says that they should go to the nearby gift shop Clementine and Jane found, Clementine going to lead the way. Clementine can direct Mike to help Sarah during their flight; Mike will otherwise order Sarah to move on her own while he goes to perform a different task.

Sarah follows Clementine back to the second deck of the gift shop, unsteadily staying at Clementine's side but not offering assistance whether she chooses to help Rebecca through labor or defend the deck against the incoming walkers. When Clementine and Luke push the commemorative cannon up to the gate preventing the walkers from getting to them, the cannon's weight causes half of the deck to collapse beneath them, making both Sarah and Jane fall. Jane narrowly catches herself on the ledge, but Sarah is pinned beneath the wreckage, unable to free herself. She calls for Clementine to help her while Luke tries to pull Jane back up onto the deck.

• Tell Jane to save Sarah: Despite Jane believing Sarah to be doomed, she reluctantly drops down back to the ground at Clementine's urging. Bonnie and Mike shoot the two closest walkers before they can attack Jane, allowing her to lift part of the rubble covering Sarah. Jane's efforts are not enough, however, Sarah still unable to move. Before Jane can try again, a wooden board from the deck falls on top of Jane's head, knocking her back and clearing the way for some walkers to advance below Bonnie and Mike's position up to her. Unable to get back to her, Jane can only watch in horror as the walkers descend upon Sarah, who calls out for Clementine and then her father as she is devoured. Jane escapes back up the other half of the deck, apologizing to Clementine for not being able to save her. Clementine has the option of either accepting her apology or telling her off over Sarah's death.
• Lift Jane: Clementine helps Luke in pulling Jane back up to the deck, leaving Sarah behind pinned beneath the rubble. Walkers advance on Sarah's position beneath the deck, making her panic and hyperventilate in her terror. Sarah calls out for Clementine and then her father as she is devoured. Jane apologizes to Clementine for not being able to save her, saying that there was nothing that they could do. Clementine has the option of either accepting her apology or telling her off over Sarah's death.

Leave Sarah [ ]

• Herself (Caused)
• Jane (Indirectly Caused)
• Luke (Indirectly Caused)
• Clementine (Indirectly Caused)

After Clementine, Luke, and Jane find a way out of the trailer, Clementine tries to convince Sarah to leave with them before the walkers get to them. Jane then tells Clementine to leave Sarah behind if she will not follow them. If Clementine chooses to leave Sarah behind in the trailer, the walkers will break in and devour her, just as she starts to snap out of her sorrow and scream for Clementine's and her father's help. Given that her brain wasn't destroyed, it is unknown if she was able to reanimate.

Slap Sarah [ ]

• Rebecca (Indirectly Caused, Accidental)
• Luke (Caused, Accidental)
• Clementine (Caused, Accidental)
• Jane (Indirectly Caused, Determinant)

If Sarah was rescued from the trailer park, her death will occur later in the episode. Rebecca goes into labor, her screams of pain attracting walkers to their location. As Clementine and Luke try to push a cannon towards the door, the observation deck will crumble under the weight of the moving cannon. Sarah falls and is trapped under the rubble. Jane, if told to save Sarah, will try to convince Clementine that Sarah is beyond saving, telling the girl to help pull her up. She will be devoured by walkers, regardless of Clementine's choice to save her or Jane. Given that her brain wasn't destroyed, it is unknown if she was able to reanimate and was put down by the group after the observation deck collapses or if her brain was crushed by the collapsing deck.

Killed Victims [ ]

This list shows the victims Sarah has killed:

• Reggie (Indirectly Caused)
• Sarita (Indirectly Caused, Alive)
• Herself (Caused, Determinant)

Relationships [ ]

For a more in-depth look all Sarah's relationships, read here; Sarah (Telltale)/Relationships

The following is a list of some of Sarah's most memorable quotes.

Appearances [ ]

The telltale series [ ].

• " All That Remains "
• " A House Divided "
• " In Harm's Way "
• After losing her glasses in " Amid The Ruins ", this symbolizes Sarah losing her protection from the harsh reality of her world.
• Clementine will repeat the advice Lee gave her, referring to the gun as "just a thing", and instructing Sarah to steadily squeeze the trigger, aim for the target's head, or to hold her breath before shooting, depending on the player's choice in "Long Road Ahead".
• If Lee remained silent when Clementine asked if there was anything else she should know, Clem herself does not respond when Sarah's asks what to do. In this case, the camera changes to Sarah's POV and she playfully says, "Bang".
• Though Sarah may be trained to use a gun, she never gets the chance to use one in a real situation.
• In an interview with GameInformer, Telltale's president Kevin Bruner states that Sarah's behavior was the result of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) or something similar which was caused by exposure to the harsh world she lives in; it's also at least part of the reason for Carlos' highly protective behavior regarding Sarah.
• Sarah was not completely oblivious to the apocalypse as she was aware of walkers. This is evident when Clem and her first meet, Clementine has the option of asking Sarah if she wants to see her bitten arm and Sarah will ask, "It really wasn't one of them?"
• This is first noted by Carlos in " All That Remains ", in his words: "She is not like you... If she knew how bad the world is out there... she would cease to function."
• This is seen in "A House Divided" when Clementine talks to her about the events taking place after reaching the house. After hearing the news, she enters an anxiety breakdown for a few seconds, and then returns to her usual optimistic behavior.
• It is also evident in "A House Divided" when Sarah panics and says "Clem, I can't breathe... I-I can't breathe!" after spotting Carver by the cabin door.
• In the beginning of " In Harm's Way ", Sarah sits silently by herself in order to avoid "getting in trouble."
• After Carver forces Carlos to smack Sarah, she can be found sitting in the green house crying to herself. She also freezes up during her assignment to cut the berries in the green house in "In Harm's Way" due to the fear of "messing up" and being disciplined again.
• It is seen towards the end of "In Harm's Way", as they were escaping Howe's Hardware through a herd of walkers , she started to panic.
• In " Amid The Ruins ", Sarah can be heard screaming from the trailer Luke found her in. Clementine and Jane eventually find her sitting on the ground, frozen in shock and fear. She also goes into a heavy anxiety attack shortly before being devoured by walkers.
• If you convince Sarah to leave the trailer and check on her once the group reunites, she will break down after you tell her that her father won't come back. (Determinant)
• The Walking Dead
• 1 Rick Grimes (TV Universe)
• 2 Negan Smith (TV Universe)
• 3 List of Deaths (TV Series)

My bubba and me

Your elder brother in the world of knowledge

Should I help Sarah or do my own work?

We can either help Sarah do her work or leave her alone and do our own work. However, no matter what we choose to do, the outcome will be the same. Angry Carver will blame Reggie for that.

Who should I save Ava or Tripp?

Your attempt to save the man will fail – Joan will kill him on the spot as a punishment for your meddling. The man won’t survive, but Ava will be let go. Save Ava – Similarly as in the case above – Ava will be promptly shot, while Tripp will be let go.

Should you lie to Walter?

Consequences of the choice: If we tell the truth, there is a chance that Walter will help him during the zombie attack. If we lie to him, Walter won’t help him.

Can you save Sarita walking dead?

Somehow, a walker reached Sarita and bit her in the hand, and her scream of pain made Clementine come to the rescue, having the choice to kill the walker or chop off Sarita’s arm. If Clementine killed the walker instead, Sarita will not die during the escape.

Does Tripp forgive you for killing Conrad?

It’s just the fact that they both die. If you choose to save Ava, it’s probably for the best. Tripp will forgive you, help you more, and David won’t blame you so much for her death.

Does Tripp survive?

After being captured by the New Frontier, Joan forces Javier to choose between Ava and Tripp, allowing one of them to live while the other dies. Tripp is later seen writhing on the ground as he bleeds to death.

Can Kenny survive walking dead?

He was found in a restaurant by Sarita, who gave him another mission in life; protecting her. After Sarita died, Kenny again lost his purpose in life but regained it again with Alvin Jr.’s birth.

When is The Walking Dead Season 2?

What is the sequel to The Walking Dead?

What is the game for The Walking Dead?

What is The Walking Dead series?

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How to Become Your Own Career Coach

• Helen Tupper
• Sarah Ellis

You don’t need to hire a professional to boost your self-awareness and find new opportunities for growth.

Coaching helps us understand ourselves, uncover new options, and get unstuck, but the opportunity to spend time with a qualified coach is only available to a fortunate few individuals and organizations who can afford it. Self-coaching is the skill of asking questions to improve self-awareness and prompt positive action. Using the three essential skills presented in this article, everyone can learn to coach themselves, regardless of experience or expertise. Our careers can frequently feel uncertain, but self-coaching is a capability we all have control over. Committing to the development of your self-coaching skills can help you overcome obstacles and open up more opportunities for your growth. If there’s one skill you spend time learning, practicing, and improving in 2022, coaching yourself is a good place to start.

There’s no such thing as a straight line to success in careers today, and the past few years have created an environment where we’ve all had to become accustomed to constant change and increased complexity. Coaching is a valuable way to create clarity and deal with the uncertainty of an increasingly squiggly world of work.

• Helen Tupper is the co-founder and CEO of Amazing If , a company with an ambition to make careers better for everyone. Together with her business partner Sarah Ellis, she is the author of two Sunday Times bestsellers, The Squiggly Career  and Y ou Coach You . Sarah and Helen are also hosts of the podcast Squiggly Careers, which has had 4m downloads, and their TED talk, The best career isn’t always a straight line , has been watched by almost 2m people.
• Sarah Ellis is the co-founder of Amazing If , a company with a mission to make careers better for everyone. Together with her business partner Helen, she is the author of two Sunday Times bestselling books, The Squiggly Career and You Coach You. Sarah and Helen are also hosts of the podcast Squiggly Careers, which has had 4m downloads, and their TED talk, The best career isn’t always a straight line , has been watched by almost 2m people.

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God’s Promise for Sarah

"And I will bless her and give you a son from her! Yes, I will bless her richly, and she will become the mother of many nations. Kings of nations will be among her descendants."

Genesis 17:16

God announces to Abraham his intention to bless Sarai beyond her wildest dreams. Her new name, Sarah, from the Hebrew word for princess, points to her becoming a mother of a son. Through this son will come rulers of many nations. What an amazing promise! For a ninety-year-old woman to bear a child is a miracle indeed. But this is exactly what God says he will do. Sarah will indeed be richly blessed. As Christians, we also receive marvelous promises from God: peace, power, eternal life, God's abiding presence, etc. God's promises give us hope when we feel discouraged, strength when we are weak. QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION: Which of God's promises do you regularly remember? Why? How do God's promises impact your daily life?

PRAYER: As I read of your amazing promise to Sarah, I think of all you have promised to me, dear Lord. Your goodness exceeds my comprehension and gladdens my heart. Thank you for all you have promised. And thank you that I have begun, even now, to receive the bounty of your future. How utterly blessed I am to know you, gracious God, and to receive your promises. Amen .

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Ethics is about knowing and doing what is good or right, and workplace ethics is about knowing and doing what is good or right at work. For the Christian, this means applying the Bible and other resources of the Christian faith to help decide and do what is ethical or moral at work.

Contributors: Mark D. Roberts Published by The High Calling, February 20, 2008. Image by Cindee Snider Re . Used with Permission .

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You are free to share (to copy, distribute and transmit the work), and remix (to adapt the work), under the condition that you must give appropriate credit to The High Calling, provide a link to the license, and indicate if changes were made. You should not suggest in any way that The High Calling or Theology of Work endorses you or your use of the work.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

• Independence Tips

The #1 Thing Learned Supporting Sarah To Create Her Own Home

by  Eric Goll

September 13, 2020

In this video, Sarah and I each share the #1 thing that we’ve learned over the last 5-years working together to help Sarah get a home of her own!

Moving forward, I’ll be releasing a weekly video to share more insights and tips to support your loved one with a developmental disability to create their own awesome ‘ordinary’ life.

Also, I’ve created the Ultimate Guide to Independence for People with Developmental Disabilities and their families, which shares the top five most effective things we can do to support a person with a developmental disability to grow their independence.

CLICK HERE to get your Free Guide

I’d love to hear from you, so leave a comment below!

I would like to hear about what supports are in place – in home community support aids, etc and whether those supports are self paid or through a waiver program. So happy for Sarah that she has been able to make that step! I have a 26 year old daughter who would love her own place. Safety and support are the two biggest concerns.

Hi Pam, Thank you for your questions! I’ll add home safety and support to my list for future videos.

Thank you for sharing Sarah. Your story will inspire many other people to believe they can have their own home one day as well.

Thank you for the kind message, Sheelagh. I will make sure Sarah sees it. -Eric

Sarah is a very beautiful person. I’m super excited that you transitioned her by sharing your home; with her for a while and got her to live on her own. It was great to see her answer questions although hard for her to mouth the words easily. Sounds like she has a great constitution, she must be proud? I can see she is not afraid of being alone, or trying new things, country and urban transition is not something my GD can do. Have you thought of getting her a pet she can accommodate? She may not get angry being on her own, a trick I heard on another workshop for FASD is to mimic your problems, like; wow I’m upset that I broke the dish; I think I will sit and listen to some soothing music; to calm me down, talk out loud about what’s on your mind so they can mimic your response. Another suggestion is just what you did, a lot of family members, neighbors always see the aggravating side of the person, it was suggested to video some great things the person has accomplished and utube it to those friends; they can see the gifts they have, it will show others that they really are gifts, and deserve a life. I hope this was a positive response and helped with some things we have to continually work with our FASD survivors. One of the suggestions below you could use your web cam and edit it from your desk so she can be the star of the show. just a thought.

Hi Ethel, Thank you for sharing your thoughts and ideas!

So pretty and thank you for the steps you have spoken about

Our pleasure, Claire. Thanks for watching!

Thank you for this introduction video! I would love to see a video of “A Day in the Life of Sarah” in her home and what she does around the house to give us a better idea of how a person with a disability can live independently. Is this in the works?

Hi Ann, I love this suggestion. It isn’t currently in the works, but I’ll keep the idea in mind. Sarah is just getting more comfortable with video and sharing her story. She also just moved and is working on setting up her life in a new city. So, this type of video is more likely on a medium-term horizon. I appreciate the idea! Keep them coming.

Thanks for sharing Sarah & Eric! This is awesome! Looking forward to more of your insights & tips. Would love to keep hearing about Sarah’s progress in her new place and she’s overcoming her challenges. Blessings to Sarah and her family.

Thank you for the kind words, Teresa!

Stay tuned for more to come 🙂

very best, Eric

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Powerful Lessons From The Life Of Sarah In The Bible

Categories Bible Study Topics , Faith , Featured

In this article, we will explore life lessons from the life of Sarah in the Bible. So, grab your Bible, and let’s dig into this Sarah Bible Study.

Sarah stands out when it comes to some leading ladies in the Bible. Not just because she is a huge matriarch but because of what God does in her life and how Sarah responds. Her life story is powerful and one that many can relate to.

Sarah’s story in the Bible is found in Genesis from chapters 12 to 23, and her life bears several lessons that can be applied to the life of every Christian. Sarah is truly a key figure in the Bible, and it is good for believers to read about her life and learn from it. And that’s exactly what we are going to do today.

The life of Sarah in the Bible holds many lessons, and we will be looking at a handful of them today. Some we will be including are that God is always faithful, God can perform miracles even when we have lost hope, the timing of God is perfect, and nothing is impossible with God. Trust in the word of God and His promises, regardless of your circumstances.

There is much to learn from Sarah and her life, as the Lord used her in powerful ways, even when she did not realize it.

Sarah will always be remembered as a woman who God used to fulfill His will on earth and will always be classified as one of the heroes of the faith . Here we will explore the life of Sarah in the Bible and outline some of the lessons that can be learned from her life.

Lessons From The Life Of Sarah In The Bible

Sarah, who used to be Sarai, was the wife of Abraham in the Bible and the mother of Isaac. The Lord used Sarah in powerful ways to fulfill His promise to Abraham that He would multiply Abraham more than there are stars in the sky and that Abraham’s descendants would be the people of God.

Sarah had to learn many lessons during her life, and the Lord taught her great things about trusting Him, having faith in Him, and believing His word regardless of circumstances.

In the Bible, God told Abraham that He would give him a son through Sarah and that this son would be the son of promise by whom God fulfills his word to Abraham. But so many things would be an obstacle for that to happen, but not for God!

Let’s explore the lessons we can learn through the life of Sarah, how she processed with Abraham and the Lord, and how God used her to fulfill His word and make a way through Sarah’s son to dwell with His people.

The Lord Can Perform Miracles Even When We Have Given Up

Among the most important lessons we learn from Sarah in the Bible is that God can perform miracles in and through us, even if we have lost hope and the world says it’s impossible.

God promised Abraham that he would bear a child with Sarah, but Abraham and Sarah were very advanced in years, with Sarah being 90 and Abraham 100!

Sarah and Abraham laughed when they were told that Sarah would bear a child, as she was well past the age of childbearing, and she did not think it was possible. And she’s not wrong! Her body was done. Every doctor would tell you it’s impossible, but the Great Physician has a different point of view.

The Lord fulfilled His promise to Sarah at exactly the time that He said He would. Sarah conceived and gave birth to Isaac when she was in her 90s, and she nursed him and raised him and raised him well.

God gave Sarah the vitality, strength, and ability to do what He called her to do, despite the fact that she felt like she could not do it, and physically, her body wasn’t able to.

This teaches us to trust in what the Lord says, even when we cannot see further than our own circumstances. He is able to do things way beyond our thinking and can fulfill a promise that seems utterly hopeless.

So, if you have been long waiting on a promise….don’t lose hope! God is able to move and bring forth what He has promised in His perfect timing.

The Lord Is Always Faithful

so is my word that goes out from my mouth:     It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire     and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. – Isaiah 55:11

Another important lesson to learn from the life of Sarah is that God is always faithful to us.

The Bible teaches that the Word of the Lord will never return to Him void, meaning that His word is always true and will always be fruitful and that the word of the Lord will always accomplish what He pleases, and it will always prosper in the purpose for which He sent it (Isaiah 55:11).

The word God spoke to Sarah came to pass exactly when He said it would. The Lord is always faithful to fulfill His word, and His faithfulness will never disappoint us. This is seen in her life, but also in so many other lives in scripture, church history, the here and now, and in prophecies still being fulfilled.

God is always faithful, even if we are not ( 2 Timothy 2:13 ).

The Timing Of The Lord Is Perfect

Sarah learned to trust in the timing of God and that the promises and Word of the Lord will be fulfilled according to His timing, not our own. This is a hard one to swallow sometimes!

Sarah and Abraham knew God would give them a child, but Sarah was impatient and gave her servant Hagar to Abraham to bear a child for them. This was not the will of the Lord, as He promised that Abraham and Sarah would bear the child that fulfilled His word.

In Sarah’s impatience, she had no faith in the perfect timing of God. However, she learned this lesson when the Lord gave her and Abraham new names and told them that Isaac would be born in the following year when He returned to them.

The Lord always knew when Isaac would be born and that the timing of his birth would be perfect, but Sarah could not see that. Sarah took these matters into her own hands, and the timing of the birth of Hagar’s son was not right.

When the time of the Lord was right, God changed their names from Abram and Sarai to Abraham and Sarah, signifying that He was breathing into their lives, and after that, when He ordained it to be, Sarah conceived and gave birth to Isaac.

The timing of the Lord is always perfect, and His promises in our lives will always be fulfilled according to His will and His timing, and it is fruitless and dangerous to attempt to bring His promises into our lives before He has ordained them. Sarah’s impatience is still seen now in our modern day between Ishmael (Arabs) and Issac (Israel.

The promise of the Lord in our lives can only be good when He does it; it cannot be made good by our own hands. A prime example of this that I have seen played out in real life is when someone’s desire for marriage is so strong that they can no longer wait on God and they marry whoever fits the bill. Sadly, this usually doesn’t end well.

We want to be careful not to make an Ishmael in our lives and wait patiently on the Lord. He truly sees things from a different perspective. And we can trust that His timing is good.

Nothing Is Impossible With God

The last important lesson in the life of Sarah is that nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37). We serve a God of CAN not of cannot.

Even though Sarah was well past the age of childbirth, God made it happen because He is able. Something the Lord has said to me time and time again is, “My hand is not short.” That He is able to reach and do the thing I think is impossible.

Regardless of what we think is possible or where we are in our lives, it is always important to remember that nothing is impossible for God. He is the Almighty, and if He says it, it is.

The life of Sarah has many other lessons for Christians to learn from, so it is good for you to take the time to read through the Genesis 12 – 23 (click to read her story) and find more of them for yourself. Sarah is a good person in the Bible to learn lessons from, as she learned to live according to the perfect will of the Lord and not her own.

Learn as much as you can from Sarah, especially if you are learning to rely on the Lord for what you cannot yet see. He is always faithful, and His promises are always true.

More Life Lessons We Can Learn

If you enjoyed this post or love learning from different characters of the Bible. Then you might enjoy these other articles as well! Feel free to check them out.

• 7 Powerful Lessons From The Life Of Joseph
• 7 Amazing Lessons From Hannah In The Bible
• 5 Lessons From the Women at Jesus’ Tomb
• The Life of Abigail in the Bible: A Tale of Courage and Faith
• 5 Lessons From Uriah the Hittite
• 5 Spiritual Lessons from the Book of Ruth
• King Uzziah: 6 Lessons We Can Learn From His Life
• 5 Life Lessons From Jonah in the Bible
• Powerful Lessons From The Agony In The Garden

Melissa is a passionate minister, speaker and an ongoing learner of the Bible. She has been involved in church and vocational ministry for over 18 years. And is the founder of Think About Such Things. She has the heart to equip the saints by helping them get into the Word of God and fall more in love with Jesus. She also enjoys family, cooking, and reading.

She has spoken in churches in California, Oregon, Texas, and Mexico and has been featured in Guidepost Magazine and All Recipes Magazine.  Read More…

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Why is it important to integrate your therapist self with your business owner self? In this episode, we talk with Sarah Buino.  Sarah is an LCSW, CADC, therapist, teacher, speaker and founder of Head Heart Therapy. Sarah and Margo discuss traits business owners need to be comfortable with including their relationship with authority, collaboration and authenticity.  Sarah will also share her insight on how NeuroAffective Relational Model ( NARM) training has helped her do her own work and provided her with a sense of freedom.

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• Link to Conversations with a Wounded Healer podcast: https://headhearttherapy.com/podcast/
• Link to NARM Training Institute website: https://narmtraining.com/
• Link to Transforming Trauma podcast: https://narmtraining.com/transformingtrauma/
• Sarah Buino Instagram: @headhearttherapy

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What Does It Mean to Do Your Own Work?

Six steps to doing your own work..

Posted June 2, 2017 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

Charlie: There is a reason why we use the phrase "doing your own work" so often. It's because of how strong the tendency is for all of us to be much more aware and reactive to what our partner is doing wrong rather than our contributions to the breakdown and what we can do to improve things. This work takes intentionality, discipline, and practice . Don't worry, there are and will be many opportunities to practice that will present themselves. Believe it or not, you may at some point get to the place where you actually see them as opportunities rather than "problems." Until you begin to see the breakdowns are opportunities, they will probably show up to you as AFGOs (another frigging growth opportunity).

These are things to keep in mind and work on that will serve you both in enhancing the quality of your relationship. Most of these recommendations apply to both of you while some may be more relevant to one or the other. A breakdown is an incident or circumstance that activates an emotional response in one of you that triggers a reaction in the other and creates an interactive defensive and/or controlling pattern that quickly spins out of control. The work is not to avoid the activation of these reactive patterns since at this point at least, that is an unrealistic expectation. That will come later. In the meantime, work to interrupt the pattern when it occurs as quickly as possible. Here's what that requires:

• Acknowledge that you're both in a pattern or "triggered." Either of you can do this and this recognition is often enough to begin to defuse the tension a bit. The key word here, and in most of this work is "we" (as opposed to "you"). Just using the word "you" in reference to a problem in which one of you is blaming (implicitly or explicitly) the other is usually enough to throw things into a tailspin. We are all more acutely sensitive to being blamed or judged than we realize. Keeping this in mind is helpful in that this awareness will help you to be more careful in communicating in ways that are more personally accountable ("I" statements related to feelings, rather than "you" statements that are accusatory or judgmental). It is never a good idea and rarely true that the other person is "too sensitive." We are all sensitive. That's just how we are. Most people are in fact too insensitive , largely because they have numbed themselves or checked out in various ways in order to avoid emotional pain that they have no idea how to deal with.
• Check in, see what you're feeling, and tell the truth, e.g. I'm feeling hurt, angry, scared, etc. Keep the focus on what you're feeling and don't stop with "mad" since anger is a secondary emotion and there is always something underneath it (usually fear or sadness). Getting to this more vulnerable layer of emotion will make it harder for your partner to maintain an aggressive or defensive posture. Try to keep in mind that it's not the other person's fault that you're feeling what you are, nor their responsibility to make you feel better. They just activated something in you that triggered that emotion. Say more about what triggered the feeling: for example, "when you said/did X, I felt Z." There is a relationship between your words and my feelings, but it's not cause and effect.
• Don't interrupt while your partner is expressing their feelings. Let them finish. You may have to bite your tongue, but try not to make it bleed. Keep in mind that you can't listen and try to get them to see your point simultaneously. Not only that, but until they feel truly heard by you, they will have no interest in hearing a word that you say. So it's not only a waste of time to try to get them to get your point before they feel that you've gotten theirs, but it actually will make things worse—a lot worse. Hearing and acknowledging their take on things and their experience without arguing, interrupting shaking your head, or rolling your eyes doesn't necessarily mean that you're in agreement with them. It also doesn't mean that you disagree with them. It just means that you've heard them. Big difference.
• When one person has had their say, it's a good idea for the other to paraphrase what they heard them say so that the speaker feels received and understood by the listener. If there is not sufficient understanding, the speaker may have to restate what s/he feels was misunderstood or not heard. When this is complete, it's a good idea to ask if there is anything else. If not, then repeat the process with roles reversed. Do this until both of you feel heard and understood.
• Remember to always thank or acknowledge your partner for showing up and being honest and open. This may not lead to a resolution of differences, but the outcome is actually less important than each of you having the experience of being heard and understood without interruption, defensiveness, or argument.
• Repeat the process 10,000 times or until the breakdowns stop coming, whichever comes first. (Just kidding, most couples only require about 9,500 repetitions).

This is (obviously) a very basic, bare-bones starter kit.

Linda Bloom, L.C.S.W. , and Charlie Bloom, M.S.W. , are the authors of Secrets of Great Marriages: Real Truths from Real Couples About Lasting Love .

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